


Lone Wolves

by GoldenPaws



Series: The Chains That Bind Us [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awesome Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Depression, Documentaries, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fenrir needs a hug, Flashbacks, Gen, Goodnight Stories, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isolation, Jarvis is awesome lets just make that clear, Loneliness, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Planet Earth Documentary, Protective Steve Rogers, References to Depression, Self-Harm, SpongeBob SquarePants References, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, They all try, but everything still kinda sucks, but thats okay we'll get there, but then again who hasn't around here, he gets one this time!, he's actually the best, in a way but let's go with that, just all the great stuff basically, lets see how that works out, like majorly, mute character, they all fail too, they all kinda do, traumatic memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 82,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25104967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenPaws/pseuds/GoldenPaws
Summary: Sato wonders what he did wrong. He has been wondering ever since father was taken away, and he was left with indescribable grief and a quiet, withdrawn Tony who wouldn’t even look at him anymore. It all happened so quickly, and then- Then there were all those strangers flooding into the Tower, and Tony disappeared into his workshop, while he was told to stay in one of the cool, empty rooms higher up, and that was the last he saw of the man he once knew. Instead, there were new people, none of which he knew, and he was scared. He still is, to this day.
Relationships: Fenrir & Loki (Marvel), Fenrir & Tony Stark, Fenrir (Marvel) & Bruce Banner, Fenrir (Marvel) & Jarvis, Fenrir (Marvel) & Steve Rogers
Series: The Chains That Bind Us [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1477469
Comments: 48
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. This installment was supposed to be one chapter, and about 10.000 words. Obviously, that didn't work out, mostly because I realized that there were a lot of things that would happen after the point at which we left off, and then I decided to write all 17 chapters. But I had a great time writing it, so I hope you have a great time reading it, too! Please heed the tags, though. There's a lot of dark stuff, and I wouldn't want anyone getting hurt, so please be careful!
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear what you think, especially this time around (because I've got a lot of feelings about this work)! Updates every Monday and Friday, so keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

The night is quiet. No, that’s not quite true. He can still hear a lot of things - Breathing through the walls, the tiny clicking sounds under the floorboards, those heartbeats that seem to follow him wherever he goes, and the sound of steps running from him as he cowers in the dark, hoping to remain unseen. Yes, there are still sounds, but none that he finds any comfort in. Strange sounds, the kind that scratch in his ears and make him shiver in the darkness of the night. He’s alone- Again. Lost, in a new, even more terrifying way, because this used to be what he once cautiously called home, but now it’s just--

But no. No longer home, he is rather sure. Just another palace he is not welcome in, and he knows that feeling. It’s the one he remembers best. Still, it hurts. Because he aches for the time he spent here, feeling warm and loved and protected, safe within these walls, with no desire to leave. That has changed, too. He’d like to leave, while at the same time, he knows there is no way he can. This is the place... If Tony doesn’t return for him, he might return to his Tower, and if he leaves, he won’t be here to see that happen... One day. It might take a long time, but he is prepared to wait for as long as it takes, even if his heart clenches at that thought. Yes, he will wait, for years if he has to - As long as Tony returns one day, and then- Then he isn’t sure. All he knows is that he feels scared and empty ever since the man left, and he trembles when he dares to think about the possibility that Tony might never... No. No, that can’t happen. With a sigh, he pushes himself off the wall and listens carefully. The steps have tapered off, and he can’t sense anyone else in the next few rooms. Glancing up the ceiling, he hopes that JARVIS will let him know if anyone comes close again, and so he dares to start moving again.

Sato wonders what he did wrong. He has been wondering ever since father was taken away, and he was left with indescribable grief and a quiet, withdrawn Tony who wouldn’t even look at him anymore. It all happened so quickly, and then- Then there were all those strangers flooding into the Tower, and Tony disappeared into his workshop, while he was told to stay in one of the cool, empty rooms higher up, and that was the last he saw of the man he once knew. Instead, there were new people, none of which he knew, and he was scared. He still is, to this day. Scared of all those strangers, who smell of danger and strength, who took down his father and then brought him to the old king, and who are so close, breathing behind those thin walls, and he shivers when he sneaks down the corridor, ears straining to catch any sounds that might indicate someone coming closer. No, he ist still alone, and so he dares to move just a little faster, praying that JARVIS is watching over him.

Tony is gone. He left, barely explaining why, and Sato is still here, and he doesn’t know what to do. The strangers have settled in, and they are now moving through the Tower as if they own it, and Sato doesn’t like them at all. He wants them gone, and he wants Tony back, and his father, too, and he wants this fear to end. But he is still alone, and doesn’t know where to go, who to turn to, because all those he trusts are gone, and what’s left--

_There is no one currently residing in the kitchen, Sato. You should have enough time to eat something there. I will keep an eye out and warn you, should anyone approach._

Sato takes a moment to smile gratefully at the ceiling, because words are still difficult to form, and his voice sounds strange and rough. The ghost understands him anyway, he knows. JARVIS might be his last ally, but at least he is trustworthy and won’t- Leave. He will stay in the Tower, and he is still watching over Sato, even now, and that makes him feel a little better.

Finally reaching the kitchen, he quickly darts to the refrigerator and pulls it open. Without thinking too much, he grabs a few things, pushes the door closed again, and then immediately hurries back into the protective darkness. He feels like a thief, and he hates himself. Still, he’s hungry, has been hungry for the entire day, but he was too scared to leave his room before night fell, so now he’s too hungry to care about stealing and feeling like an intruder, even after all the time he spent here before _they_ came. Sneaking back into his room, he quickly pushes the door shut and breathes a sigh of relief as he walks over to his bed. There, he crawls onto the mattress, and takes a first look at his gatherings. It’s not much, but it will probably last him for another day or two. Maybe three, if he can control himself, and then he will have to venture out again. He shudders at the thought, but he doesn’t dwell on it. Life isn’t good, but it could be a lot worse. Sato is safe, at least in this very room, and there is food, and- JARVIS, there is always JARVIS, so he is not alone, either. He knows what true loneliness feels like, but while this comes close, it’s not the same thing. And if he survived Lyngvy, he can survive this, too.

Nodding to himself, he crawls under the covers and wraps them tightly around himself. Moving on two weak legs is bad enough, but losing his fur is what he mourns the most. Now, he’s almost always shivering, and even though JARVIS tries to keep his room warm, it’s simply not the same. Also, the warm air makes him sneeze and his skin itch, so he prefers to bury himself under as many thick blankets as he can find, and simply not think about being cold. Then, he grabs one of the items he brought back - A bar of chocolate. He’s come to love those a lot. Tearing the wrapping open, he stuffs a few pieces into his mouth and chews, savoring the sweet, slightly bitter taste and humming to himself. Once half of the chocolate is gone, he reaches for the small notepad and a pen.

Writing is a lot easier than talking, though it’s still rather difficult. His hands and fingers simply won’t move the way he wants them to, and the frustration he feels every single time he fails to draw the letters he needs makes it hard to concentrate for longer than a few seconds. It does get easier, though, with every passing day. Sato doesn’t talk, so he has to use this method of communication, and so he practices every day as much as he can. Slowly, ever so slowly he is improving, and he hopes that it won’t be much longer until he can simply write down whatever he wants to. For now, this is enough. Struggling for a couple of seconds, he finally manages to write down a few words and holds the notepad up to the ceiling. He knows JARVIS can see it, and he will then proceed to tell him all about the words he wrote down.

**Tony.**

_Mister Stark is still not reachable and refuses to take any calls. Would you like for me to leave a message?_

Sato sighs and shakes his head. There is no use in trying to reach Tony, because he won’t respond, and Sato- Sato doesn’t want to force him to come back, although he doubts he even could. Still, he worries that if he leaves a message - Maybe the man will run even further away. No, it will have to wait, so he shakes his head again and points at the second word.

**Strangers.**

_The Avengers are still residing in the Tower. They have been asking about your well being, and both Captain Rogers and Doctor Banner have expressed explicit interest in meeting you._

Sato shudders at that as he curls even tighter into himself, shaking his head once again. Knowing that the strangers are asking about him only scares him more, because it means they are aware of his existence. He knows that JARVIS won’t allow them to come to this room, but still... What if they decide they don’t want him here? What if they break down the door and drag him outside? What if they- Kill him? Sato knows he can’t stop them, not in this form, and his current body is too weak and slow to outrun them, so it’d be easy, so terribly easy to just break his neck and throw his body from the Tower...

_I believe it would be a good idea to meet them, if only for a short amount of time. You have been isolating yourself for almost two months now, and it appears your physical and mental health are deteriorating. Neither Captain Rogers nor Doctor Banner mean to harm you--_

Sato lets out a distressed whine, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head, because no! No, he can’t allow them to get any closer, because while they might not wish for his death now, that could change in a moment’s notice, and then it will be too late! And Tony told him to stay away from strangers under any circumstances, to hide if he himself wasn’t there, to never dare to get closer, and he trusts- He trusts Tony, and he believes that the man only wanted to protect him, at least back then, and he will do as he told him, if that’s all he can do right now.

Still trembling slightly, he pulls the notepad up and out of the covers, pointing it towards the ceiling with the next word.

**Rhodey.**

_Colonel Rhodes is still on a mission in an undisclosed location. I can try to reach him or leave a message for when he arrives back in the United States, but I fear it won’t be very successful. Would you still--_

But Sato is already shaking his head again, swallowing down the tears and the sorrow that are growing in his throat, pushing into his mouth and eyes. No, he won’t cry. There’s no reason for that, even if he feels lost and adrift, without any way to turn. Even if he is... Alone. Even if they have all left him, and again- He wonders what he did wrong. Why they suddenly turned their backs and walked away, without an explanation, without even looking at him. Maybe they will tell him one day.

Swallowing once again, he scratches out those three words, and instead focuses on the other ones - The ones that don’t hurt to think about. Those are the words he has stumbled upon throughout the day, by exploring the room he has been hiding in, by watching the TV screen, by just sitting at the window and watching life moving down in the streets. Things he has never heard about, things he doesn’t understand, and he tries his best to remember those, to write the words down and safe them for later, when he’s curled up under the covers and needs something to drown out the silence that presses heavily against his ears.

And JARVIS - JARVIS is always there to grant him answers. It’s become a ritual he heavily relies on, and it has helped him learn a lot about this new world he has seen so little of still. Over the last few weeks, the friendly ghost has spent countless hours explaining things to him, and Sato likes to think that he- But no, he still feels lost. But at least there are now a few more things he recognizes, and it usually makes him feel just a little lighter, like he figured out a tiny part of this huge, confusing puzzle he’s facing every day anew. Today, he frowns down at his notes, because there are quite a few new words and ideas he wants to learn about, and he’s a little unsure of where to start. Time doesn’t matter, since Sato tries to sleep as little as possible, because--

But no, he doesn’t even like to think about that, so he shakes the thought off with a slight shudder and quickly circles the word he deems most important, turning the notepad and holding it up towards the ceiling.

**Dragons.**

Now, Sato knows about dragons. He has even met a few, in the many years he spent traveling through the realms with his father. They always made sure to keep a great distance, though Sato remembers being rather sad that he wasn’t allowed to get any closer and try talking to them. He was so sure that they wouldn’t hurt him, but father told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t to leave his side for a moment. So, he had to watch from a distance as he listened to his father tell him all about those old, powerful creatures, and the wisdom they allegedly hold. Yes, he knows all about dragons. But he wonders what the humans think about them, too. After a few weeks under JARVIS’s watchful eye, he has come to understand that while these worlds differ in many ways, there are quite a few overlapping parts, too. Those are the places he feels himself float in, weightless and warm if only for a moment, because he doesn’t feel quite so alien anymore.

_A dragon is a large, serpentine legendary creature that appears in the folklore of many cultures around the world. Beliefs about dragons vary drastically by region, but dragons in western cultures since the High Middle Ages have often been depicted as winged, horned, four-legged, and capable of breathing fire. Would you like to hear more about their different depictions throughout history and around the world?_

Sato nods as he curls a little tighter into himself and nibbles on his chocolate. It seems the humans got most of it right, though he wonders about those other kinds, the ones he hasn’t seen for himself, and he nudges his head towards the big screen on the other end of the room. A moment later JARVIS turns it on, and proceeds to show him pictures of what he has seen for himself, and of creatures that make him sit up straight again, with long, winding bodies and whiskers, gliding through through the air.

The AI proceeds to tell him a few tales, too, and Sato is grateful that he leaves out the ones from Asgard and the other realms, focusing instead of what the humans believed about dragons, and he listens and nods along while he finishes his chocolate. Once he has licked his fingers clean, he grabs his notepad and writes his thoughts down again.

**They are nice.**

_Most depictions of dragons suggest them to be rather dangerous, cunning and violent, to a certain degree. Although there are a quite a few stories about friendly dragons as well, the majority--_

But Sato is already shaking his head, holding his notepad up again.

**Not those. The ones I met. They are nice.**

He can’t be too sure, of course, but there were moments when those creatures looked at him, and he felt no sense of danger or intense fear, just- Awe, and a sense of humility. But they were nice, for a lack of another word. Sato isn’t sure there are the right words that in this (or any other) language that could ever encompass what he saw in those ancient eyes. Yes, they were nice.

_You have met dragons, then, Sato?_

Sato nods as he starts to write again.

**Long ago. With father. Stayed away, but they looked and**

And that’s where words fail him. Still he smiles at the ceiling and tries to somehow convey his certainty about those creatures. He hopes the AI will understand, but at the same time, it probably doesn’t matter all that much. He doubts that JARVIS will ever meet a dragon, anyway.

_And where did you meet them?_

**Don’t remember. Far away, always hidden.** **Old** **Ancient. But warm, gentle. Father said to stay away, but they saw me. They always looked. They breathed fire. But they never hurt us. And father told many stories.**

It’s frustrating to see just how bad he is at articulating what he’s feeling. How long it takes to write down those few sentences, and how much his hand shakes the entire time. Still, he forces himself to finish his thoughts and then holds the notepad up again, letting the AI read and process.

_And what did they look like?_

Sato frowns, because there is no way he can explain using just his pen and some paper. Luckily, JARVIS understands and shows him some more pictures, so that he only has to point at the right image and scribble down a few notes whenever it gets close, but not close enough. They work on their understanding for a while, and then Sato smiles widely when JARVIS proceeds to merge a few of the images together, and creates something very, very close to what he once saw.

_Do you know if they were capable of thoughts and feelings? Do you think they understand language, the way you do?_

He shrugs before grabbing his notepad again. Writing is difficult, but he forces himself to not give up, and he notices that the words flow just a little better than they did before.

**They are ancient. They understand but they don’t talk or I never heard. But they understand I’m sure. And they know I think. Most things.**

_How did your father know where to find them? If they were always hidden?_

**Father always knew. But I don’t know how he knew. Stories I think maybe. He never told me. But he always took me there and we’d watch them in the dark.**

Those are fond memories, and they make him smile for just a moment. Then, that moment is gone, and he feels something crumble inside of his heart. Shuddering, he curls into himself and swallows down the tears, because he won’t cry, because there is no use in crying. Still, he feels the pain and the sorrow and the loneliness claw through his chest. It’s a feeling he is used to, by now. And after months, years... Centuries, really, all he has to do is swallow once or twice, before brushing a hand over his eyes and forcing himself to hold up his notepad again.

**No more dragons.**

_Of course. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?_

Sato thinks thinks about that for a few moments, scrolling through his list of words and questions, before settling on one he deems relatively safe.

**Spongebob?**

He caught a glimpse of the strange creature in between programs, and those bright colors didn’t leave his mind afterwards. It made him smile, and he has learned to cling to the few things that still manage to do that. So now, he hopes to smile again.

_Spongebob Squarepants is a cartoon series which has been airing since 1999. It follows the lead character, a yellow sea sponge, who works in the fast food industry and embarks on various adventures with his friends, including a starfish and a squirrel._

Sato isn’t all that sure what to say to that, so he only cocks his head and frowns at the ceiling.

_I believe it would be best to demonstrate. Would you like to watch the first episode? It introduces some of the main characters._

This time he nods, because he is curious, and it’s also rather quiet in the cool, empty room, and so he pulls yet another blanket up to his nose and watches the screen while the friendly ghost starts the very first episode.

Spongebob is... Strange. Sato isn’t all that sure what to make of it, in the beginning at least, and he cocks his head and frowns as the small yellow sponge runs through the town and tries to find the right spatula. It doesn’t take long for him to start smiling, though, and just a few moments later he is actually laughing! Because Spongebob is hilarious, and strange and weird and fascinating, so he watches the first episode, and the one after that- He ends up watching the first ten episode without a moment of pause, and he keeps on smiling throughout.

After the twelfth episode, he starts to ask questions: About sponges, and starfish, and crabs and squids, and JARVIS readily pauses the episodes and answers every single one of them patiently, too, and whenever Sato cocks his head, he is ready to expand his explanations even further, and the wolf listens intently.

Squids are fascinating, but he learns even more about octopuses, and watches in awe when JARVIS shows him videos of them navigating the oceans, hiding and hunting, and tells him about their abilities and their intelligence. Then, he asks about sharks, because he has never seen anything like those, and then he shudders when those impressive creatures glide through the dark water, with cold eyes and countless teeth, precise and deadly. Whales are less scary, and he wonders if they are truly as gentle and calm as they appear on the screen, and JARVIS tells him about their journey through the sea every year, and shows him videos of them breaching the surface and throwing themselves back into the water. Then, he wonders about dolphins, and spends almost an hour laughing and smiling at their games, and he learns about how smart they are, and all the mischief they get up to. Dolphins seem to be happy creatures, and he watches longingly as they follow along the human’s ships and swim up to them, making those strange, yet somehow friendly sounds. He learns about the fish they eat, how they catch them, about their strategies when hunting, and then he asks about jellyfish, too, and those-- Those are mesmerizing! Sato spends almost an hour watching them dance slowly through the calm water, while JARVIS tells him about their poisons and their seemingly timeless existence as their colors blur in front of his eyes and he catches himself moving along with them, swaying from side to side ever so slowly. Then, he asks about different kinds of shells and about snails, and then he listens as JARVIS talks and talks and talks, because there seems to be a lot to know about even the smallest of creatures, and Sato listens and tries his best to remember it all. He is not even sure why, but it seems important. And what else is he supposed to do?

After a few hours, he finally shakes his head when the AI asks if he’d like to hear about moraines and puffer fish, too. Instead, he points back to the screen, where Spongebob is stuck in his fear of a butterfly, and JARVIS readily starts it up again. By now, most of his food is already gone, and he’s dreading the next few days. The AI already told him that he is eating way too little to be healthy, which he already knew. He can feel the hunger gnawing at his stomach at almost any time, and he knows he’s growing weaker, too. His hands shake often enough, and he is sure he wouldn’t be able to fight off anyone, let alone the strangers currently residing in the Tower. Still, he also knows that it will be a while before he can dare to venture out of his room again, so he will simply have to push the constant feeling of hunger away and focus on Spongebob, instead. It’s easy enough, with those bright colors and loud, shrill voices, and not too much later, he is smiling again.

Until he hears steps just outside the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaand we're back. Not posting every day sucks, but it gives me time to work on the on the next installment. Lemme know what you think, comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated, they make my day :D
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

The sounds are nothing new. Sato has often heard them walk by his door, throughout the entire floor, really, since it seems that while his strength is basically gone, his senses haven’t abandoned him. Yet (He fears that, a lot. That it will only get worse as time in this cursed form drags on. That he will one day wake up and hear nothing anymore. Just another thing that keeps him up at night). By now, he’s familiar with them, and can distinguish between each one.

There’s the archer and the woman, who’s footsteps are hard even for him to hear at times - Very soft, like their feet barely touch the ground, yet he can tell there’s strength and strategy behind each step. The Beast, in another body, and he feels his hackles rise whenever he hears them pass. A little unsure, a little stumbling, with a lot of hesitancy, but Sato tries not to think about that creature too much, for all the fear and dread and anger he feels. And then there’s the Soldier, who is walking through the hallway right now. His steps are sure and without hesitation, with lots of strength and confidence in every movement. Yes, Sato knows those sounds, and not only that - He has also learned all about their movement, their habits and rhythms, and he has learned to avoid them at all costs. JARVIS has helped him with that, too, but the wolf doesn’t rely on the friendly ghost too much. So far, he has managed to stay away from them, hasn’t even seen any of them, not once.

Now, he strains his ears and listens as the footsteps move through the hallway. It’s- Morning, he realizes, with a look towards the wide windows. The sun is just about to rise, and he breathes a sigh of relief, because it means he has managed to stay awake and won’t have to sleep for a few more hours. So, the Soldier will go out soon, and come back in about two hours. The others will wake up soon enough, then they will have breakfast in the kitchen, and then spend the day scattered throughout the Tower. Still, Sato listens carefully to those steps, and then his breath gets stuck in his chest when they pause - Right in front of his door. That hasn’t happened before, and he shudders as he feels his heart start to race, and his muscle tremble under his soft, useless skin. No, oh no...!

Slowly, he pulls the covers back and carefully slides off the bed, crouching down behind it. He can feel the Soldier breathing behind that door, and the fear- There’s so much fear in his mind, and it makes him slow and stupid. Then, there’s a sharp knock, and Sato flinches back, pressing his back against the cool wall.

“Sato? It’s Steve.”

The voice is muffled, but it still pierces his ears and the name sounds wrong in the stranger’s mouth. The wolf shudders. It’s loud, and he can’t leave, he can’t escape. Sato is stuck, and he hates that feeling, he hates it more than anything else.

“I just wanted to ask if you’d like to have breakfast with me? I was thinking about making some pancakes.”

The words barely register as his heart pounds in his chest, and all he truly hears is his own labored breathing. His body is preparing for a fight, but he knows all too well that he’s hopelessly outmatched. They took his strength, and while they didn’t kill him, they might as well have done that, too. If he has to fight, he will lose. Some days he thinks death might have been the better option. Yet his body is trembling and he is ready to fight until his last breath.

“Bruce and I have been wondering if you’d like to talk to us for a few minutes. We’d like to meet you - Officially, this time, I mean.”

Where, where to go? Sato’s eyes are darting through the room, trying to find a place to hide, because fighting is not an option, and he feels the fear rise in the back of his throat, clouding his mind. The Soldier is still talking, about how they want him to meet the rest of the strangers, about food and company, but it’s- Lies, all lies! Or maybe not, but they will change their mind, and then, what will he do then?

Sato can hear JARVIS talking to him, but he only shakes his head, wishing for a voice and the ability to articulate how horrifying all of this feels. His breathing is only speeding up, and his hands are shaking, and he wishes for his old form - Strong, with protective fur, and a maw full of long, sharp teeth, making him look dangerous, no matter how scared he is! But here he is, a small, defenseless human, and there’s the solider, and he is still talking-- He whines, long and low, shaking to is core and desperately trying to hold back tears and sobs. He doesn’t want to die! He doesn’t want the Soldier to open the door and come any closer and look at him and decide he’s too dangerous to be left alone after all, and he doesn’t know what to do!

_Try to slow down your breathing, Sato. You are hyperventilating, and you will most likely pass out in less than two minutes if you continue breathing like this. There is no need to be afraid. I will tell Captain Rogers to leave now._

The wolf nods, even if the words barely register, and then he tries his best to slow down his breathing as he listens to JARVIS familiar voice. His friend is still here, and he won’t leave. JARVIS will watch over him, and he won’t allow the strangers to enter his room, and he will try to keep them from hurting the wolf, too. Straining his ears, he listens for the AI’s calm, collected voice, now echoing through the hallway.

_Captain Rogers, while I am sure you have nothing but the best intentions, it appears your proximity is extremely distressing for Sato at this point in time. I would ask you to leave and possibly return at a later time._

“Oh, I- I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. Is he... Okay?”

Sato growls lowly and pulls his lips back. No, he is not! But the Soldier has nothing to do with that, he only needs to leave! And Sato wants to growl and bark and tell the stranger to BACK OFF!

_Sato is as well as can be expected, given the circumstances. Again, I ask you to leave and not return until further notice, as your presence is not beneficial to his condition right this moment._

The AI’s voice sounds cooler than it ever does when he talks to Sato, but it works. The Soldier mutters a quiet apology, and then turns to leave. The wolf strains his ears and listens as his footsteps retreat, and when they finally round the corner, he slumps in relief. His muscles are trembling. He is too overwhelmed to even make it back to bed, so he simply crumbles to the floor, curling into himself, closing his eyes. He’s shivering, shaking, because he’s scared and confused, and so relieved he almost starts crying. But tears won’t help him, so why should he bother?

_Are you alright, Sato?_

He doesn’t want to move, but he still nods, and then he lifts his head and smiles at the ceiling. He hopes that JARVIS understands, how grateful he is, for his company, his friendship, his care and protection. But JARVIS usually understands, so he’s not too worried.

It takes a while until he gathers the strength to crawl towards the bed, onto the mattress, and back under the covers, because he’s cold, and he is tired, too. By then, the other strangers have awoken, and are wandering throughout the hallways. He can hear them talking, and some laughter, too, but he pushes it all away as he pulls the blankets over his head and tries his best to hide away from the world for just a short while.

Sato feels raw, like someone skinned him alive and left him bleeding onto the mattress. Everything feels too close, too loud, too rough, and it leaves him gasping for breath and begging for a moment of peace and quiet. This world is a lot faster than Asgard, a lot louder and sometimes more colorful, but it’s hard to see the bright colors when he’s in pain and scared most of the time. And again, he wonders what he did wrong. Why he is alone now, when he-- He had his father back, if only for a few moments, and he... He had Tony, but now... Now, he’s alone, and he is scared, and he can’t help but think that he’s the one to blame. His father didn’t want to leave, but he had to, and they chained and muzzled him, and he feels tears burn in his eyes, because he wishes he hadn’t seen, but he did, on the TV screen, a few weeks ago, when JARVIS didn’t manage to change the channel fast enough. And Tony- Tony left, and Sato always wanted to ask him _why, why did you leave me, when you promised me I’d never be alone again?_ But the man was gone before he had the chance to even open his mouth, and now there’s only silence. And the pain, the sorrow he feels, because sometimes he isn’t sure if he isn’t grieving like they have both died, because it feels that way - Or does it? But how would he know? Sato hasn’t lost- Well, he has lost a lot, and he remembers death and grief, but in a smudged, distorted kind of way, since it’s been so long, and he was too young to understand. He is not even sure if he understands now, because he is still confused and wakes up in the middle of the night, calling out for his father, or Tony, just someone to hold onto and listen to as he falls back asleep. He misses the nights they spent in the lab, when one of them would get scared, and the other would provide comfort, and Tony would talk about his friends, his family, MIT, his newest ideas, movies, music... And Sato would lie there and listen and feel safe and not alone anymore.

These days, JARVIS answers. His voice is soothing, but he lacks the warmth that Tony would provide, and he has no body to curl around, no hands to card through- But well, Sato no longer has any fur, so that point is lost, anyway. He remembers his father carding his hand through his hair, soothing his worries and fears. Sato no longer dares to even dream of his father coming back, of him staying with the wolf until they both fall asleep, of him telling stories and summoning small, glowing creatures to flutter through the air, dancing around Sato’s snout until he sneezes. But JARVIS is here, and so he is not entirely alone. Still, he feels cold, all the time, so he buries himself under soft blankets and tries not think about warm fur and even warmer hugs. He thinks about squids, instead, about jellyfish and sponges and sharks, dolphins and pufferfish, crabs and starfish and whales and all the other mysteries waiting in the dark ocean of this world. He swallows down the tears and then squeezes his eyes shut and hopes that no one else will come knocking on the door today.

Time passes. Maybe a few hours, maybe a few days. Sato isn’t sure, he hasn’t been for while, now. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He stays in the room, under his blankets, dozing and listening for any danger that might approach. It stays quiet, and time passes. He doesn’t mind; he is grateful, actually. Grateful that he doesn’t have to think or worry too much, can simply lie in his little cave and just breathe and exist in this warm, soft place.

No one else comes, and he feels himself calm down after many, many hours (days, he isn’t sure). Finally, he pulls the blankets down and takes a breath of clean, cool air. Glancing at the windows, he sees that the sun is setting again, and he wonders how much time he lost, now. His stomach is growling, but it doesn’t feel too bad just yet. Maybe he only spent a single day hiding away. Either way, it doesn’t matter.

_Are you feeling better now, Sato?_

He nods and yawns as he looks around for his notepad. His hands shake, but he still manages to write down what he needs to say.

**Thank you.**

_You are welcome, of course. I apologize for not de-escalating the situation much sooner._

**Don’t mind. Thank you. Trust you.**

_I am honored by your trust, and I promise not to betray it._

**I know** , Sato writes and holds the notepad up with a small smile.

And he truly knows. He trusts JARVIS with his life, and he barely trusts anyone, these days. But the friendly ghost is here, and he won’t betray him, the wolf is sure of that.

_I would still advise you to consider Captain Rogers’ offer. Considering your declining health, physical as well as mental, I strongly suggest to end your self imposed isolation and engage in social contacts once again._

Sato flinches, then shudders as he shakes his head. No, he can’t do that! And JARVIS should know... But he also knows that the AI can’t, because he himself can barely process all the fear and anger and desperation he feels whenever footsteps cross the hallway. He doesn’t try anymore, either, because he is tired of thinking about it, anyway.

_You are rapidly losing weight, and you are not eating an in any way balanced diet. It has been two months since you have exercised, you are suffering from almost constant nightmares, as well as frequent panic attacks and dissociative episodes. On top of that, you are showing signs of depression and--_

But Sato is already shaking his head. He doesn’t understand, but at the same time he already knows most of what JARVIS is telling him. Sato _knows_ he is withering away, he can feel it every moment, with every shallow breath he takes, every time he stumbles when he pushes himself to his feet. And he... He wants to change that, too. But how?

_People suffering from symptoms like yourself are advised to seek professional help, and while I understand that that might be close to impossible at this point in time, I do believe there are other steps that need to be taken. Engaging in social contact again, exercise, a regular sleeping schedule, a balanced, healthy diet, and--_

Sato stops listening after a few more moments, because his head is filled with cotton and rotten leaves, and he feels his gaze shift, far away from this moment. His eyes wander towards the wide windows, and he stares into the sunset and thinks about the forest. About the trees shielding him from prying eyes, about all the tiny creatures following his trail, the thrill of the hunt, and the smells, all those wonderful smells and sounds, and that beautiful freedom he used to take for granted. And JARVIS is still talking, and the wolf knows he should listen, knows that his body and mind are slowly unraveling, and he is scared, or he should be, but he is tired.

_I know you are afraid of being hurt or imprisoned again, but I’d like to remind you of the arrangement all involved parties have agreed upon. You are safe here._

It sounds like a lie, but Sato doesn’t tell JARVIS, because he knows, somehow he knows that the AI wouldn’t lie to him. He never has. Like his father... Father never lied to him, either. Still- He knows he is not truly safe. It’s only a matter of time until someone decides on something else, and seals his fate once again. Sato is only waiting for that moment to come, and he is scared.

_Captain Rogers and Doctor Banner are both not interested in hurting you in any way. I believe they truly want to meet you and talk to you. They probably suspect that you are unwell, and would like to try and make it better._

This time, he shrugs. The Soldier is a stranger, but he carries himself like the warriors back in Asgard did. He knows how to fight and kill and survive, and while he has made no move to harm Sato in any way, he is certainly capable of doing so. And the Beast? Sato knows the man that sleeps inside of it might be calm and quiet, but the Beast beat his father into the ground and then roared in triumph. No, those are not... Safe.

_I believe it would be a good idea to talk to them, if only for a few minutes. It might help you to work through your fear, and would reduce your stress level significantly. If you continue to isolate yourself, I am rather certain your mental state will deteriorate even further in an even shorter amount of time._

Sato wishes he could care a bit more, but he is... Tired. So very tired, and all he wants to do is curl up under the covers and- Sleep. Even if he dreads sleeping these days, he knows that being awake is much worse, at least right now. Also, he can’t concentrate on what JARVIS is talking about, and he wants to listen, because he cares about the AI and what he has to say, so he allows himself to fall back and curl into a tight ball, pulling the blankets up to his nose again.

_I worry about you, Sato. Your health is at risk, and I am afraid that you are endangering yourself._

Sato whines at that, but he doesn’t bother to reach for his notepad again. Instead, he allows his eyes to slip shut and slowly starts to drift off.

_Will you at least think about talking to Doctor Banner or Captain Rogers?_

He nods, because... Well, he might think about it, even if he already knows that he won’t ever allow them to get any closer to him. Still, he doesn’t want the AI to worry any more than he already does. So he will think about it, and then he will decide once again to not trust any strangers and just stay away, and- Wait. It’s all he does, anyway. He has spent most of his life waiting. For his father to come back, for his wounds to heal, and now? Now, he will simply wait for Tony to come back to the Tower, and then... Then, he isn’t sure what will happen. But things will get better, he knows. He hopes, at least. He is not sure what he will do otherwise.

With still closed eyes, he reaches out and grabs his notepad. At the back of the small item, there are a few well used pages, filled with words he uses almost every day, and now he holds up one of those pages, holding it up for JARVIS to read.

**Story?**

_Of course. Would you like for us to continue with The Hobbit?_

Sato nods, already smiling, because he’s truly come to love that sweet story, and finds himself marveling at that human’s ideas about dwarves. And there are moments when he finds himself feeling at home in the midst of Middle Earth, a feeling he has come to crave, especially after days like this one. So, he snuggles down into the bedding and gets comfortable, smiling as JARVIS starts to tell the tale once again. And soon enough, he gets lost in the story, feeling warm and happy, and safe, if only for a small amount of time. As Elrond starts to tell the group about of some secret of their map, he feels some of his fear melt away, and he lets out a content sigh.

_He dreams. He always does. He dreams of the things he saw that day, and finds himself wandering through the ocean. It’s not dark, but cool, and the water brushes wetly and softly against his naked skin and makes him shiver. Sato wanders through forests made out of corals and sea weed and climbs up mountains that are covered in clams and anemones. Countless fish swim around him, and he watches them for a long time, quietly murmuring their names and thinking about everything he knows about their diet and habits and rhythms. He watches the crabs and starfish, he tickles sponges and chases after a few dolphins, and then he lies back in the cool, soft sand and watches the whales float above his head._

_He dreams about the ocean, and he tries desperately to cling to that safe, strange place, but he knows it won’t last. All too soon, he feels fear and anger tug at his skin and bones, and then this beautiful world is swallowed by blackness and he is gone._

_When he blinks his eyes open again, he is back in chains, tied to the ground, and the smell of heather makes him gag. He is a prisoner, once again, and Fenrir howls, starts to tear at the fetter, and cries out in pain when the chains bite into his flesh. No, no no no no no no, it can’t be! With another growl, he starts to fight, to tear and gnaw at the fetter, and he feels the pain, feels his flesh tear and his bones break, and he doesn’t care! All he cares about is being free again, and to run away, far, far away, and to never, ever be chained down again! So Fenrir growls, spits out blood and rams his teeth into the fetter again, he scratches at the chain links and tries not to think about the scars and the wounds and-- But it’s no use, and after a long, long time he slumps, whining and crying out for help, because surely there has to be someone out there, right? Someone has to be listening - Right? But there is no answer, and no one comes to save him, and he thinks that maybe it was all a dream, and he never truly left Lyngvy, and the Allfather is laughing. Fenrir screams, roars, shakes his head, and then there’s a new pain biting into his maw, because the sword, oh no, the SWORD! And then he’s gagging, throwing up blood and acid and he feels tears run down his face._

_Whimpering, he blinks his eyes open again and stares into the heather. And then he sees that he is not alone. His father. Chained to the ground, with fetters biting into his flesh. His skin looks ashen, with dark circles under his eyes, long hair dirty and tangled as he stares ahead, at nothing. Fenrir whimpers, whines as he struggles against his bindings once again, as he feels fear and desperation claw at his heart. No, this can’t be happening! No, no, no, no, no, not his father, no, it can’t be, this can’t be happening! The wolf cries out again, and it actually makes his father blink a few times. His green eyes are dull as he turns towards Fenrir, but all of a sudden, there’s a spark, a small fire or recognition, and the wolf cries out once more. His father seems to struggle with processing this, all of this, but he straightens, and then he leans forward, staring at the wolf._

_“Fenrir?”, he whispers, and the wolf whimpers, trembling in his chains, and then he starts to pull, struggling towards those warm hands and green, familiar eyes, not caring about the fetter cutting deeply into his flesh, “oh, my poor boy, what are you doing here?”_

_Father!, he wants to cry, father, I miss you! I’m so scared, I’m so alone! Please, please come and help me! Please, don’t let me rot away in the Tower, I’m begging you!_

_His father’s eyes fill with tears, and he reaches out, but it’s no use, the chains won’t allow them to touch. Still, the wolf fights, and he feels the blood run through his fur, because he would rather die than not fight!_

_“My sweet pup... I am so sorry you are still suffering”, his father whispers, and Fenrir doesn’t understand, can only listen as he pushes against the chains and pushes forward, “I wish I could be there with you, I wish- I wish I could hold you, I wish I could comfort you, make all of your fears go away...”_

_Fenrir whimpers, and the fetters groan, but they don’t give, and so he pushes just a little harder, just a tiny bit further, closer to his father, through the... Ashes? Did Lyngvy burn to the ground?_

_“Stop! Stop, please!”, his father cries, and Fenrir freezes._

_Lifting his head, he looks at the distressed sorcerer, who is trembling from head to toe as he stares at his bound son. He wants to keep on pushing, but the fear and pain in his father’s eyes stop his movements._

_“Those binds won’t break, my sweet pup. They won’t let either of us go”, he whispers with a sad smile, “and I am sorry that you have to suffer through my own fears and anguish...”_

_Fenrir wants to tell him that if he had the choice, he’d choose to walk through Helheim with his father at any moment. There is no hell worse than this, but all he manages is a distressed whine and a shudder._

_“But it will be alright, Fenrir, I can promise you that. Because none of this is real. Do you understand me, my beautiful boy? None of this is happening. And I want you to wake up again. Just close your eyes, close them tightly, squeeze them shut. Yes, just like that. And when you open them again, you will be awake, and safe. I promise, Fenrir. I promise.”_

Fenrir wakes up with a gasp. He knows- He is back. Back at in the Tower, hidden away from the outside world, and hopefully hidden away from prying eyes. With a violent shudder, he curls into himself as tears start falling, hot and fat, running down his cheeks and into the bedding. His heart clenches and trembles, and he bites back a sob as he curls into himself, as if he will fall apart if he doesn’t.

_Did you have a nightmare, Sato?_

JARVIS already knows, so he doesn’t bother nodding. The ghost knows, and he probably tried to wake him up, too, yet it was no use. It often isn’t. Still, he also doesn’t nod because he is not all that sure. Sato doesn’t know where his father is- Well, he is in Asgard, but where exactly, he has no idea. Maybe they really did chain him up at Lygnvy, and his entire body shakes at that thought. He feels sick, wants to throw up and get rid of the awful taste in his mouth. But he doesn’t. Instead, he forces himself to take a few deep breaths and tries to will his racing heart to slow down.

_Would you like to talk about?_

Sato would like that, yes. But his hands are shaking too hard to even hold a pen, let alone write down his jumbled thoughts, and he knows that if he opens his mouth, all that will come down will be a wail, and a pathetic cry for help. So he keeps quiet, and JARVIS doesn’t press. He understands, or Sato at least likes to think that he does. After a while, his breathing evens out, and his heart only aches ever so slightly every other minute. He can feel himself calming down, if only a little bit - And if only by not thinking about what he saw just mere moments ago. Instead, he feels himself perk up when JARVIS starts talking once again.

_Would you like to learn something about moraines and pufferfish?_

Yes. Yes, he wants to hear about those. They looked very interesting when he saw them on the screen, so he quickly nods as he rearranges one of the pillows and chews on one of the blankets. Keeping his teeth busy, so they don’t stray away, so they don’t start digging into his flesh again. The blanket is the better choice, and then JARVIS starts to talk, and all Sato has to do is listen.

It’s night again, or still, he isn’t sure. Maybe he slept for a few days, maybe for a few minutes, it doesn’t matter. All that matters now is the AI’s familiar, comforting voice, and his own mind following down the path the friendly ghost leads him on. It grows quiet, again, and Sato learns about pufferfish and tries not to think about his father, far away and chained down in the ashes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaay new chapter! More depressing stuff and some backstory, hope you enjoy, and please let me know if you do!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

Mushrooms, Sato learns over the next few days, mushrooms are truly fascinating. Drifting somewhere between animal and plant, they are surprisingly complex and come in so many shapes, sizes and colors that it makes his head spin. JARVIS is kind enough to show him countless documentaries, and so he watches them grow at a rapid rate (and is rather relieved when the AI tells him that it’s not the natural way of things, but rather a sped up process), feels his eyes widen when he learns about the mushrooms that crawl into an ant’s brains and then take control of the tiny animals, guiding them as it pleases. It makes him shudder as he watches the ant die and the mushroom feast on its body, and JARVIS quickly switches to another documentary, telling Sato about the biggest mushroom in the whole of this world, so big that it devours entire trees from the underground, thousands of years old, and growing mostly undetected from the humans.

Yes, mushrooms are fascinating, and there is a lot more to learn about them than Sato first thought, and so they spend many hours talking about them - Or rather, Sato asks questions and JARVIS patiently answers them, showing him more pictures and videos and explaining even the tiniest details that have caught the wolf’s attention. Those tiny organisms are truly magnificent, and he barely notices that time is passing at a rapid pace as he watches on.

He wonders, though, about Humungous, hidden away underground, and silently growing. He wonders what else is hiding under the earth, about those secrets he has no idea about yet, because he hasn’t seen any of it and has yet to ask the right questions so that JARVIS can answer them. He thinks about the beautiful world under the water, an entire universe, which he wishes to see one day as well. And then he wonders if it’s the same in other regards, too. With... People. If there are hidden depths and secrets he will probably never see, because he never thought of the right questions to ask. He shudders at that thought, too, because it scares him - All those depths he might never uncover, because he doesn’t know how to ask, and maybe he already missed the right moment, maybe the last moment to ask, and he won’t ever learn what’s hidden underneath. Sato thinks about roots and branches and how they wind through the soft, cool earth and he thinks about silence and all the things he doesn’t know about. It scares him, it really does. So much that he once again hides under his blankets, if only for a few hours, and tries not to worry too much, and hopes that he will have another opportunity to ask the right questions.

He watches the city- Later, sometime later. Sitting at the wide windows, three blankets wrapped around his shoulders (because it’s cold, so horribly cold), he stares outside. At first, he asks about the sun, the stars and the moon, and JARVIS tells him, but not too much, because the wolf can’t bring himself to care all that much about things so far away. Instead, he turns his gaze towards the streets, and watches all the life happening down there.

Sato knows a lot about New York. JARVIS spent almost three whole days telling him all he could about the huge city, because- Well, he was lost, and he was scared and confused and curious, too. So, he asked about the city, and he learned about it, and now he doesn’t feel quite so lost anymore. And he also likes just watching the people, because it’s something he has done before, many times, too. He remembers the days he spent hidden away, watching the people in and around Asgard go through their daily lives, and he remembers feeling the same sense of longing and a bitter sweet ache in his chest. Just the one he feels these days, too. So, he sits quietly and watches as all those people wander through the streets, imagines their voices, their conversations and laughter, their anger and happiness and stress and worry. He’s too far up to actually hear them, but he likes to let his imagination work for him, and it makes the world a little more colorful, at least. And he sees the children hurrying to school, and the adults hurry to work, and he looks at the mothers and fathers carrying their small kids and he wonders again.

**Family.**

_In the context of human society, a family is a group of people related either by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence, or some combination of these._ _The purpose of families is to maintain the well-being of its members and of society. Ideally, families would offer predictability, structure, and safety as members mature and participate in the community. In most societies, it is within families children acquire socialization for life outside the family. Additionally, as the basic unit for meeting the basic needs of its members, it provides a sense of boundaries for performing tasks in a heterosexual environment, ideally builds a person into a functional adult, transmits culture, and ensures continuity of humankind with precedents of knowledge. Is there any specific aspect you were interested in?_

Sato isn’t sure, but he knows that this is not the answer he was looking for. So, he shakes his head and starts to write again.

**I don’t understand it. My father and I that’s all I have. Is that family?**

The explanation didn’t make it sound like it was. But Sato knows, in a way, that his father- His father was always enough, was everything he needed to be happy and feel safe. Now, father is gone, and Sato has no family left. So, he wonders, because he doesn’t know what he himself thinks about families, and maybe the humans have a better idea.

_I do believe that a rather complex concept such as “family” cannot be defined like the explanation I just offered you. I also believe that you and your father would be considered a family, no matter whatdefinition scientists might have agreed on._

That... Sounds better, at least. But still, he has so many questions, and he doesn’t know how to voice them, because he is confused and wonders, yet at the same time, he knows there’s no way for him to actually ask JARVIS, because the AI doesn’t know, and how could he?

**What about Tony**

_Could you specify what you--_

**Is he family?**

This time, JARVIS hesitates, and that is more than enough answer. Sato already suspected, but it still hurts, because- He is not sure. Thinking about these things is difficult, but _feeling_ \- Feeling was always easy for him. The wolf knows what his heart tells him, and it always told him that Tony was important and close and warm and safe and meant that he was happy, cared for and protected. His heart told him almost the same things about his father, and he could always trust his heart, so why would it betray him now?

**Forget it.**

_I am sorry, I truly--_

But Sato only shakes his head, because it hurts to think and feel these things, and so he pushes it all away, even though he knows it won’t help. Instead, he turns his head away from the windows and stares at the blank TV screen, thinking about any documentary he might want to watch, about Spongebob and his friends, and the fact that if JARVIS is correct, he has no family left.

**Mother.**

_A mother is the female parent of a child. Mothers are women who inhibit or perform the role of bearing some relation to their children, who may or may not be their biological offspring. Thus, dependent on the context, women can be considered mothers by virtue of having given birth, by raising their child or children, supplying their ovum for fertilization, or some combination thereof. Does that answer your question, Sato?_

No, it doesn’t. But that’s alright, because Sato isn’t even sure if it was an actual question to begin with. Maybe it was, though this surely doesn’t answer it. And if it wasn’t, there is no way JARVIS can actually tell him what he wants to hear.

_Do you remember your mother, Sato?_

**She is dead**

_I am very sorry to hear that._

**I remember. Some things. She was kind. Strong. Protected me I learned a lot from her. She was a wolf. They killed her.**

_Do you know who killed her?_

**It doesn’t matter**

Because it really doesn’t. His mother is dead, and he remembers... But he doesn’t want to. Still, he knows she is dead, because he was- He was there. He saw it happen. And he always tries to push it away, and to not think about any of those memories. It works, mostly, but he pays a high price, because he has come to understand that while he doesn’t remember that one day all that well anymore, the same can be said about his mother before- Before.

**She was beautiful I have her eyes father told me. She taught me hunting and fighting and howling. She loved me. Father loved her, too.**

He blinks, and feels a couple of tears run down his cheeks. Angrily, he wipes a shaking hand over his burning eyes, because why should he cry over this? It’s been such a long time, and he thought he’d forget about it, eventually. Now, he remembers, and he feels his heart clench and stutter in that familiar way. Sato wants to howl and cry, but he doesn’t. Instead, he shakes his head and dries his eyes and forces himself to keep writing.

**She is gone. Father is gone. No family.**

There’s no answer, and he is relieved, because there’s nothing left to be said. With another deep breath, he forces a shaky smile on his face and holds up the notepad once again.

**Spongebob?**

_Of course, Sato. Do you want to continue with the last episode we watched?_

Spongebob makes him smile again, and JARVIS is kind enough to point out a few minor inaccuracies about the strange creatures living in Bikini Bottom, and so he manages to ignore the bite of hunger in his stomach for almost another day. In the end, he still can’t ignore it forever, and when it gets hard to understand the songs they are singing, and when his hands and legs shake worse than they ever did before, he knows that he will have to leave the room again, before he gets too weak to do even that. With a deep sigh, he throws the blankets back, shivering at the cool air hitting his pleasantly warm skin, but he doesn’t think too much about how the cold floor feels against his naked feet. Grumbling and growling, he pads through the room, and when he reaches the door, he takes a moment to close his eyes and listen.

It’s quiet. Dark, night time. He knows that the other residents don’t always sleep at night, has heard them sneak through the hallways often enough, and so he knows that there are not many patterns he can rely on. Still, it’s quiet, and Sato is hungry, so very hungry, and his stomach growls when he thinks about the food in the kitchen. Just one minute, and then he will be safe again - Or as safe as he ever can hope to be, in a Tower filled with strangers. When JARVIS doesn’t speak any warning, and there are no sounds to be heard, he quickly opens the door and darts outside. Without thinking too much about it, he hurries down the hallway, a path he knows all too well by now, driven by fear and hunger equally. The growling of his stomach is louder than any worry, because it’s been so, _so_ long since he last ate, and he is growing too weak to continue. Just one minute, a single minute, and then he is in the kitchen, and there--

There’s light on, and Sato blinks, and then he sees the stranger already standing there. It’s the Soldier, and he lifts his head when the wolf stumbles into the kitchen, and blinks, too.

No. No no no no no no no no no no no no, NO! He feels fear crawl through his body, muscles growing tight and breath catching, because this- Danger, it’s dangerous, and he is scared, so very scared, and the Soldier slowly straightens up and looks at him, and he feels the urge to turn and run, but he is frozen, and he can’t move--

“Hello, Sato. I’m Steve. It’s, uh, nice to meet you.”

He says all that with a gentle smile, and the wolf shudders. Their eyes are locked, and he takes a slow step back when the Soldier reaches out a hand in his direction. He sees muscle and strength and remembers what he saw. There’s a ringing in his ears and he’s shaking ever so slightly. After a moment or two, the Soldier drops his hand.

“Well, I was just about to make some dinner. Would you like to--”

Sato stumbles back when the Soldier takes another step towards him, and he wants to growl and snap at the man’s head and tell him to BACK OFF!!! He doesn’t want him to come any closer. At least the stranger seems to understand, and he raises his hands in a gesture of peace. Sato would scoff, if he wasn’t so terrified. There’s no peace in this Tower. Only fear.

“I’m sorry. JARVIS already told me that you don’t- That you’d prefer to be left alone for now. I’m sorry for bothering you, too. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He looks at Sato for a few more seconds, then he takes another step back. The wolf watches him with wide eyes, and shudders at the thought of having to fight the strength he feels behind even the smallest of movements. He wouldn’t stand a chance, he knows that all too well.

“Like I said, I was just about to start dinner. Would you like to stick around and maybe--”

The moment the Soldier turns his back towards him, Sato runs. He doesn’t think, he doesn’t hesitate, he simply acts, and only runs faster when he hears the stranger call out for him, because he is scared of hands grabbing him and holding him down and pulling him into the darkness-- He runs and runs, towards the room he doesn’t want to call his, and he can feel the fear and desperation cut a deep path in his body and mind, and he hears footsteps follow him, and he sobs and only runs faster, because while he has lost so much when they took his body from him, at least he can still run rather fast. Rounding a corner, he distantly hears JARVIS’ voice, but he can’t listen right now, because he is so close, so close, just a few more steps--

And then he scrambles to a halt again, because he wasn’t listening, and now someone else is coming, from the other side. The archer, and he comes a halt, yawning, blinks and stares at Sato. Right in front of the door he’s trying to reach, and the wolf can’t suppress the whine that escapes his throat.

“Hey, wolf-boy. Finally decided to leave that room of yours?”

But Sato doesn’t hear anything, nothing but the footsteps thundering behind him, and he knows the Soldier will be here any moment, and so he darts to the side and starts running again. And again, someone calls out for him, and then there are two voices, and two pairs of feet running after him, and he whimpers as he skids around the corner and scrambles not to lose his footing, because he misses his paws, and his fur, and his maw full of long, sharp teeth, and he wants to be strong and able to fight back! Doors, so many doors, and he can hear their voices, and he knows the other strangers will hear them, too, and there’s JARVIS, somewhere in the distance, and wants to cry and scream and-- And then there’s yet another door, and he wrenches it open and throws himself inside.

It’s a dark, small room, and he quickly pulls the door closed behind him and cowers into a corner, pressing his back against the cool wall. There’s no way out, he is trapped, and his heart hurts and his lungs do, too, and he presses a hand over his mouth to keep himself from whining and wailing. Instead, he strains his ears and listens to the footsteps coming to a halt right in front of the door, tries to understand what they are saying, as his muscles curl tight and prepare for a fight.

“Sato? Are you alright?”

It’s the Soldier, and Sato feels himself shrink down even further, making himself as small as possible. His voice is gentle, but there’s no way he can trust the simple sound of it. Sato can tell when someone is lying, most of the time, at least, but he can’t concentrate on that now.

“We really didn’t mean to scare you. Do you think you could come out and talk to us for a minute or two?”

No, no, no, he won’t do that, no matter what they say! Those are strangers, and strangers never meant anything good! And Tony- Tony told him to always stay away from the people he doesn’t know, and he must’ve had his reasons to do so! No, the wolf won’t risk everything simply because someone invited him to talk - That has happened before. Sato has learned from his mistakes, and he has paid dearly for making them in the first place. Trusting stranger was the worst mistake he ever made.

“We are a little worried about you, because we think you are not feeling too good. And we’d like to help you. That’s all we want, really.”

Lies, nothing but lies, and it hurts, it hurts so much, because it’s all he wants to hear - But it’s the wrong people, and he can’t trust them! He simply can’t, and so he shakes his head and presses both hands to his ears, because he doesn’t want to listen. It works, in a way. At least now their voices are muffled and he has trouble understanding anything they’re saying. Dimly, he is aware that JARVIS is talking to him, too, but he can’t listen, because his entire body is pounding, and he can feel the urge to get up and move and bite and strike thrum in his muscles and bones. But he is trapped, and he’s so scared, that they will try to break down the door, and he whimpers at the thought of wood splintering and angry strangers dragging him back into the light--

_SATO._

He flinches, but it’s only JARVIS, even if his voice booms loudly in the small room. Shuddering, he pulls his hands from his ears and blinks at the ceiling. No notepad, and no words, either. But the ghost understands, of course he does.

_I know you are scared, but please try to calm down. I am very sorry about how this situation escalated, and I will tell Captain Rogers and Agent Barton to leave the hallway immediately, if that’s what you truly want._

Sato is nodding desperately before the AI has even finished talking, because yes, please! Please make them go away again! He just- He wants them GONE!

_I understand you are terrified, but I must ask you: Is there any way for you to talk to at least one of them? I can assure you that they truly don’t mean you any harm, and I believe it would actually help--_

But Sato is shaking his head again, whimpering as he buries his hands in his hair and tugs sharply, pulls until it hurts, because he is scared and the pain keeps him aware of this moment. After a few more seconds, the AI gives up.

_Alright. I will tell them to evacuate the hallway and give you enough time to return to your room._

The voice quiets, then, and Sato feels alone again, alone in the dark. Luckily, JARVIS starts talking just a moment later, this time on the other side of the door.

_Gentlemen, I must ask you to leave immediately. Your presence is upsetting Sato, and I believe he won’t come out until both of you have left. I must ask you to retreat to your rooms or another floor until further notice._

The strangers still at that, and Sato tenses. JARVIS is kind and friendly, but he is only a ghost, and if they decide not to listen to him, how would he stop them? After a few moments, the Soldier starts to talk again.

“Are you sure that’s the best idea? He looked... Bad, really bad. I think he should see a doctor, actually.”

_While your worry is appreciated, this is none of your concern, Captain Rogers. Sato is currently in no condition to be examined by any doctor. Again, I ask you to evacuate the hallway until he has retreated to his room and has calmed down._

“Look”, the archer speaks up now, “I get that he isn’t thrilled to meet us, but if the way he looked like was any indication, I’d say the kid needs medical attention immediately. And if he doesn’t want to come, we could always--”

_Agent Barton._

And JARVIS- He doesn’t sound kind anymore, all of a sudden, but cold and almost... Dangerous? Sato has never heard him speak like that before.

_While you have been welcomed into Stark Tower and are invited to stay for as long as you wish, I would like to remind you that you are still what could be considered a guest, while Sato has been living here for almost half a year. This is his home, and if you think I would allow you to drag him to a doctor to be poked and prodded, without either of you ever having exchanged more than five words with him beforehand, you are sorely mistaken. So I ask you again to evacuate this hallways and retreat back to your rooms._

Silence follows. Sato listens while holding his breath, shuddering and shaking and thankful to whoever sent him JARVIS as his most trustworthy ally. The strangers remain quiet, until the Soldier sighs a few moments later.

“Alright. We’re gonna leave, and we won’t ask any question. But- Can you find a way to get him some help? I think he really needs that. And if he- If he wants to talk, let us know? We will listen.”

_I will relay your message, Captain Rogers. Thank you for your concern._

And then they leave. Slowly, hesitantly, but they leave. A couple of seconds later, two doors are pulled shut, and Sato slumps against the wall. His muscles are trembling and his breathing sounds ragged, but the relief that floods his system drowns out any thoughts of getting up in the near future. Shaking, he curls into himself and just breathes, shuddering and gasping for breath whenever the fear rises again. It takes a while until he finds back into this moment, and then JARVIS is talking to him again.

_Both Agent Barton and Captain Rogers have retreated back to their respective rooms. You are free to leave this room and go back to your own room if you feel ready._

Sato is anything but ready, but he doesn’t have much time. So he pushes himself onto his shaking legs and stumbles, then rights himself. Listening, he is relieved to hear nothing but silence on the hallway, so he pulls the door open and slips outside again. There’s no one waiting for him as he tumbles through the hallway, and he feels himself crashing before he even reaches the door he is looking for. With trembling hands, he manages to pull it open and more or less falls into the room, and only then allows himself to slump. The way to the bed seems like an eternity, but finally he lets himself fall onto the soft mattress. His eyes are already closed as he struggles to bury himself under a mountain of blankets, shivering in the cold.

Every last bit of strength leaves him, now, and he groans when the fatigue and exhaustion settle over him, weighing him down. Sato knows there is no way for him to avoid sleep anymore, and while he dreads it more than almost anything else, he knows there is no escape. He needs to sleep, and needs to sleep _now_. Once he is buried under his covers again, and warmth slowly but surely makes its way back into his flesh and bones, he lets out a deep sigh and feels himself melt into the bed.

_You can sleep now, Sato. I promise you won’t be disturbed again, and I will watch over you._

The wolf lets out a small whine, and wants to thank JARVIS, wants to tell him how grateful he is for his friendship and care, but sleep is wrapping around his mind and body, and just a few moments later, he is already gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! Not posting everyday still sucks, but I'm working on two more installments at the same time (always a great idea), so at least I'm keeping busy ^^as always, I'd love to know what you think, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> This time: maybe a tiny silver lining? Something good might be around the corner? there might just be reason for some optimism :)
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Sato, you are experiencing a nightmare. You are in Stark Tower, and you are safe. I know you are scared, but there is no reason to be._

He knows all that, somehow. But he also knows that he is chained, once again, and that he is back at Lyngvy, and he can hear those warriors coming closer, and once they reach him, it’ll be over. So he can only growl, open his maw and hack into the fetter, bite and scratch at the chain links until they hopefully give, but they don’t, and he cries out and bites down just a little harder.

_Open your eyes, Sato. You are at Stark Tower, you are in your room, and you are in no danger. It is only a dream._

He knows that, too, but JARVIS is wrong, because it was never a dream, it was always what he woke up to - The chains, the heather, the mist. Now, he only growls as he tears at Gleipnir, and then something gives, and then he tastes fresh blood, and he gags, but bites down harder, still, just to be sure. JARVIS is still talking, but Sato doesn’t listen, spits out blood and scratches and bites some more, until the pain grows bright and sour and pulls him from the darkness. Blinking a few times, he spits some more blood, and then he understands.

Stark Tower, in the bed, buried under the covers. He throws them back, now, and shivers at the cold air, and blinks again. Yes, he knows where he is. He is... Here. No, not home, but he is not chained down on Lyngvy, he is- Far away. In a new, strange world. Taking a few deep breaths, he forces himself to sit up and look around. To listen, for the strangers, but there is no one around. He is alone.

_Do you understand what is happening, Sato?_

There’s JARVIS, of course, and the wolf nods slowly. Yes, he understands. After weeks, months of fear and nightmares, he understands what is happening, if only a few seconds after waking up. What he sees in his sleep is not real, but that is only a small consolation. It _was_ real, after all, and by now he wonders if that’s the real problem. That it _was_ reality, at some point. But he doesn’t know, because he has never thought about these things, and there is no one here to explain. JARVIS would probably try, but Sato has no idea where to even begin, and which questions to ask, and what to even expect. Breathing deeply and slowly, he closes his eyes and tries to calm his racing heart. A dream, nothing more. Just a dream. If only his body understood that, too. And his heart...

_I would advise to go to the bathroom and clean your injuries. A shower would be beneficial to your well being, too, I assume._

Sato lets out a deep sigh, and only then does he dare to look. There’s blood, of course, because he has once again bitten through his flesh. It’s covering most of his arms and hands, along with the deep, bleeding scratches, and he feels wet and nauseous, and it hurts. But this has happened before, too, so he only grumbles lowly as he forces himself to leave the bed and tumbles towards the bathroom.

Showers are strange. He didn’t understand, at first, because wolves don’t need to shower. Sato never took a shower before he came here. He liked to bathe in ice cold rivers and crystal clear lakes, and that was enough, most of the time. His father sometimes tried to bathe him, too, but he usually managed to run away, because he hated the smell of all those oils and soaps and everything else. There are many smells and scents he loves, but those certainly weren’t part of them!

It seems that humans have a different understanding of what smells good and what doesn’t. Sato never minded the smell of sweat and oil that belonged to Tony, because he associated it with the man himself, so it meant home and safety. All the same, he sneezed and coughed whenever Tony doused himself in cologne and he hated most of the shampoos he’d use, because they only covered the man’s natural scent, and that’s what he always loved the most. _Wolves heavily rely on their sense of smell_ , as JARVIS told the human many, many weeks ago, and Sato understands that that’s true by now. He understands his surroundings through smell, sound and touch, mostly, and so he has an aversion to anything that compromises any of the information. All he cares about are true, natural scents and what they tell him about his environment, and everything else makes him sneeze.

Humans... Humans are different. They cover themselves in perfume and cologne and shampoo and deodorant and everything else that makes it impossible for Sato to understand. He hates it, but since he barely has any contact with other humans, he doesn’t mind for now. But JARVIS also told him that he needs to shower regularly, because apparently he _smells_ , in an unpleasant way. So, he had to learn how to shower. And the AI taught him, with a lot of patience, and slowly but surely he learned to first tolerate, and then love it. The hot water makes his tense, cramped muscles uncoil, and the humid air makes it easier to breathe. Some days, he stays under the spray for hours on end, and forgets the world around him with the droplets beating on his head and cool skin. He likes showering, because there he finds the good kind of silence, and he is left alone and can turn off his thoughts, if only for a few hours.

Today, he isn’t looking forward to the shower. Instead, he struggles out of his clothes - two pairs of sweat pants, underwear, a t-shirt, a pullover, a hoodie - and then steps under the water, which JARVIS was kind enough to already turn on. He shudders heavily when the heat touches his skin, but after just a few seconds he feels himself relax and sigh deeply, closing his eyes and letting the water cover his entire body. It stings when the newest cuts and bite marks get soaked, too, but he pushes past the pain and starts to wash the blood and saliva away, because he knows he needs to clean them. His magic is... It’s not gone, not completely, but locked away, sealed by his father, and that makes it hurt all the more. Still there, somewhere deep inside him, but it’s too weak to help his body heal faster, and so injuries like these take days or even weeks to vanish completely, and of course, so much longer when he bites himself open again. Sato can’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t mind the scars, he doesn’t think about them too much, and he is too tired, anyway. Still, he makes sure to keep them clean, because JARVIS tells him to do so, and he doesn’t question it, because he knows the AI will only worry if he ignores his advise.

But he takes his time, washing his entire body with the soap and body wash JARVIS ordered for him - One that doesn’t smell too strongly, one that doesn’t make his skin itch and his nose tickle and his eyes burn. Soon enough, the blood stops flowing, and he takes some more time washing his hair and basking in the warmth and the quiet. It’s good.

After almost an hour, he forces himself to step out and quickly grabs two pre-heated towels and dries himself off hurriedly. The cold feels worse now, and he curses because he has forgotten to bring fresh clothes. He never had to think about things like that, before, because he had his fur, and that was all he needed. Now, he only has thin skin that doesn’t keep him warm at all, so he has to hurry back into the room, quickly gather an armful of clothes, and then hurry back into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door to keep as much heat as possible inside.

_If you leave the worn clothes outside your room, I will see to them getting cleaned and brought back before tomorrow._

Sato nods distractedly as he puts on underwear, another two pairs of sweatpants (thankfully, they come in different sizes, so that isn’t too difficult), t-shirt, two pullovers (because he’s so cold) and another one with a zipper and a wide, comfortable hood. Breathing a sigh of relief, he snuggles into the new clothes and curls his naked toes. Wearing clothes took a lot of getting used to. In the beginning, everything touching his new skin was too much, and the cold did the rest. Now, he’s come to love snuggling down into the soft fabrics, and JARVIS always makes sure to order new things he will like. Another part of what makes him feel good. The only thing he can’t bring himself to wear are socks. Sato is used to feeling the ground under his paws, uses vibrations to guide him, and socks... Socks take away a lot from his surroundings. The wolf doesn’t like it, and so he never bothers to put them on. Which is a shame, because his feet are always cold, and he hates that feeling almost as much as having his feet trapped in fabric.

Once he has warmed up a little bit again, he turns to the sink, and pushes back the three long sleeves. His arms are... Torn. But that’s nothing new, and Sato doesn’t mind too much, so he simply turns on the warm water and cleans the wounds again, washes them thoroughly, and then he applies some cream and bandages it all up. JARVIS guides him through it all, although it’s long since become routine. Sato is grateful, though, because it makes him feel less alone, and it makes the trembling of his hands less notable. He doesn’t mind the injuries, the blood, or the scars all of this will probably leave. But it does bring back terrible memories, the kind that makes him shudder and gag, and so he focuses on JARVIS’ voice and listens, even if he knows what he has to do by now. In the end, he makes sure to smile at the ceiling, and hopes that the ghost understands this, too.

_Captain Rogers has left something for you in front of the door._

Sato freezes when he’s just about to crawl back into bed. Immediately, his ears strain to pick up any suspicious sounds, but there is nothing. Just two voices (the woman and the archer, he thinks, in the kitchen, or the living room), but other than that, it’s quiet. So, the Soldier is already gone again. Sato isn’t sure what do now. This hasn’t happened, not once. No one has ever left anything in front of his door, and that- That worries him.

Reaching for his notepad, he holds up a well-used page up towards the ceiling.

**Safe?**

_Yes, you are safe. The rest of the Avengers is spread throughout either the living space, or other floors of the Tower. No one will notice if you leave your room for a moment or two._

It is tempting, because Sato is still very, _very_ hungry, and he has been thinking about sneaking into the kitchen, anyways, to get some food, and get rid of this painful, empty feeling in his stomach. But also... Sato is curious. He has always been, and it used to drive his father mad. As a pup, he’d always crawl into any nook he’d find, sniff after hissing creatures, jump into rivers he’d never swum in before. Countless times, father had to grab him by the scruff and pull him out of danger, cursing and scolding him for being so reckless. It never really worked, though, and Sato remained curious. He still is, to this very moment, and while he’s mostly scared and nervous, he’s also... Wondering. What the Soldier might have left for him.

After another moment, he slowly starts to move towards the door. There is still no one outside, so maybe- Maybe he should just take a look? Just a quick look, and then he can still slam the door and hide away again. Before he has made a decision, he’s already pressing an ear against the door, listening for any signs of danger. Still, there is nothing, and since JARVIS doesn’t tell him otherwise, he takes another deep breath and slowly, quietly opens the door. No one in the hallway, but there-- He sniffs the air, and then lowers his gaze to the floor.

There’s a small tray right in front of his feet, with a plate on it - A plate with pancakes. That’s where the sweet, delicious smell comes from, along with the glass filled with orange juice. Sato can hear his stomach rumble at the sight of food, and he throws another glance down the hallway. No one there, no one is watching him, no one there to take it away... Before he can think about it too much, he has already grabbed the tray and has withdrawn into the room, quickly shutting the door behind him. Carrying it towards the bed, he finally notices a small piece of paper tucked under the glass of juice. After lowering himself down on the mattress, he sets the tray down and picks up the note.

_I’m sorry we scared you. We didn’t mean to. I hope this serves as an apology._

Slowly, he sets the note back down and frowns at the pancakes. His mouth is already watering, and the urge to devour the food is almost overwhelming. Still, he hesitates, because this- He doesn’t understand any of this! No one has brought him food in long, long time, and this... The solider, he doesn’t know him, he doesn’t trust him! But JARVIS- JARVIS hasn’t warned him, so maybe, maybe it will be alright? And he wants to ask, he wants the AI to tell him if he can--

But he’s already eating, hunger finally winning out, and he shudders when he gets the first taste, because it’s _so good_ , and it’s been _so long_ , and he is _hungry_! JARVIS is talking to him, he can hear his voice, but Sato can’t bring himself to listen, because nothing is more important than this food right now. Groaning and growling he devours his meal, downing the glass of juice in between, and whimpering when the hunger only seems to increase with every single bite, causing him to eat faster and faster and faster, until it’s all gone. Still shaking, he sits back, licking his lips, tasting the sugar and yearning for more. Even though he knows his stomach should be- Not full, but at least fuller than before, he still trembles and feels hunger bite into his guts, demanding more and more and more! But there is no more, he knows, and that knowledge fills him with dread. Sato has spent many years without food before, on Lyngvy, where he was starving, too. But with this new, weak body can’t handle the hunger as well as his other form, and so he feels worse than he did before.

Looking towards the door, he thinks about sneaking into the kitchen in a few hours, and the thought of waiting is painful, almost as painful as the hunger itself. Licking his lips again, he considers asking JARVIS for his advice, when his stomach rolls, and he feels something... Something rise inside of him. He recognizes that feeling, it’s one he won’t ever forget, and he whimpers, because it’s such an ugly sensation, and he hates it with every fiber of his being. Looking around, he wonders where to go, because he knows he doesn’t have much time--

_The bathroom. You can use the toilette._

He is up and darting through the room before JARVIS has finished the second sentence, pressing a hand over his mouth as he hurries into the bathroom. There, he drops to his knees and starts to gag. Thankfully, he has reached the toilette by then, so he doesn’t soil the floor, and instead spews what he has just eaten into the bowl. It’s disgusting, and his muscles cramp and the acid burns his mouth and nose as he claws at the toilette and spits. The AI’s voice gets drowned out by the sounds of his heaving, and he curses himself and his lack of control, he curses his hunger and the food and this whole life as his stomach rolls again and he starts spewing once more. It seems to last forever, and by the end of it he is panting, covered in sweat and trembling all over. Spitting out a few more times, he slowly lets go of the toilet and carefully lowers himself to the ground. He feels exhaustion take over as he curls into a tight ball on the cool tiles. This time, they feel good against his heated skin, and he breathes a sigh of relief when he feels his stomach settle after a few more moments. He will rest now, if only for a few minutes. Then, he will get up and get back to bed. But for now, he will simply close his eyes and rest...

_Sato remembers being sick... Or, not sick, exactly, but rather poisoned. Curiosity..._

_One day, he went after an angry, hissing snake that refused to answer his questions and told him to leave her alone. Of course, Fenrir didn’t listen, because he was young and curious and stupid, and he wanted his answers, and he wanted to play, so he started to pester the snake some more, pawing at her and barking, asking her to play and tell him her secrets. The snake hissed, again and again, and when the wolf didn’t listen, she bit him. He remembers the pain, and the heat that spread through his entire body as he stumbled through the forest, calling out for his father._

_Fenrir managed to get back to the castle, and then he remembers his father cursing and shaking as he gathered him in arms and carried him away. After that, his memory is smudged, and he is almost glad for that. He was scared, and in pain, his leg was throbbing, it felt like there was a sun burning just underneath his skin, making him gasp and groan as he writhed on his father’s bed, begging for relief. Father never left his side, cooling his feverish skin, brushing a shaky hand through his sweat soaked hair, whispering and cooing whenever Fenrir cried out. He threw up then, too, many times, spewing and cramping and crying, because everything hurt, and he remembers cursing the snake and curling up against his father’s chest, sobbing and whining. And his father stayed, until the poison left his body, until the fever broke and he was able to open his eyes again, understanding for the first time in days where he was, and what had happened. And his father held him close and made him promise then and there to always, ALWAYS stay away from any snake he’ll ever encounter._

_So far, he has kept his promise._

When he blinks his eyes open again, he is still lying on the cool tiles of the bathroom. Not a dream, then. Only a memory, and not even a fond one, either. But it comes close to how he feels right now - Sticky, covered in sweat, with a bad taste in his mouth, muscles turned into driftwood. Groaning, he lifts his head and looks around. It doesn’t look like too much time has passed.

_How are you feeling, Sato?_

He shrugs as he forces himself into a seated position. Getting himself back onto both feet is a struggle, but he manages, even if he shakes and trembles and feels too weak to take a single step. It’s yet another feeling he knows all too well, and he has learned to push it aside rather easily. Slowly, he reaches over to flush the toilette, and then he walks towards the sink and turns on the water. Rinsing his mouth out helps, and he even dares to drink a few mouthful of water as well. His stomach grumbles, but it doesn’t protest too much.

_You should take a cup of water with you. You might be dehydrated after throwing up._

Sato does that, too, and then he trudges back to the bed. His feet feel heavy and his head feels light, and after setting the cup back down, he collapses onto the mattress with a groan. Pulling the blankets up and around himself takes a few minutes of struggle, but in the end he is hidden away under a mountain of covers again, and he feels safe and warm. A little better, at least. His stomach has settled, and he hopes it will stay that way, because he already knows he won’t be able to reach the toilette again.

_Sato, I know you are tired, but I need you to tell me if you are in need of medical attention--_

He shakes his head at that, because no- He won’t allow them in here, especially not now! Not when he is weaker than ever before, when it would be so easy to break his neck and throw him away... When the AI stays quiet afterwards, he allows his body to relax further into the mattress, and his eyes to slide shut once again.

Sato dozes for the next hour or two, but he doesn’t stop wondering. At first, he thinks about his father, basks in the memory of being held and shushed, memories from when he was still a tiny pup, when he was easy to cradle, and the way his father would rock him gently until he fell asleep. But then, the memories change, and he sees Tony’s face again - Covered in sweat and grease, as he tells him all about his newest idea, and Sato doesn’t want to see any of that, because it hurts more than the memory of his father, for some strange reason. So, he thinks about other things - Like the Soldier, who brought him food. He still doesn’t understand that, he doesn’t...

Sato doesn’t like the strangers. He doesn’t want them here, but he knows they won’t leave. The Soldier and the archer... They followed him, but they didn’t hurt him - Not yet, at the very least. Still, he wouldn’t trust them to come any closer than they already did, never! Yet, the Soldier brought him food, and he wonders- Because he doesn’t understand, and that’s always worrying. Sato needs to understand what’s happening around him, or else he won’t be able to adapt and survive. He could be killed, simple as that. So, he doesn’t understand the Soldier’s motive. The note talked about being sorry, and an apology, but Sato doesn’t believe that for even a second. People never apologize to him, and they don’t feel sorry for him, and they usually don’t want to help him, either. Yet the Soldier... He talked about that, didn’t he? He said they wanted to help, in which ever way, Sato isn’t sure. There were- The wolf didn’t listen well enough to hear if there were any lies, but he doesn’t think he heard any. Which is... Strange, too, because he’d think those things were lies. Of course, what else would they be? He doubts the Soldier actually wants to help. Why would he? Still, he brought Sato food, warm, good food, and if he hadn’t stupidly gobbled it all down, he would’ve enjoyed it a lot more. Peeking out from under his blankets, he looks over towards the tray still resting at the foot of the bed. There’s that note again, and it seems to be calling out for him. The Soldier- He tried to talk to him, in a way, even if he barely said anything. It’s more than anyone else other than JARVIS “said” to him. It’s- Strange, very strange, and it makes his skin crawl, because he feels like someone managed to invade his space, just with that small note, and at the same time, he feels... Light, in a way. Less detached, because someone noticed him. Someone _knows_ he’s here, and tried to reach him, and that scares him, it really does, and at the same time it feels like a gust of fresh air.

The Soldier hasn’t tried to enter his room, and he has brought him food, and he has tried to apologize. Sato doesn’t understand, and it scares him, terrifies him, even, but he’s- He’s curious, and something about all of this makes him tremble and shake and gasp for breath. And there’s the note again, and he finds himself staring at it, and he wonders what he is supposed to do with any of this.

_If you set the tray outside your door again, I will have someone pick it up in a few minutes, Sato._

JARVIS’ voice startles him, and he shakes off his musings as he reaches over. Pulling the tray closer, he picks up the note again, and stares at it for a few moments. No one has ever written him a note before. And no one has tried to reach him in a long time... Other than the strangers. The Soldier, mostly. Yet he hasn’t broken the door down, and he has left whenever JARVIS told him to do so. He hasn’t threatened Sato, either, and maybe... Maybe he meant it? Shaking the thought off quickly, he still can’t stop wondering. He could pretend nothing ever happened, and he could forget he ever received a note. Sato is good at forgetting, after all. But then again... And finally he makes a decision. Reaching for his notepad, he tears off a single page and grabs his pen, too, carefully writing on it.

**Thank you it was good**

Then, he gets up again, carrying the tray through the room, quietly opening the door and quickly putting the tray on the floor, just where he found it. The moment it touches the ground, he scurries back into the room, pushing the door closed and hurriedly walking back to the bed. He’s shaking again, both from exhaustion and fear, but he forbids himself to think about what he has just done as he crawls under the blankets once again, shutting his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then, he pulls the notepad close again, flipping through the pages until he finds the right one, holding it up towards the ceiling.

**Story?**

_Of course, Sato. Would you like to continue with The Hobbit?_

Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he wants. And so, he snuggles back into his blankets, curling his cold toes and nodding as he reaches for his cup of water and takes a few sips. Thankfully, it stays down, too, and by then JARVIS is already telling the story, and Sato listens and tries his best not to think about the note he sent out into the unknown. He is already scared enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again! Sorry that I haven't been around all that much, suffering through writer's block, which sucks because I'm currently working on five different projects -.- but this installment is already finished, so don't worry!  
> We're working our way up to a bit more... Interaction, I guess? Baby steps, and all that, but steps after all :)
> 
> As always, I'd love to know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

It happens again.

When Sato wakes the next time, JARVIS informs him that the Soldier has once again left food outside of his room. The wolf shudders at that thought, because he was asleep, and there was someone at the door... It makes him wonder how many times it has happened before. He is well aware of the fact that he won’t be able to always be on watch, but still- It’s a scary thought that people can pass by the room, maybe even stand in front of the door, and he won’t notice. It makes him wonder about a night where they finally decide to open the door. He won’t be prepared, then, even if JARVIS manages to wake him up before they enter, he will still be defenseless.

But that hasn’t happened so far. For now, the Soldier has only left some more food. His stomach has calmed over night, so he feels hungry again, even worse than he did the night before. And then he thinks about the warm food again, and he can’t summon the energy to hide away and resist the urge to get up and walk towards the door. Still, he makes sure to listen for about three minutes, straining his ears until he catches a few faint sounds, a couple of floors down. There is someone moving through the hallways, too, but it’s far enough away that he can’t even determine which of the strangers it is. Far enough away to open the door and peek outside.

There is a tray again, with a plate filled with... Soup? It must be soup, and a few pieces of toast, and it smells absolutely wonderful. Sato licks his lips, and then he bends down and picks it up, quickly hurrying back into his room and shutting the door. Careful not to spill anything, he walks over to the bed and sits down with the tray in his lap. Sniffing a couple times, he feels his stomach growl again, fingers trembling as he tries to not make the same mistake a second time. He knows that there is no way for him to leave the food untouched - He is _hungry_! Still, he forces himself to first pick up the toast. He knows toast, and while he never really cared for it, he knows the taste, and it brings back... Memories. Groaning, he quickly devours the three still warm slices, before looking down at the utensils on the tray.

_Have you ever used a spoon before, Sato?_

The wolf nods, slowly, grabbing his notepad and the pen.

**Long ago can barely remember**

_If I could make a suggestion? You could pick up the plate and tilt it, and drink the soup without using the spoon._

Sato does just that, because he is hungry, and he needs to eat, and he is too exhausted to think about what all of this means. The first taste of soup has him groaning - Hot, salty, rich and spicy, the hot liquid washing through his mouth, soothing his parched tongue and sore throat. Trembling, he tilts the plate a bit further, greedily gulping down its contents, shuddering when he feels the soup filling his empty stomach. Wonderful, it tastes so wonderful! All too soon, the food is gone, and he sets the plate down with a quiet sigh. Again, there’s a tall glass of juice, and he downs it without thinking too much about it. Not orange juice, this time, but something else--

_It’s apple juice, I believe. Do you like it?_

He does. Not as much as the orange kind, but he enjoys the softer, fresher taste, and the newness of it all. Licking his lips, he sets it all back down onto the tray and lets out a deep, relieved sigh. It’s better, this time. No sickness, even after he waits for a couple of minutes. His stomach isn’t completely full (not by a long shot, he thinks a little bitterly), but it’s better than before. And he feels a little warmer, if only a bit. It’s wonderful.

_Do you feel any nausea, Sato?_

The wolf shakes his head as he picks up his notepad again.

**No was very good. Feel better now**

He really does. It’s strange, because he knows, in a way, that it’s not just because of the food. It’s more than that. Strange, very strange. He sent a note out, and the Soldier- He still sent him food again. Of course, Sato can’t be sure the stranger actually found the note, let alone read it, but still... Cocking his head, he looks at the tray and frowns. Because there is a note again, with the Soldier’s handwriting on it. Slowly, he reaches out and picks it up, bringing it closer to his face.

_I’m very glad you liked them. JARVIS told me what happened, though, so I hope things go better with this soup. Enjoy!_

_-Steve_

Steve. The Soldier’s name is Steve. Sato knew that, of course. Still, it’s strange to think of him as someone else but the Soldier, so he won’t. Names can be dangerous, too. His own name was his downfall, and his new name- It has a lot of meaning, but it hurts, at the same time. Makes him feel like he is... But no. That’s not something to think about right now. Instead, he needs to focus on the note, and what he will do about it, this time.

_I’m sure Captain Rogers would be very pleased if you let him know that you enjoyed the food._

**Why?**

_He is worried about you. He has asked me about your wellbeing many times by now, and he would very much like to help you. Preparing food is an attempt at helping you._

**Why?**

Sato doesn’t understand, not completely, at least. The note is trembling in his hand, and he is... This is strange. He doesn’t understand, yet feels like he needs to, because understanding is vital to adapting and surviving, which is all he does, these days.

_He knows you are struggling and wishes to make your situation better._

**Why?**

It doesn’t make any sense to him. The Soldier doesn’t know him, they have only seen each other for a few seconds a long time ago, and all the strangers might know about him- The things that the Allfather might have told them...

_I am not sure how to answer your question, Sato. Maybe you should ask Captain Rogers yourself?_

The wolf shakes his head at that. He won’t ask the Soldier, never! Why would JARVIS even--

_You could ask him by writing a note. He read your last one, and he was very happy that you responded that way. I believe it would be a good idea to write another one._

That... He could do that. Maybe. Maybe he should, too. Maybe then he will get an answer. Or maybe not. Maybe getting an answer won’t be what he needs, or even what he wants. What if the Soldier tells him a lie? He won’t know through a note. What if he is only trying to gain his trust, waiting for a moment to strike - And kill him? Sato shudders, pulling the blankets around his shoulders again, curling into himself. He is scared, but he always is, so there is no big difference. Still, he trembles, and the bit of warmth the soup gave him is already gone again.

Can he really do that? Send another note? Is that a good idea? Sato isn’t sure. He knows it’s always dangerous to let the strangers know anything about himself, and sending notes out is... Is letting them in, in a way. It’s the same with receiving and actually reading the notes the Soldier writes, and he knows he should stop. He really, really should. Yet at the same time... There’s something else but hunger gnawing at his insides. At times, it feels worse than hunger, because he knows it so well, and it isn’t his stomach hurting, but his heart and mind. JARVIS talks about the bad effects of isolation, and while he didn’t understand all the ghost said, he feels it, anyway.

Loneliness. This ugly, sharp ache in his chest, and it makes him want to howl and cry for someone to come and hold him. He feels bad, sometimes, because he still has JARVIS, but it’s- It’s not the same, even if he doesn’t know why. Sending that note... He isn’t sure why, but it felt important, and it made him feel just a tiny bit better. Like there was someone noticing him. Like he existed, after all. It’s scary, because some days, he isn’t sure he does anymore. If JARVIS didn’t talk to him, he would probably believe that he has ceased to exist at some point during all of this. Maybe he has. But then, the Soldier has read his notes, and has responded, and the strangers have noticed him, and even if it scares him, it also makes him real. Sato is rather sure he could not make up those strangers residing in the Tower, even during the loneliest nights.

In the end, he writes another note. The letters are shaky, because his hands are trembling, but JARVIS assures him that they are still readable.

**Thank you. It was very good. Never had it before thank you**

  * **Sato**



He signs with his name, even though he’s not sure why. The Soldier knows his name already, and yet- It seems important, so that the Soldier will know that he is acknowledging this... Whatever it is. So, he puts his name under what he has written down, and then quickly puts the tray back onto the floor just outside his door, shutting it without listening for voices or footsteps. Crawling under the covers feels wonderful, too, and once he is snuggled down again, he holds his notepad up to the ceiling.

**Spongebob?**

He learns about bears, that day, because of an episode that makes him laugh, and then he asks about actual bears, and JARVIS tells him. Sato has met... Bears, in a way, but they were bigger than the ones the humans know, and older, and calmer, too. The wolf remembers them, those ancient creatures, and the way they’d move without ever hesitating, about their calm security, and he shudders at the memory of their powerful magic. He used to spend a lot of time following them, and they’d let him, as long as he didn’t bother them too much. These days, he thinks he saw an amused glint in their dark eyes every other time, but he can’t be sure. But they taught him a lot, all four of them, and he remembers them with warmth and calm and confidence flooding his mind. Still, they were different from the kinds of bears that walk in the forests of this world, and he finds that he misses them, greatly. It’s been so long, and he can’t even remember their names, even if they are still ingrained in his mind, along with everything he learned from following them through the woods of a far away world. He knows that he was lucky, to be allowed so close, because they often chased other creatures away, whenever they got impatient and angry. But they let the wolf stay. He never wondered why, back then, but he does now as he watches the smaller, younger bears feast on a deer’s body. He wonders where they are now, although he is rather sure that they still wander through their forest, calm and wise and not caring for anything except their journey.

Next, he asks about foxes, because he remembers those, too. They used to play with each other, the foxes and him. They taught him a lot as well, about keeping his strength in check, because he was so much bigger than them, and they taught him how to navigate the woods, how to hide, how to play tricks, and how to talk to the ghosts and voices living in the tree trunks and the whispering water. He loved the foxes, he really did, and he laughs now as JARVIS shows him videos of them playing in the snow and cackling, and then he grabs his notepad and starts to tell him a few of his own stories. How the foxes managed to even play a trick on his father, making the sorcerer laugh and laugh and laugh. About the times they spent chasing mice through the high grass, and the nights when they chased the winds racing through the realm, how they’d watch the clouds and the stars, and how they’d listen to the voices for hours, the ones in the tree trunks, the rivers, the grass and the earth.

_What were those voice, Sato?_

**Ghosts maybe. I don’t know. They told stories and laughed and hummed and filled our heads and hearts. The foxes followed them but I never dared but they were friendly never hurt us never lied. Maybe still alive maybe souls I don’t know I never asked. And the foxes didn’t care.**

The foxes never cared about much else but having fun and cackling and playing. Sato wishes he could be like that, too. And he wishes the ground wasn’t so cold, and that he could press his ear against the floor and listen to those voices once again. He has tried, of course, but there is no answer but some clicking and whirring. Machines, he believes, or something close to that. Nothing living, though. It only makes him feel more lonely.

**Squirrels?** , he asks next, and then he watches those, and then owls, and then falcons and pigeons and swallows and woodpeckers and eagles, and he learns about all those birds and he wonders what it would be like to fly. Sato never had wings, sadly. His legs were always enough, but now he wonders about that kind of freedom. He wonders if would he leave, if he had wings. Maybe... Maybe he would. He is too scared of walking the streets, but if he had wings, he likes to think that he would open those wide windows and fly away. Still, the back of his mind he knows that- That he would probably stay, anyway. He has to wait, after all. For Tony. For as long as it takes.

Next, he asks about snakes, because he remembered the one that bit him just a few hours ago, and he knows that there are snakes on earth, too. They are fascinating. Precise and dangerous, some. Beautiful, too, and he watches their strong bodies shift and smiles whenever their tongues dart out and they open their mouths, showing their fangs. He learns about their poisons, and that humans have invented antidotes, about the different effects and first aid. Sato does his best to remember it all, and hopes that he will never have to help someone who’s been bitten by a snake (apparently, that doesn’t happen too often in New York, JARVIS reassures him, and the wolf breathes a sigh of relief). He learns that they mostly rely on their sense of hearing, feeling the vibrations of the ground, and he watches them dart forward in a blink of an eyes, burying their fangs in their prey’s body and winding themselves around the struggling animal. He learns about constrictor snakes, and the colorful sea snakes gliding through the ocean water. And when he asks about other venomous animals, the AI opens up a long, long list and readily starts to tell him.

Sato smiles as he looks at pictures of small, colorful frogs, hidden in the rain forests, and relaxes a bit when he realizes that he will be listening for many, many hours to come. It’s good to know, because sleep... Sleep is still difficult. His arms are itching, and he can still smell the blood underneath his finger nails. His skin aches. No, he will stay awake. It’ll be better this way.

Sato listens for a long, long time, and he shudders and almost hopes that he won’t have to leave the safety- Well, the relative safety of the Tower in the near future. At least there are no venomous snakes, frogs, spiders or any other of these creatures he learns about as the sun goes down and goes up again, as the hunger grows and he listens to the strangers, and at some point, he asks JARVIS to pause his teaching as he listens.

Something new happens, that night. Something that hasn’t happened for as long as he has- For all this time. The strangers are on the move. But not in a hurry, it seems. Sato listens, as they move through the hallways, and cowers when the walk past his room, and shudders when the Soldier hesitates for just a few seconds. Then, a voice calls him (the woman), and he is on the move again. Sato waits for a few more seconds because crawling out of the bed, sneaking towards the door, listening. The strangers are gathering in the living room, it seems. They are talking, laughing even, and he frowns because this- This is new. He doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s scary. Still, they don’t sound angry or aggressive, just... Happy. Content. Sato was always good at picking up on emotions and moods. He used to know- No, to _feel_ when his father was upset, even if the sorcerer didn’t ever show it, and he knew when people were angry, and when they were just moments away from spitting rage and reaching for their weapons. But there is no aggression in the living room, and soon enough, they all settle and relax.

_They are watching a movie together._

Sato flinches, then shakes his head as he scurries back to his bed, crawling under the blankets again. His eyes remain on the door, and he wonders. This hasn’t happened before. Of course, he knows that some of the strangers have watched movies, before, but never all of them together. He wonders if that’s something he should worry about. Probably. Sato knows that people used to hunt him in bigger groups. They didn’t dare to challenge him on their own, and his father used to laugh bitterly at that, telling Sato that they were cowards and scared of the giant wolf growling at them. Cowards, he’d call them, and Sato agreed, but at the same time, he could smell their fear and felt guilty for causing it.

If the strangers are growing closer, does that mean-- But no, he can’t be sure. Though he still needs to listen more closely, from now on. Make sure he doesn’t miss a single change, a single clue that things might shift. JARVIS will probably warn him, but it could be too late by then, because the ghost- Sato has a feeling that they are looking at things rather differently. When it comes to this, he will have to rely on his own senses and instincts. That’s alright, though. They haven’t betrayed him before.

_Would you like me to ask them if you could join--_

**No. Amphibians**

There is silence for a moment, but then the AI continues with the fire salamander, and Sato marvels at the bright, yellow spots, and tries to ignore the stranger’s laughter a few rooms over. It makes his skin crawl, yet at the same time, he feels that gentle, desperate tug at his heart, almost pulling him towards the door- Towards the strangers? He isn’t sure, and he won’t let it happen, anyway. So, he learns about fire salamanders, and then the Iberian ribbed newt, and when JARVIS asks him if he wants to move on to the venomous mammals, he nods eagerly.

He wakes up crying at some point. His arms hurt, and it takes him a few moments to understand that his jaws are still locked around his forearm, too blunt teeth digging into the scarred flesh. Unable to let go, because he was so sure of the fetter still clinging to him, and he sobs as he bites down harder. It’s instinct, in a way, but it makes him feel like his mouth, his teeth and jaw aren’t his own, as if someone else is tearing his skin apart.

_Sato, you are having a nightmare. You are in Stark Tower, in your room. You are safe. There is no reason to be afraid._

He growls, for whatever reason, and bites down harder. Blood flows into his mouth, it makes him growl a bit louder, and he tears at the skin. It hurts, but the pain is far, far away, and it can’t really reach his mind. There’s... Mist, again, slithering into his brain through his ears, and he shudders, because he is cold and wet and back on Lyngvy? His fingers tremble as he claws uselessly at the sheets, and then he tries to loosen his jaws.

_Sato, you are hurting yourself. There is no reason to be afraid. You are safe, there are no chains for you to bite through._

And he knows that! In a way. Still, it takes him a long, long time to blink his eyes open, and to finally let go of his own arm. It’s not a good sight, to say the least. He has bitten through and torn apart the bandages he used just a few hours or days ago, leaving his arms bare again. The skin is red and irritated, bitten through, with watery blood flowing onto the bed, and he cringes away. The pain is clearer now, as the mist slowly fades, and JARVIS’ calm, familiar voice filters through.

_Do you understand where you now, Sato? You are in Stark Tower, in your room. There is no danger, you are completely safe, and nobody will try to hurt or imprison you._

Lies, even though JARVIS would never lie to him. There will always be someone ready to chain him to the ground again, and he is sure that they have learned their lesson - The next fetter will be a lot stronger than Gleipnir ever was. A sob tears itself from his lungs, and his curls into himself, clutching at his wounded arms. It’s his worst fear, or one of them.

_Would you like for me to contact Captain Rogers or Doctor Banner--_

Sato shakes his head, because he doesn’t want any of them close. There are people whose presence he is _aching_ for, but none of them are here. Right now, the pain of loneliness he feels is much worse than the sting in his arms and the pounding in his head. Sato has always been that way - Feeling things so strongly, being overwhelmed by his emotions. He never minded, in the past. Back then, he mostly felt love, and joy. Now, he starts to understand the downfall of being... Like this. When he feels nothing but fear and anger and loneliness, it seems to cut deeper than simply feeling it. It’s more like it servers skin and bones and muscle, leaves him gasping and weak and unable to move- But where would he go, anyway? When the urge to run away and hide gets too much, that one question breaks him down, and leaves him numb and trembling.

_Do you think you will be able to get up and go to the bathroom?_

No, he doesn’t. But he gets up, anyway, stumbling into the bathroom, pulling away the ruined bandages as he goes. The lights turn on, and Sato makes a conscious effort to not look into the mirror. The human that looks back might be him, but it’s not, at the same time. A disturbing disparity, especially in moments like this. No, doesn’t want to look into a stranger’s face right now. Instead, he turns on the warm water at the sink and washes the blood away. He hurries through the already experienced steps of cleaning his arms, dries them off, applies some cream and wraps them again. The pain is still there, but he suspects it should be clearer, brighter, and he should care, but he doesn’t. He is too tired to care.

With a sigh, he shuts off the water and trudges back towards the bed. He doesn’t look at the bandages he threw onto the ground, but he makes sure to throw the dirty blanket onto the floor.

_If you leave the blanket outside, I will see to it being cleaned and brought back to you in about two hours._

Sato shrugs, because maybe he will do that. Later, though. He is too tired now. With a sigh, he crawls back onto the bed, and buries himself under a mountain of blankets. The warmth makes him feel a little better. That, and the fact that JARVIS starts talking again.

_Would you like to talk about your nightmare?_

These days, he thinks he’d like to tell the AI. But his hands are shaking, and he is tired, and his thoughts are spinning so fast inside of his head it makes him dizzy. He wouldn’t even know where to start. So, he shakes his head but he does reach around for his notepad, flicking through the pages, until he finds the right one.

**Don’t mind. Thank you. Trust you.**

It’s true, in a way. Sato doesn’t mind the nightmares. It’s nothing more than remembering, in a way. What he truly minds is the loneliness that comes with waking up in the cool, empty room. Sato knows nightmares, and he knows pain, and fear, and he accepts these things, because he can’t really imagine his life without them anymore. And he is grateful for JARVIS’ company, and he does trust him. Sato doesn’t lie, either. He never had to. And he hopes the AI knows that, too.

_I am very glad you have bestowed your trust upon me, Sato. If there is anything I can do to help you or make you feel better, please do no hesitate to tell me._

He thinks about that, for a few moments. Then, he picks up the pen, and writes with a shaky hand.

**Spongebob?**

The episode starts before he even has managed to hold the notepad up towards the ceiling, and he smiles at that. The tears have dried by now, and the pain is drained from his flesh, and he feels warmer. Wrapping the blankets around himself, he curls into a tight ball, peaking out from under his bedding to look at the screen. Spongebob still makes him smile, and even laugh. The little sponge makes him feel less alone, in a way, and he silently thanks whoever created this weird creature, because he feels light and happy, and like life isn’t too dark and hopeless, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't been all that present. It's been hard to find motivation in general, but I'll try to do better!
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day, and I hope you decide to stick around for a little while longer :)
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Captain Rogers has left food in front of your door again. If you collect it now, it will still be warm._

Sato knows, of course. He has listened to the Soldier walking up to the his door, has listened to him hesitating, and then setting down a tray. He can already smell it, and his stomach rumbles. Still, he hesitates. Because this might seem easy, but easy- Easy could be dangerous. Sato still doesn’t know why the Soldier is doing any of this, and the idea of the stranger simply wanting to help him is not something he is keen to rely on.

But he _is_ hungry. And there is food, practically waiting for him, on the other side of the door. And the last two meals were delicious, and there is no one in the hallway right now, and he is _hungry_ , and then he’s already up and walking towards the door. Hunger makes his body weak, but his mind, too. It’s hard to think and devise plans and strategies when your stomach is growling, simple as that. And now, he can barely force himself to listen for any sounds before opening the door. The smell only gets stronger, and his stomach rumbles as he bends down to pick up the tray, carrying it inside, kicking the door shut behind himself. It’s more food, this time around. A bigger plate, piled with steaming rice. He sees different vegetables, and some meat, and he almost whimpers at that, because it makes his teeth tingle and his lips burn with desire. There’s also a few pieces of still warm bread, and a whole bottle of orange juice. It makes his insides twist and his hands tremble terribly. Still, he manages to carry it all back to the bed and lower himself down without spilling anything. This time, he actually grabs the spoon tucked under the plate, before he starts tucking in. The spoon is a blessing, because it slows him down, so he can’t gobble down his food and make himself sick again. Still, he groans and sighs at the firsts tastes, and then closes his eyes when he bites down on the first piece of meat. It makes something inside of his stomach stir, and he growls, pulling his lips back. Instinct, again, and the spoon in his hand trembles heavily as he keeps eating, and he cringes at the pathetic sound of his growling, because it sounds weak and tiny even to his own ears. The food keeps his mind busy, anyway. Licking his lips, he takes a moment to open the bottle and gulps down some of the juice, sighing at the fresh, sweet taste. He devours two slices of warm bread, and then he goes back to the rice and the _meat_. Even grilled like this, it tastes wonderful.

All too soon, Sato has finished the entire tray. This time, his stomach is almost full, and he licks his lips as he stretches. It makes his body ache and burn ever so slightly, and he remembers just how little he has moved over the last few... Months, by now. Usually, his body would be protesting - And it was, in the first couple of days and weeks. Then, he stopped caring about that, too. Still, he feels... Better. A lot better, and no longer all that hungry. Setting the tray aside, he finishes the bottle of juice and then licks his lips a few times before setting it all down on the floor. There’s a note again. Longer, this time, and Sato hesitates for a while before reaching for it.

_I’m very glad you liked it! I hope you like this meal as well. If there’s anything else you’d like to try, you can tell me, and I’ll try to cook it for you. And I will bring you bigger portions in the future._

_-Steve_

The note shakes in his hand, and then he feels tears run down his face. He’s not sure why he is crying, because there is no reason to. There hardly ever is. But here he is, crying and shaking, and there is no explanation why, and he feels... Strange. Like his insides are brittle driftwood, and his head is filled with heather, and he shakes and fears that he will break apart at any moment now. But why? Why is he- Like this? When there’s no reason to be sad, rather a reason to be-- Not happy, no, he is far away from being happy, and he knows that. But he feels... Seen. There is someone out there, a complete stranger, who doesn’t know him, but who is- Seeing him, in a way. Talking to him, through these notes. And now, he-- But why?

Sato grabs his notepad (it’s hard to see through the tears) and a pen, writing his question down.

**Why bigger portions how does he know**

_I told Captain Rogers about your enhanced metabolism. There are some parallels to the Captain’s own enhancement, and he was rather shocked to discover how little you have been eating. Right now, he is in the kitchen preparing another meal for you. He has also asked me about your preferences, and I told him about your affinity for meat._

Sato stares down at his hand, and he- He doesn’t understand, but something squeezes his heart, and he curls into himself, because it hurts! It hurts to know that the Soldier is in the kitchen, preparing a meal for him - Another one, because he has already done so, earlier. And he asked JARVIS, and then... Then he worried, for whatever reason. And then he wrote a note to let Sato know that he’d bring him bigger portions, because- But why? The wolf doesn’t understand, none of this, and it confuses him.

_I believe the Captain wishes to help you. He seems to be a rather compassionate and caring person, and he believes you deserve to be helped. I am certain that if you would voice a preference, he would gladly comply. He has also been happy to receive your notes, and always read them carefully._

It only gets worse with every word JARVIS says, and Sato lets out a whimper. He is still crying, and he is shaking, and he feels like falling apart. He isn’t sure what is even happening, and that scares him, too, and he doesn’t know what to do.

_You appear rather distressed, Sato. Is there something you would like to talk about?_

**Don’t understand**

_What do you not understand?_

Sato points at himself, at the note the Soldier sent him, at the tray and the empty plate and bottle - Everything, really, and that doesn’t help. He is confused, and he is not even sure what to do with himself. It’s _feeling_ again, crushing him. He knows his father struggled with his thoughts, and Sato struggles with his emotions, and the way they make him feel like someone skinned him alive.

_Are you struggling to understand the Captain’s motivations?_

**Why help me why feed me why do I feel so much. It hurts but it’s not sad and not happy and I feel scared and I think he is lying but he is a stranger and I can’t trust them can’t trust anyone why does he care**

It’s a mess, but it’s the same it sounds like in his head, so it’s the best he can do, with shaking hands and a shaking heart. JARVIS can read it, anyway.

_Would you like my personal opinion concerning this whole situation?_

He nods, because the ghost is the only one he can ask, and so far his friend has never given him reason to doubt anything he has ever said. So, he nods, and then listens as tears keep on streaming down his face.

_I believe the other residents are worried about your well being, especially Captain Rogers and Dr. Banner. They have been asking about you frequently, and they would like to meet you, and talk to you. The Captain is providing food as an attempt to lessen your fear and make you feel welcome among them. He has taken the notes you sent him as a sign of reaching out, and he seems eager to improve your situation in the only way he currently knows you will accept._

_But why?_ , Sato wants to ask, _why would he even care?_

He knows his father cared. That was a simple fact - That his father loved him, even if no one else did, because he was... Different. His father loved him, and he has never doubted it, not a single time in his entire life. He didn’t understand why, but he didn’t question it. And he knows that Tony... Cared. It hurts to think about it, but it’s the truth. He knows the human cared for him - Nursed him back to health, fed and comforted him, so he cared. But then, he left--

The tears flow a little faster again, and he angrily wipes a hand over his hot face, because why would he cry when there’s no reason to? Taking a shuddering breath, he looks down at the small note again, reading it a few more times. By then, JARVIS starts talking again.

_I also believe that you are struggling after almost three months of isolation, and are in desperate need of social interaction and help - Both physical as well as mental. You have learned not to trust any strangers, which comes as no surprise considering your traumatic past. At the same time, you crave human contact, and are overwhelmed with the care and concern offered to you by Captain Rogers._

The AI grows quiet for a while, and Sato tries to process all that has been said. It’s true, even if he doesn’t _understand_ , he _feels_ , and that was always his truth. So, it’s the truth, and it makes sense, in some way. But what is he supposed to do about it? How is he supposed to--

_I understand that you are scared of almost everything. You have found yourself in a rather terrifying situation, and you are trying to cope to the best of your abilities. But your health is rapidly deteriorating, and I strongly advise you to try and overcome your fears and the implemented believes that keep you locked in this room._

JARVIS is always honest, and Sato is grateful for that. He doesn’t like lies of any kind. And he knows that this is true, too. He needs- He knows staying in this room makes him sick, that he is fading away, and he feels the effects the short amount of time he has spent like this with every breath he takes.

_I understand you are afraid to be hurt again, Sato. But I promise that I won’t allow anyone to hurt you. I will watch over you, and I will interfere the moment you feel uncomfortable. I will not betray your trust._

**I know. Still scared. Burned into my skin carved into my bones. The fear. Instinct I think maybe. Hard to break.**

_It surely is. But I am afraid you will only end up hurting yourself even worse than you already have, if you continues this way._

**I know but I’m scared. I don’t know them and they are strong I am weak so weak so weak. Human. I don’t like it. I feel trapped I want home I want father I want**

He breaks off after that, shaking. He’s still crying, trying his hardest to suppress the sobs jumping in his throat, and he feels so, so weak and helpless, because he can’t run from this, and he can’t fight it, and there is no one to tell, and no one to hold onto. He is alone, in a away. And it hurts.

_I will not ask you to confront all of your fears at once. But do you think it would be possible for you to allow someone to get a little closer?_

**How**

_I would suggest keeping up trading notes with Captain Rogers. Maybe you could try and establish a conversation that way, providing a bit more information about yourself. I am certain he would like to get to know you._

**Yes?**

_He has told me himself a few times already. I would also ask you to think about maybe meeting the Captain, or anyone you’d feel comfortable with, in the near future. It would of course happen on your terms, and you would be given complete control over how the meeting is realized._

**I don’t know scared confused**

_I understand that you are. Do you think you could keep on writing notes and maybe think about meeting Captain Rogers in person?_

**I think**

_Then I won’t ask any more of you._

**Thank you. Trust you. Want to get better. Scared but I’ll try. Watch over me**

_I will, Sato. But no one will try to hurt you, I promise you. They only want to help you._

It sounds like a lie, but Sato knows it’s not. JARVIS doesn’t lie, not to him, at least. But the fear isn’t so easily quenched, and he is still shaking and crying silently. He is scared, too, and confused, and he wonders if there is a way to make it all stop, if only for a few moments, a few hours, so that he can rest, and dream, and maybe find a solution.

But time moves on, and he can’t rest, and he has to move and think and act. So, he reads the note one last time, and then he reaches for his notepad and pen, and starts to think. Sato wants to write another note, and he wants to send it, and he wants to Soldier to read it, and he- He wants to receive one, in return. It’s strange, it really is. But the worst part is figuring out what he wants to say. He starts off with the same things he has already said before.

**Thank you. It was very good.**

That part is easy enough. But then, things get complicated, because Sato... Sato doesn’t know how to talk to people. Because he never had to. With his father, it was different. Father always understood, without words, or with very few, and it was the same the other way around. Sato remembers his uncle being confused when father barely said a word in the wolf’s presence, because he couldn’t imagine them communicating without a single word being spoken. But they always knew what the other was thinking and feeling with nothing more than a look. Sato has spent time in this body before as well. He _knows_ he can talk, but he never really did, because why would he? As a wolf, things were so much easier, because with words, there’s always the potential for lies. So, he preferred to stay silent. Which is a problem, now. Because he doesn’t know what to write. Because he never had to talk, especially not with people he didn’t know.

With Tony, it was the same. He was a wolf, so he stayed silent - To the man’s ears, at least, until he figured it out. Then, things got easier, but still... Tony talked to him, and Sato got to know him, and he likes to think that the human got to know him in return. There was no need for words. Until now.

**How do you talk to people?**

_In general, or in this specific situation?_

**Here now**

_I believe you do not have to worry too much. Captain Rogers will be happy to receive another note from you. Think about what you want him to know, and write it down. He will understand, and if there is anything unclear, I will explain it to him. With your permission, of course._

That sounds... Easy enough. Sato thinks that’s something he can do. Biting his lip, he thinks about what he wants to Soldier to know. Obviously, he can’t tell the stranger everything, and he won’t do that. But there are some things he wants to say, and maybe he can do that, after all. It takes him a little while to decide on what he wants to say, but in the end, the result isn’t too bad.

**Thank you. It was very good. I am no longer hungry. Thank you for cooking and thinking and asking. JARVIS said you listened thank you. Please don’t come too close I feel trapped. I am scared but I want to try.**

**-Sato**

It doesn’t sound the way he wants it to, but it sounds the way it does in his head, so it won’t be a lie, after all. In the end, he folds it up and carefully tucks under the empty plate. Then, he gathers up the tray and slowly walks towards the door.

_Captain Rogers is still in the kitchen, and there is no one else in your immediate vicinity. You are free to open the door without being interrupted._

The wolf does just that, and breathes a sigh of relief when he is back on the bed, safe- Or as safe as he will ever be. Though he has barely moved, he feels drained again, as if he never went to sleep. Exhaustion is his shadow behind these walls, and he wishes to just shake it off and feel the strength he once called his own again. Sato remembers being strong and persevering, but there’s not much left in him. He fears that he won’t ever be... Himself again. He hasn’t been for a long, long time, and some days he wonders if he ever was, to begin with. But that question makes him feel like staring down a deep, quiet lake, thoughts getting lost in the slick, black water, forgetting anything but his reflection and the tiny waves his fingers create on the smooth surface. So, he doesn’t think too much about it. He has a feeling he won’t find an answer, anyway.

**The shrews?**

_Of course, Sato._

He spends the rest of the day in bed, learning about the different kinds of shrews, because it turns out they are venomous, too, and he finds that absolutely fascinating. He smiles at their tiny noses twitching, and he’d like to brush a finger over their fuzzy backs, and he hopes that one day, he will get to do things like that, one day... And then he asks about rabbits, because he knows those, or something like them, at least, and he has hunted them before. So he watches them run across the fields, and he learns about their thumping and their families and he smiles and wonders if he will ever be able to break one of their necks again. Possibly, when instincts take over. But when he looks at their younglings, sees them cleaning each other and watches them nibble on grass, he feels doubt.

Next, he asks about mice, field mice, to be specific, and then he listens to JARVIS and watches the videos the AI provides, and he wonders once again.

There are questions he wants to ask the friendly ghost, questions he is desperate to have answers to, but is too scared to answer. He wonders about family again, and about being alone. He wonders about isolation, and about cages. Sato wants to ask JARVIS about cages here, on earth, about what the humans call prisons, and how people end up there, but he is too scared of what he will learn. He wants to ask about animals, about wolves being locked away here, too, but he fears what he will learn about those even more. There are answers, he knows, and he knows that he needs them, in a way, because he feels the restlessness gnaw at his bones, but at the same time he is blissfully unaware.

He wonders about Tony, too. Where he is. Why he left... That’s what he thinks about most. And it brings him back to those locked up, and it makes him wonder if-- But then again, he is not so different. He is locked away, in a sense. Sato knows he is not allowed to leave, even if he wanted to, even if he dared to. He is stuck, and they would come after him, drag him back, and chain him down. But no, they’d hand him over - To the man with only one eye, clothed in black leather, and he shudders at that thought. Or worse - They will send him back to Asgard, and he will be killed there. Odin is a cruel king, after all, and he would probably be happy to hang the giant wolf’s head over his throne.

He wonders if Tony will ever come back. He thinks he will, of course, because JARVIS- Well, JARVIS hasn’t said so, but he hasn’t told Sato otherwise, either. He likes to believe that the AI would tell him if his waiting was futile, because... Hopefully, the ghost would never be that cruel. Cages, he often thinks about cages and prisons and chains, and thinks about Gleipnir and this room he spends his time in, and he thinks about leaving and he wonders about being trapped. He wonders about the cave Tony told him about, and why this room feels so different compared to the lab he crashed into, and the room the man built for him under the Tower. He wants to be there, he wants- He wants to sneak into the lab and curl up on the blankets he used to sleep on not too long ago, but most of all, he wants Tony to be there as well, and he wants the man to laugh and card a hand through his fur and tell him about the stars. And now, he also wants to add to those stories, because he has a notepad, and he remembers everything his father told him about their stars, and he’d love to see Tony’s reactions.

Sato doesn’t dare to think about his father. It’s been a while since he last saw him, and he wonders about what the dreams showed him. Still, he is scared of sleep, even if it is the only connection they have left. He wonders, of course, he worries, but he never allows himself to do that for too long. Knowing the Allfather, chances are he won’t ever see his father again, and that thought is too dreadful to bear for more than a few heartbeats. So, he dreads falling asleep, but he also aches for it - For the chance to see his father again, even chained to the burned ground. But no, he doesn’t dare to think too much about it, because it makes the world go dark even during the daytime, when the sun streams in through the wide windows, and the light is so warm and bright that he can almost taste it on his tongue.

It’s been a long time since he last tasted sunshine. Or rain, or a thunderstorm, or anything, really. He lives in a bubble, of sorts. And it makes him feel detached, from this world he barely knows. And sad, because he loved to lie in the rain, to chase the thunderstorms raging outside the palace. Back when he still had his fur, because now- Now he’d only shiver and curse, he imagines. Still, he wishes for a gust of air.

He gets interrupted by footsteps in the hallways. His muscles tenses, and his body gets ready - To hide, to fight, to survive. But he doesn’t immediately back away, doesn’t slip from the bed and cower behind it. Instead, he listens. It’s the Soldier, he recognizes his gait. Sure, confident, strength behind every single step. Sato frowns, and then cocks his head when the footsteps stop right in front of the door. There’s hesitation, and then some clatter. Probably because the Soldier is picking up the tray Sato left - And then sets down another one. If he was still a wolf, his ears would twitch. One moment passes, two, three, four. There’s the scraping of a pen on paper, and the wolf realizes that the Soldier is writing a new note, and that thought excites him, almost. Then, the solider turns, and slowly walks away. Sato listens, and frowns when he hears a second pair of feet walk by, catching up with the Soldier. There are voices, but they’re too far away for him to understand what they are saying. No anger, though, and that soothes his fear a little bit, at least. After they’ve exchanged a few sentences, they both walk away. The Soldier and the Beast - The doctor, as JARVIS said. The Beast that didn’t knock down his door, even if he was right there, just a few feet away. Sato shivers in the cool air as he cowers down and tries not to think too much about that. Instead, he listens for the retreating footsteps, and once he is sure they both have left, he slowly slides out of bed and starts walking towards the door once again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry,I forgot to post yesterday! Here's the chapter, though, and I'll try to stick to the schedule from now on ^^"  
> Please let me know what you think, if you enjoyed it, whatever went through your head while reading it, it would be greatly appreciated! :)
> 
> (Also: Yay for some more progress :D)
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_I’m glad you are no longer hungry, Sato! We will keep our distance until you feel ready, but please don’t hesitate to tell us if there is anything to make this easier for you. I will listen to anything you want to tell me, I promise. Trying is all any of us can do, and I know how hard it can be. So, thank you for trying._

_-Steve_

Things change after that. It happens gradually, and even though Sato does his best to not miss anything in the process, some days he blinks and something has shifted again, and he feels dizzy with all those thoughts and changes and the confusion about what is happening.

Most changes are... Good. The Soldier brings him food, every day, and almost always three times a day (not that he can be sure, of course. Time passes, and Sato watches on, watches the sun and the moon and the stars, but he forgets what it means. JARVIS tries to remind him, but it drips from his ears and dries in the blankets). Still, he gets food, warm, delicious food that fills his stomach and leaves him rumbling happily. It tastes wonderful, and he gets used to the feeling of being full again. Sated, and without the hunger gnawing at this stomach every waking moment. The Soldier never knocks on the door, never tries to open it, and Sato is grateful for that, because he knows that he would panic and growl and bite if anyone came close to him. Still, he knows whenever the Soldier is in front of the door, and he listens to him collecting one tray and setting down another one, before quietly leaving again. His heart still pounds almost painfully against his ribs, but he can feel it getting less painful every other day. And the time he lets pass after the footsteps taper off gets a little shorter almost every day, too. Sometimes he wonders if he is getting careless. Maybe he is. It’s a scary thought, yet he can’t bring himself to shake and tremble in fear quite as much anymore.

The food is simply wonderful. The Soldier brings him big servings of different kinds. Sato tries many different kinds of soup, and he likes all of them, their warmth soothing his constantly sore throat. He tries salads, though he finds he doesn’t really like those (and they also don’t fill his stomach quite as well), but he finds that he likes rice in many variations, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, paprika, peas, onions, beans - He likes vegetables, some more, some less, or maybe it’s the hunger that drives everything down his throat, Sato doesn’t care. He enjoys it all, without thinking too much about it. Noodles, too, though spaghetti take a while to get used to - He spends almost an hour cursing and grumbling trying to use spoon and fork the correct way, and by then the serving has gone cold. The Soldier brings him bread, too, warm and fresh, covered in jam, butter, or whatever else he wants the wolf to try, sometimes toast (which Sato devours without a seconds glance), bread filled with sauces and vegetables and covered in cheese, and one day a croissant, which makes Sato hum happily as he slowly chews the sweet, soft dough. For the first time since he came here, he also starts eating fruit - Apples, oranges, bananas, pears, cherries, strawberries, raspberries, pineapple, kiwi, blueberries, mango. He likes those, too.

**Never had banana before but very good. Soft, sweet, I like it. Blueberries, too. Sweet and sour. Thank you. Do you like them, too? What foods do you like?**

**-Sato**

He has started to ask questions, too. Questions that JARVIS could probably easily answer, yet Sato... The answer is not the most important part. But the Soldier has started to tell him things - Small, almost insignificant details about himself, and Sato is not sure why, but he wants to know more. Some days he can convince himself that he only cares because maybe, just maybe it will give him an advantage, but most days he knows that he is simply curious, for whatever reason.

_I’ve never heard banana before, either. We grew up rather poor, and back in my days, we didn’t have things like that. I like it, too. And I prefer easy food. Sandwiches, pancakes, the things that I’m used to. My mum used to make a really great stew whenever she could manage. I’ll try to cook it for tomorrow!_

_-Steve_

No, there is no advantage to be gained, only knowledge. Still, he reads the notes carefully and does his best to remember. And he makes a point not to ask JARVIS about stew, because he wants to try it out for himself. The next day, the Soldier leaves a big bowl filled with still steaming stew in front of his door. Sato discovers that it’s an amazing dish, groaning and sighing as he slowly spoons bite after bite into his mouth. It fills his stomach, makes him feel warm and sleepy and sated as he looks out the wide window, watching the sun go down over the city skyline.

**Thank you it was very very good. Very warm and makes me feel heavy but in a good way. Where did you grow up? Another world, too? Where is your mother? And I like pancakes, too.** ~~**And** **pizza.**~~ **I like chocolate, too. Do you know chocolate? Do you like it?**

**-Sato**

He gets answers to almost every single questions he asks, and sometimes, the Soldier asks him questions, too. The wolf hesitates, and he doesn’t answer all of them. But neither does the Soldier, so he doesn’t feel too worried about the things he keeps quiet about. The questions about food are easy, and he likes answering those, because the Soldier always listens, and brings him what he now knows the wolf likes. After one note, Sato finds a piece of chocolate cake in front of the door, and that is one of his favorite days. He hums happily for almost two hours, licking his lips and sighing wistfully, and makes sure to let the Soldier know just how much he enjoyed the treat. The hunger is mostly gone, and he is grateful, so very grateful for no longer shaking and trembling whenever he has to cross the room. Sato can feel his strength slowly returning, limited as it may be in this body. It’s definitely better than it was during the last few weeks and months.

_I was born and raised in New York, and when I was old enough, I joined the army to fight in the war. Things changed, after that. Maybe I can tell you about it one day. It’s a long story, too long for a note like this._

_JARVIS told me you watch a lot of TV. What kind of shows do you like to watch? I have never watched any TV, and now I wonder where to start. Is there anything you’d recommend?_

_-Steve_

**I watch documentaries. About animals and plants and forests and mushrooms and oceans and deserts and clouds and poison. And Spongebob, too he makes me smile and I like the songs. I know a few movies but I don’t watch too many. Balto. Toy Story.**

**-Sato**

JARVIS later tells him that the Soldier spends that night watching one of his favorite documentaries, one about the deep, deep sea. Sato smiles, though is not all that sure why, and feels something warm inside his chest. He ends up watching the same documentary, too, and he wonders if the Soldier likes the same part he does best. If the human sways from side to side with the jellyfish, too, if he shudders when the great white shark swims towards the camera, if he smiles at the penguins. He wonders, and he almost asks JARVIS to tell him. He doesn’t, because he feels that would be too close, too much. The next day, he takes about an hour to write down the names of all the documentaries he has watched over the last few weeks, and tucks it under the empty plate. As he waits for the Soldier to walk by again, he wonders why the man doesn’t ask JARVIS. Maybe he doesn’t for the same reason that Sato doesn’t ask JARVIS about the Soldier’s past.

_Thank you very much for the list, Sato! I really liked the first documentary, I’ll watch another tonight, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy them, too. There was no TV when I grew up, we passed our time differently. I also like to read, and I still do that. There are so many books now, I’m not sure where to begin. Do you like to read, too?_

_-Steve_

That question hurts, just a little bit. A small sting just under his chest, under his ribs, like someone pushed a needle through his skin and muscle, all the way into his spine. He flinches and curls into himself, and there are memories, too, so many of them. Back when he was tiny, just a small pup, curled up in his father’s lap, listening as he dozed, and the sorcerer would spend hours in the library, reading quietly, his smooth, warm, familiar voice washing over Sato, coaxing him into deeper sleep. Yes, he remembers, and it hurts. A bitter sweet ache that makes him forget time, and for a moment he almost thinks he is back, in the golden palace, in the library, listening to the story his father got lost in that day. Then, he blinks his eyes open again, and he remembers reality. It hurts even worse than the memory did.

**I don’t read. JARVIS tells me stories. He reads books to me The Hobbit and later The Lord Of The Rings maybe. I like Bilbo and the dwarves and middle earth. I like their world and their age and their thoughts and fates. Wonder how it will end. But I don’t read there are no books in this room. I like when JARVIS reads to me. What are your favorite books?**

**-Sato**

The next time he opens the door, there is a tray filled with food again, but this time, there’s a book, too. The wolf frowns as he pick sit up and looks at the cover. _The Fellowship Of The Ring_. It’s a worn book, with a bent back, pages slightly torn and dog eared, and he cocks his head to the side. Still, he picks up the tray and carries it all into the room, setting it down on the bed carefully. There, he slowly opens the book and hums when a small note slips out.

_I’ve always loved Tolkien’s work. The Hobbit is one of my favorite books, too. I wanted to give you the opportunity to read for yourself, if you ever want to. I only recently learned that there was whole other trilogy written, and I’ve been reading those books ever since. Maybe you can tell me what you think about The Fellowship, one day? I’d love to hear what you liked most about it!_

_-Steve_

It’s the Soldier’s book, he knows. It’s worn, and he can tell that it’s been read a few times already, a well-loved story that has brought someone a lot of joy. And now, he has decided to give it to Sato. The wolf hums again, and he feels warm, even though he doesn’t understand what exactly he feels in this very moment. He can’t remember when he was last given something. Of course, his father gave him quite a few gifts over the centuries, but this- This is somehow different. It’s not his father, this time, but rather a stranger who has no reason to trust him, after all. Still, he has decided to give it to Sato - One of his favorite books, because he thinks that maybe Sato would like to read it himself. Something shifts inside him, he can tell, but he is still not sure what exactly is happening. It feels... Good, though. Strange, a little unfamiliar after all this time - But still good. Sato likes that feeling.

He still spends most of his time listening to JARVIS, asking questions, and learning. Even after the months he has already spent here, he still feels... Alien. A stranger in this world, unwelcome and at the same time unknown. There are things he knows, now, things that make him perk up with interest, things that make him wonder and ask and smile, too. Because there is beauty, in this unfamiliar world. Different from what he knows, but still. He watches the videos JARVIS provides for him, and listens to the AI’s voice, and he points at the details that leave him with more questions than answers, and he greedily absorbs everything the ghost is able to tell him.

Sato learns about bats, and the concept of echo, and he can’t quite believe how efficient those hunters are. He sees their caves, their prey, and learns about the idea of vampires. Vampires... He asks a lot about those, too, and JARVIS opens a whole library full of stories and myths and movies and fantasies. Creatures that have existed in many different times and cultures, instilling fear in the hearts of humans, and he looks at pictures and paintings and posters alike, and he chuckles at how different they all look. The vampires are interesting, and they lead him down a long, long path, filled with the strangest creatures. He learns about witches, and can’t help but think that he might have met something coming close to that idea, he learns about ghouls and trolls and shape shifters - And those spark his interest, because he knows about them! Of course, the ones he has met are rather different, but the idea might just be the same. He tells JARVIS, and when the AI has a few questions about them, Sato picks up his notepad and pen, and starts answering them. To his surprise, they spend the next five hours talking, and he is even more surprised when it’s him explaining this time, telling JARVIS all that he knows about shape shifters, and even though it takes him a little longer than he’d like to scribble all of his answers down, he still manages to explain almost everything that comes to his mind.

The werewolves are another interesting topic - Because he can see himself in them, partly. Sato listens to the stories, and then he looks at many, many pictures and drawings, and he wonders if he is a werewolf himself. Maybe, in the human world. But is he even half man? Probably not. He is Sato, or- Fenrir, if he dares to remember. His father never told him anything else, and his mother... She never cared. She was a wolf, after all, and that’s all that mattered. And so, Fenrir never wondered about that, either. He was a wolf, and sometimes a boy, when his father hid him in his room, behind the palace walls, but most of his time he spent on all fours, covered in fur, strong and confident and full of curiosity. Maybe it matters now. Does it, though? Does it matter what he is - Wolf or man or shifter or werewolf? There is no one who would care, after all. And Fenrir only knows how to be himself, a wolf, and no one else. No one ever... But no, that’s not true. There were people who cared, if only because it gave them a reason to hate and fear him. So maybe it does matter, after all. Still, he isn’t sure. He is only himself.

**Thank you for the book. I will read it myself even if I like JARVIS’ voice. Silence hurts sometimes because my ears ring and I remember** **the island** **. But I like JARVIS’ voice and I like listening to stories. Did anyone ever read to you? Did you like it?**

**Thank you for the food today it made me happy. Thank you for cooking and caring. I’m grateful. Words are difficult, but I care and I want to thank you. I can’t talk very well and writing is hard too but I hope you understand and know. I feel like someone sees me and that matters and I want you to know that, too. Difficult to explain. But you see me and you care and I am grateful for that.**

**-Sato**

He isn’t sure sometimes, why he says the things he says. Often he will start to write a note, and once he is done he realizes just how much he has told the Soldier. A worrying tendency, and yet he can never bring himself to tear the note apart and start a new one. He sends them out into the world, and he feels his heart tremble whenever he hears the Soldier gather the tray and the note, and whenever he sends one of those, it takes a while to get a reply. JARVIS tells him one day that whenever the Soldier receives one of those, he takes a lot longer to write an answer, and that- He isn’t sure what to think about that.

_I’m really glad you liked it! And yes, there were two people who’d read to me, especially when I was sick. My mother and my best friend. They both liked Tolkien, too, and I loved it when they’d read to me._

_I’m very glad we are talking like this, too. I know it can be difficult to express yourself, and words aren’t my strong suit, either. But I’m trying, and so are you, and that’s all that matters. We all see you, Sato, and we all care. I hope that one day we’ll be able to meet in person, and talk like this while we are in the same room. Until then, I hope you enjoy a nice story or documentary. I’ll be watching a program about lions._

_-Steve_

Sato once again ends up watching the same documentary, and he cries silently, for some reason. JARVIS asks if he is alright, and he nods, because he is. Strangely enough, he isn’t sad, or angry, or desperate. Just... He feels something twist and squirm inside of his chest, and it presses against his brain and throat and makes it grow tight and hot. The AI asks a few more times, but he only shrugs and watches the lion cubs being born, watches them grow up, watches as they learn how to hunt and become strong, fierce predators. He has never seen a lion before, so he make sure to pay attention and remember everything, or as much as he is able to. The cubs make him smile, and the hunt makes his skin grow warm and his legs tremble and ache. Still, he stays buried under a pile of blankets, chewing on a corner as his eyes burn and tears run down his cheeks. He wishes he would understand what he is feeling right now, his head and heart filled with loud voices and hot, pulsing feelings that make him flinch and groan. Feeling is difficult, too. Sometimes.

And he thinks about that note, and he wonders if it will ever be possible for him to leave this room, to wander through the hallways and end up in the living room - If he will ever be able to meet the Soldier in the kitchen, or the living room, and tell him what he has been saying in his notes. Well, he wouldn’t be able to talk, he’d have to take his notepad with him. He wonders if he will ever be able to sit next to the Soldier and look him in the eye and not feel terror and desperation, helpless and small and weak. Probably not. Sato knows the fear, and he can feel it sitting deep inside of his bones, scratching at his muscles and brain. This fear has been with him for a long, long time, and he doubts it will ever leave him, no matter how much longer he stays in this room. Then again... Maybe he will dare to leave this room, one day. And maybe, just maybe, he will one day be able to meet the Soldier, if only for a few minutes, and maybe-- But no. Sato doesn’t dare to think about it too much. It scares him, too. Still, he listens closely when the Soldier walks up to the door once again, and he only allows his eyes to slip close once his footsteps fade after a few more moments.

_It’s dark, and cold. Sato’s body shudders, and he feels the biting chill drawl under his skin, driving its claws into his flesh, making him slow and stupid. Blinking, he lifts his head and stares into the darkness, but even his eyes can’t see anything, other than the snowflakes and the endless white desert stretching out in front of him. A snowstorm, ripping at his fur and making him stumble with every step that he takes. It’s a cold he has never known before, even during the days they spent in the snow. It’s angry and dark and snickers in his ears as he trembles and whimpers. He feels it tear at his flesh and dig into his muscles, and he wonders where he is, where he is supposed to go, and if he might just die out here, in the endless snow and ice._

_When he lifts his head again, he freezes. Because he is not alone, there is someone else stumbling through the snow, far, far away, just the smallest black silhouette on the horizon. Sato whines, then barks, but the figure doesn’t stop, doesn’t turn, but keeps stumbling off into the darkness. The wolf whines again, and then he starts to run - Or move faster, because that’s all he can manage. The snow reaches his chest, and makes it almost impossible to move. A few steps later, and he is panting, and then he feels his legs starting to tremble from exhaustion, and the snow keeps on falling, thick, heavy flakes sinking into his fur, weighing him down, pulling him towards the ground he barely feels under his ice cold paws. But there is someone else out there, he knows, and he also knows that he has to reach that person! So he pushes on, barking and whining, calling out for whoever might be out there, as he struggles through the darkness. Another step, just one more, and another, another another and another, and the figure comes closer, and- And then he’s gone, just gone! Sato cries out, pushes himself forward, because he needs to find him, needs to find him now, and then he stumbles, falls, and when he opens his eyes again, he cries out in terror._

_There his father lies, covered in ice and snow, skin white and lips blue, green eyes staring at nothing. Dead, frozen to death, and Sato shudders, then cries out again, loud and desperate, feeling his voice break and his heart constrict, because his father is dead, and he is too late, and he his gone, FATHER IS GONE!!!_

His own screams wake him up, in the end, and he screams for a few more moments before it tapers off into exhausted sobs and whimpers. JARVIS is talking to him, he knows, but he can’t bring himself to listen as he curls into a tight ball and cries and shakes. His skin feels tight, so tight that he is scared to move even an inch for fear that it’ll break and he will spill onto the mattress, bleeding out. Whimpering, he allows his mouth to open and close around his wrist, and while JARVIS is talking to him, loudly, urgently, he doesn’t listen. Instead, he bites down, careful at first, then harder, until the pain is clear and bright in his mind, and then even harder, until the skin breaks under his teeth and blood flows into his mouth. The taste wakes him up, and then he bites harder, even as JARVIS’ voice grows yet a little louder, and he thinks he can hear the worry, but he can’t listen, can’t concentrate, really, and so he squeezes his eyes shut and starts to tear at his skin again.

_Sato, can you hear me?_

He nods, slowly blinking his eyes open, finally pulling his teeth from his arm. His wrists ache, and he can taste blood on his tongue, on his lips and teeth, and he feels awful. Still, he struggles upright and rubs a hand over his wet eyes, and then he doesn’t bother to ask, to say anything. There is nothing to be said, anyway. He knows what happened, and he knows it was only a dream. At the same time he knows that his father is locked away in a cell in Asgard. Sato isn’t sure what to think, anymore, because his grief seems endless, and he feels like staring out at the black ocean, back at Tony’s home, when it was night, and the man had fallen asleep on the sofa.

Sato is crying again by the time he forces himself onto his feet, stumbling through the dark room, into the bathroom. JARVIS has already turned on the lights, so he doesn’t hesitate before turning on the water at the sink, and then proceeds to wash away the blood. His skin is irritated and torn, bandages ruined once again, and he tears them apart and throws them to the ground. The wounds still haven’t healed, and they probably never will, considering the frequency of the nightmares, and how often he ends up tearing them open again. At least he is slowly getting used to the pain, hardly even flinching now as he scrubs the tender flesh clean and then hastily dries off. Hands still shaking, he applies some cream and wraps it all up in clean bandages. And then he is... Still. The world around him is, too. And Sato is staring into the sink, watches the red colored water disappear in the drain, and feels his thoughts starting to drift again. It’s a dangerous thing, and he knows it’s been happening more and more lately. It worries him, when he manages to catch himself. On other days, he blinks back into reality after what seems like hours, and is too tired, too empty and smudged to even care. And he’s crying again, even though there is no reason to, because- It wasn’t real. He knows that. Just a nightmare, nothing more, and that should make things easier. Memories... Memories cut a lot deeper than what his own imagination comes up with, but still, he feels shaken to the core. His father is far, far away, in a cell in Asgard, and he might be in pain and lonely and desperate as well, but he has not frozen to death in an endless field of snow and ice.

_Would you like to talk about your nightmare, Sato?_

He shakes his head. How would he talk, anyway? The notepad... It would take too long, and he is tired, and even if he were to write down all of his thoughts, he highly doubts it would make things better. After all, it was nothing but a nightmare, so why should it even matter? His father would still be gone, and he’d still be alone. Things never change through talking alone. Or maybe that’s just the way he experiences things, considering that words were never his strong suit.

Shaking himself, he finally manages to push away from the sink and stumbles back into the other room. Walking briskly, he quickly crawls under the mountain of blankets again and sighs when the warmth seeps into his cool skin. He is safe again. Or at least he is hidden away and no longer in plain sight, which has always made him breathe easier. Sato remembers hiding away in the forest, and the joy and wonder he felt when traveling folk failed to see him - Even if he was no more than a few feet away from them. But people often seemed to be blind. Taking a few deep breaths, he wills his frantic heart to calm down, and tries to think... He tries not to worry, he tries to think about warm, happy memories, and he tries to feel joy and happiness, and not think about the fear and loneliness clawing at his chest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I missed day again. Life's a bit difficult right now, I'm lacking both energy and focus. Here we are, though.  
> I'd appreciate comments and kudos as always, since I love hearing what people think of my work :)
> 
> Motto for this chapter: two steps forward, three steps back... One big step forward...?
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Sato. You haven’t responded to the last three of Captain Rogers’ notes. You also haven’t collected any of today’s meals._

JARVIS sounds concerned. Sato feels bad about that, he really does. Still, he can’t do much more than merely shrug. It wasn’t a question, after all, so maybe he wasn’t meant to give an answer, anyway. He’d prefer it this way, actually. With a small sigh, he curls into an even tighter ball, and pulls the blankets just a little further over his head. He feels tired, even though he hasn’t left the bed in a few days by now. That’s the reason why he hasn’t collected any of the food the Soldier left for him, either. He was simply too... Exhausted? He isn’t sure. He has never felt like this before. It’s worse than being tired, it feels like his bones are made out of lead, and his head is filled with cold, wet stones clacking against one another every time he moves.

_Sato, I am rather worried about your wellbeing. You are displaying several symptoms of depression. I believe you need help in the form of professional--_

But Sato is already shaking his head. Carefully, of course, because his head has been pounding for a few hours now. His eyes are burning, his throat is parched, and his skin itches. His heart is also beating rather fast, for some strange reason, even if he hasn’t moved in a while. He feels...Bad, really bad, and he’d cry about it, if he still had any emotion left. He no longer feels all that much, which is- Strange, and worrying, but he is too _tired_. And all he wants to do is stay in bed, under his blankets, feeling at least warm, and with no bright light bothering his over-sensitive eyes. And it’s quiet, too, because JARVIS has left him alone for a few- Hours? Days? He isn’t sure. He doesn’t care, either.

_You have lost a significant amount of weight over the last few days. You have barely left the bed and have not asked to watch any more documentaries, nor have you asked about any new topics. I worry about you, Sato. Can you tell me what is wrong?_

How would he ever tell the friendly ghost? He knows that JARVIS cares, that he listens, and wants to help him however he is able to. But he truly wonders how he should make anyone understand what he feels, if he himself is not all that sure. It’s like a black hole has opened in his chest, and is now sucking away everything from his head and heart. He hates it, hates it so much, and he wants it to end. Feeling nothing... He used to wish for that, some days, during the darkest moments. Now that it’s happening, he is afraid. Because he has never felt like this, and the emptiness leaves behind an eerie feeling of having lost something, though he doesn’t know what exactly.

Things were going- Not well, but better. He was receiving food and notes on a daily basis. The Soldier continued to cook and bring him a tray three times a day. Some days, when he was too busy and didn’t have the time, he made sure to order something from a restaurant nearby (and he’d always ask JARVIS if that was alright with Sato beforehand). No, Sato hasn’t gone hungry in almost a whole month, now. And he hasn’t missed a single note the Soldier sent with the food, and has always made sure to respond. The notes got longer, too, and though he has made sure to never say too much, he has come to find that he... Likes it. He likes talking to the Soldier this way, he really does. It made him feel _seen_ and somehow _accepted_. Things he hasn’t felt in a while. He was still watching documentaries, and some movies now, too, and he still laughed at Spongebob. JARVIS still answered a lot of his questions, and he kept on learning.

And then things changed. He suspects that they did slowly, but he didn’t notice. He was too busy being- Not happy, not content, but less sad. Less lonely. And he still isn’t sure what happened, but now here he is, and he feels drained by simply breathing, and he wants to sleep, but he can’t do that, because his mind won’t let him rest. And JARVIS won’t let him, either.

Sato wonders if he is sick. He feels sick, in a way. Then again, he knows that there is nothing wrong with his body, but rather his mind. His thoughts are decaying before they are fully formed, and they poison his body and make him weak. Too weak to leave the bed, too weak to think about what is happening right now for much longer than a few seconds at the time. Then, he falls back into a sort of stupor, and spends a few more hours drifting, until JARVIS calls his name again. Blinking a few times, he wonders why he isn’t crying. But this doesn’t feel like sadness. It feels infinitely worse. It feels _infinite_ , and like it will swallow him whole, any moment now.

_Sato, can you hear me?_

Yes, he can, and he makes sure to nod, even if the AI probably can’t see under the mountain of blankets he has buried himself under.

_Sato, I am very worried about you. Do you think you would agree to talk to--_

But he is already shaking his head again, because no. No, he won’t talk to anyone. Other than JARVIS, of course, and the Soldier, in some way. But no more strangers, he can’t bear it. The fear is still hiding in between the quiet, content moments he has managed to create with JARVIS’s (and some days Spongebob’s) help. He still fears the other residents of the towers, he still hides under the covers when anyone but the Soldier walks by, and still trembles whenever he hears their voices too close to this room. That hasn’t changed. So, he won’t talk to anyone else. And who would JARVIS call for help, anyway? Who would know how to fix... All of this?

_Would you at least like to talk to me? Maybe I would be able to help you in some way?_

Sato lets out a sigh and reaches out of his blankets. The cool air makes him hiss and goosebumps rise on his arm as he pads the mattress, until he finally grips his notepad. He isn’t sure where the pen went, but he won’t need it, anyway. Flicking through the pages, he pushes his hand out again once he has found the right word.

**Tired.**

It’s the one he has used most often during the last few days. He imagines JARVIS doesn’t like that word all that much by now, but he can’t change that, either. Same as JARVIS won’t be able to fix any of this mess, in any way. Despite what the AI might believe, Sato knows very well what he needs in order to get better. He needs his father to come back. He needs Tony to come back. He needs to get rid of the fear chewing at his bones, and he needs those strangers to leave him alone. That’s all he needs in order to get better. But JARVIS can’t make any of this happen. No one can.

_I understand you are tired, but I cannot allow you to continue this way. Given your already alarming weight loss and mental state, I strongly advise you to seek help as soon as possible. Otherwise, you will continue to--_

Sato is no longer listening. He is drifting again, eyes sliding closed, even though he knows he won’t be able to fall asleep, anyway. He tries to think about better times, and he mostly succeeds. He thinks about his father, about the days they spent dozing in the sun, and the nights they spent wide awake, staring into the night sky, his father telling tales of far away worlds. His mind makes those memories blur - Sometime it’s his father talking, sometimes it’s Tony, and he knows it’s not good to think like that. Still, he doesn’t bother to correct the images, and instead chooses to bask in the warmth he feels when remembering those stories, and their voices and smiles. As long as it gives him comfort, he won’t mind being just a little confused.

There’s a knock on his door. That’s what wakes him, sometime later. He has to blink a few times, and even then there seems to be a glaze over his eyes. Then, another knock. There’s fear, there always is. But it’s a little further away than it used to be, and even though his heart starts to pound and his blood starts to boil in his veins, Sato watches all of this from a place far away. Yes, he is afraid. Because the stranger out there might break down the door, and come inside- And break his neck, if he doesn’t... Do something. Get up, maybe? Get ready to fight? But why should he fight? He is too weak, anyway, and all of the strangers are so much stronger than he is.

“Sato? Can you hear me?”

It’s the Soldier. His heart jumps, just a little bit, and he feels something- Warmth? But why? Before he can try to understand, the feeling has vanished again. Still, he blinks a few times and listens.

“You haven’t taken any of the food today. Or yesterday. I’m a little worried about you. Are you alright?”

No. Sato is not alright. He knows that by now. He hasn’t been alright for a long time, he thinks, but that’s something else he tries not to ponder too much. But no, he is not alright. He stays silent, wondering how he would explain that to the Soldier, if he was willing to do so.

“Are you feeling sick? Is that why you haven’t eaten anything?”

Yes, he feels sick. He has been sick, too, a few times. Just another reason why he decided to stop eating. Now, he also thinks it might be part of the reason why he feels the way he does, and again, he wonders if it would change anything if he started eating once again. Not that it will happen. He is still too tired to get up and walk towards the door, close as it may seem.

“Could you just answer me if you can hear me? Make some sort of noise?”

Sato stays quiet, even as he feels a small, strange little tug at his heart. Towards the door, towards the Soldier. Must be a sign that he is getting desperate. There is no reason for him to trust the Soldier with more than a few short notes. So why should he feel that tug, then?

He listens to the Soldier taking a few deep breaths, and wants him to leave. To go away, to forget this room even exists, along with Sato, because he doesn’t want anyone coming any closer. Sato wants to be _alone_. And he certainly doesn’t want the Soldier to stand in front of his door.

“JARVIS? Is he... Okay?”

_I am afraid there is nothing to be done about Sato’s current condition, Captain Rogers._

“So, he isn’t okay? Does he need any help?”

_I believe so. But so far, he has denied talking to any sort of professional, and hasn’t engaged in any conversation. He has lost an alarming amount of weight over the last few days, and I fear his mental health is deteriorating as well._

“Is he sick? I could call Bruce, I’m sure he’d come--”

_While your concern is appreciated, I’m afraid it is not an exclusively physical problem Sato is dealing with. He has been displaying symptoms of a depressive episode for a while, and by now he seems to have reached his breaking point._

JARVIS sounds... Different. Less cool and calm, and rather worried. It makes something in Sato’s chest clench painfully, because he doesn’t want to be the reason for concern bothering the AI. He wants to be whole and happy, too, but he doesn’t know how to do so. And he is so, so tired, and scared of leaving his pile of blankets, because the world out there is cold and cruel. It’s a dangerous place to be in on the best of days, let alone in this condition.

“We gotta help him.”

_I have tried, Captain Rogers, but Sato is still deeply afraid of anyone besides myself. I am not sure forcing any sort of treatment would be the best choice right now. It could set him back in numerous ways, and destroy any sort of trust he has build up over the last few months._

“But we can’t just let him waste away!”

_Yes, I agree. But I’m hesitant to take drastic measures just yet. I have promised Sato to protect him, and if he deems this promise broken, I am not sure I will ever regain his trust._

“Do you think he’d talk to me?”

JARVIS hesitates at that, and Sato imagines that he is thinking about his answer. He wonders if the AI is getting restless, too, if he is desperate for answers, and a way to change all of this. Sato also wonders about what the AI told the Soldier, but only for a few moments. Then, his eyes slip closed again.

_Fenrir loved to hunt. He loved to chase his prey, and he loved snapping at the deer’s ankles. Burying his teeth in the strong muscles and tearing them apart, teeth itching and blood singing as he felt his prey call out desperately. The taste of fresh blood and how it made his heart beat so much faster... How the wind would run by his side, whispering into his ear, telling him all about the passing herds, and when to slow his pace, because it would be a longer chase, and he’d better save his energy. And he remembers the howls of the other wolves, their panting breaths as they travelled through the herd, in search of its weakest link, always watching, always ready to strike..._

_Fenrir was good at hunting, too. He wasn’t the strongest wolf, but one of the fastest. Young and persevering, he’d be the one chasing after the chosen creature, snapping at its ankles as they raced through the fields and the forest, hot breath brushing against wet fur, teeth ready and itching with the urge to just BITE and TEAR and FEED! Instinct used to take over, and then another wolf would jump their prey, and they’d howl and celebrate, and then tear the fresh flesh apart. Nothing ever tasted as wonderful as that meat._

“He doesn’t have to leave his room. I could just- Stay here. If he’s ready to talk, it’d be enough to just open the door and talk like that. Through notes, if he still has trouble speaking. Or I could call Bruce. I know that it’d probably scare him, but Bruce is a good man, and he has a lot of experience talking to people who are somewhat- Traumatized. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

_I disagree, Captain Rogers. Sato has explicitly denied any offer of interaction so far, and I am rather sure he wouldn’t appreciate anyone entering his room. If he is made to feel unsafe, I believe he would try to fight and probably escape._

“I know you’re right. It’s just- It doesn’t sound good, none of this! Is there really nothing any of us can do for him? We can’t just let him suffer like this.”

Sato scoffs at that. He isn’t suffering, not really. He has everything he needs - Food and shelter, he isn’t cold, and he isn’t hurt - Except for the wounds he inflicted himself, but he isn’t sure if those count, and even if they do, it’s nothing more than a few scratches. Yes, he is terrified, and he is lonely, disgustingly lonely, and that hurts, but it’s something else, too. No, he isn’t suffering. Or does the Soldier not know about an island far out on the shallow ocean, hidden away in the mist?

_Again, you concern is appreciated, Captain. I will talk to Sato again, and hopefully convince him to ideally seek help, or at least agree to a conversation with you. Now, I must ask you to leave again, as your presence is still upsetting to Sato right now._

“Sure, sure. Just, let me know if there’s anything I can do? Or, if anything changes?”

_I will make sure to let you know about any changes._

“Thanks, JARVIS. Hope you feel better soon, Sato.”

And then, he leaves again. The wolf feels a sense of relief flood through him - Along with a strange sense of loss. It’s confusing, and he has to press his jaws closed to not let a small whine escape his throat. Then, the moment passes, and the emptiness return. Sato breathes out a quiet sigh and allows himself to relax into the mattress. And there he stays, for lack of energy and motivation to do anything else but rest and dream himself far away.

_Fenrir loved the foxes. They’d always be laughing, always cackling and busy chasing each other’s tail. He watched them for many hours, and then, one day, they invited him to play with them. Fenrir was unsure, at first. Shy, maybe, because he had never- He had never had friends, before. The other children were afraid of him, and even if they were not, their parents would drag them away before they could begin any game._

_The foxes were different. They weren’t afraid of him, quite the opposite. They’d tackle him, bite his tail and ears and snap at his face if he took too long to chase after them. The foxes were always careless, and they taught him a lot. Fenrir likes to think they taught him how to be fast and smart and cunning, how to sneak up on smaller prey and catch them in a moment’s notice. Some nights they’d chase the storm over the fields and try to bite the clouds, cackling at the breeze and barking at the stars. Fenrir learned how to play with them, because he had to hold back his strength, and they angered quickly if he played too rough, biting his snout and hissing at him. Yes, Fenrir learned fast, and they never held a grudge for longer than a few minutes. They were... Strange, but very likable. He remembers them, fondly._

_And the voices, oh, they knew a lot about the voices. He remembers those, too, and he wishes he could listen to them again. He remembers wandering through the woods, and simply listening. Remembers their alien noises, and how they’d make his hackles rise, how they’d cloud his thoughts and lead him deeper and deeper into the forest, into the darkness and the quiet, and he remembers following them, gladly._

“Still nothing?”

“No. I haven’t even heard a single sound from inside.”

“And how long have you been here for?”

“About eight hours, I guess? Just wanted to make sure to be here when he wakes up.”

“You should take a break, then.”

“Probably, but I don’t--”

“I’ll stay here. Just long enough for you to shower and get something to eat. And I’ll come get you the moment anything changes. I’m sure JARVIS would do the same.”

_Of course, Doctor Banner._

“Go get something to eat, Steve. I won’t leave.”

“Okay... Thanks, Bruce. I’ll see you in a bit.”

_Mother taught him how to be a wolf. Father tried to same when it came to being an Aesir, but Mother was more successful. Fenrir always wanted to be nothing more than a wolf, and he flourished under the she-wolf’s care and guidance. He was a good student, always eager and willing to learn and push his boundaries. She taught him how to howl along with his brethren, and he remembers that wonderful feeling of BELONGING whenever they sang their songs. She taught him how to fight, too, and throughout the years, he never once managed to defeat her, not even a single time. It made him better, though, and he could feel his muscles grow stronger with each lesson. And the nights under the stars, pressed against the other pack members, fur brushing against fur, warmed even when the icy winds whipped through the wilderness. He was safe, then. Safe and protected and loved, and for the first time in all his life, he felt like he belonged, without a single doubt. They were the same, him and the other wolves, and he would have liked to stay with them, at least some of the time. He would have liked to keep feeling like he belonged._

_And then those monsters came, and there are no more wolves left._

He wakes up with a small gasp, flinching from the sounds he still remembers so clearly- Their cries of pain, those anger filled screams, the sound of metal piercing through flesh, and then he gags when he remembers the thick, copper smell of blood, rotting away and drenching the field they’d been resting in.

“Still nothing?”

“No, he still hasn’t woken up, I think.”

“Could always break the door down.”

“No, Barton. We won’t do that.”

“Shame. Might be the only chance to save that kid.”

“I don’t think so. And I agree with JARVIS to some extend: He doesn’t need any more trauma. I’m gonna wait for him, as long as it’s still safe to leave him be. Maybe he will reach out.”

“Sure hope so. Would be a shame to have him die just because nobody wanted to upset him.”

The footsteps retreat a moment later, and the Soldier’s back slumps against the door. Sato listens, from somewhere far away. His heart is pounding, and the sound of howling, screaming wolves is still ringing in his ears. The Soldier is closer than he has ever been before, pressing against the door. Not much is separating them, now. Sato knows he should feel scared, but he doesn’t. He feels tired again. With yet another sigh, he snuggles into his blankets and dozes off again.

_Fenrir remembers his uncle, too. Big, loud, golden Thor. He used to laugh a lot, and was never afraid of the tiny pup Fenrir was back then - Or of the giant wolf he grew into, over the years. He was the one who’d wrestle with Fenrir on the field just outside the golden palace, while his father watched them, with a content smile on his face._

_Fenrir was so grateful to have a playmate who didn’t need him to hold back. He enjoyed using his entire strength, charging with his entire being, and was never afraid to push against the blond god’s chest, trying to push him to the ground and win. He won, sometimes, more often as the years passed, and his father would laugh whenever his uncle fell into the dirt. Thor was very different from father. Louder, happier, in a way, and never thought too much before he started talking. He was a good man, though, and always seemed to be full of joy and excitement. Fenrir remembers wishing for his father to learn that from his brother, one day. Father always thought a lot, and Fenrir knew that the sorcerer’s mind could turn into a dark place for various reasons. Still, the wolf always managed to cheer his father up, if only by pressing close and nipping at his hands, whining and trying to chase away any thoughts that might make his father sad. It worked, most days. And on the days it didn’t work, Fenrir simply stayed close, making sure father knew that he wasn’t alone, and wouldn’t ever be again._

_SATO._

He jerks awake at JARVIS’s loud voice ringing in his ears. Blinking a few times, he huffs a breath and growls lowly. He doesn’t like being woken this way. He doesn’t want to be awake to begin with. These days, he prefers to drift. And JARVIS just ruined that.

_You need to wake up. Please look at the ceiling if you can hear me._

For a moment, he thinks about staying still, acting as if he is asleep. He doesn’t, in the end, because he has no reason the be angry at JARVIS - Other than being woken up just now, of course. Sighing, he throws back the pile of blankets, and shudders when the cool air hits his skin. It’s cold, really, really cold, and he shivers as he pulls the blankets up to his nose again, looking at the ceiling with a frown.

_Thank you. I am afraid I can no longer allow you to continue this way. Your weight loss has reached a point where intervention is no longer an option, but rather a necessity. Your mental health has deteriorated as well, and I believe your condition has worsened much more than I previously calculated in a shorter amount of time than I anticipated._

Sato is already shaking his head, but this time JARVIS doesn’t stop talking. This time he continues, and Sato feels dread curl in his stomach as he listens to the AI.

_I have offered you various forms of intervention on numerous occasions, which you have declined just as many times. While I would have preferred to help you without any pressure, I’m afraid we have exhausted the time window we could have spent waiting and making adjustments. You need help now, and if you choose to decline again, I will be forced to intervene regardless of your agreement._

Sato shudders, and he feels the fear creep back into his spine. Shaking, he cowers back into the cushions, as goosebumps rise on his entire body, and his heart starts to pound. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening! Because this is JARVIS, and JARVIS promised to always protect him, to keep the strangers away, to never let them hurt him, so why- Why is he doing this? Why is he betraying him now, when he is at his weakest? Why would he be so cruel?

_I know that you are scared, but I promise you: Everyone, including Captain Rogers and myself, only want to help you. If you are willing to take a single step into our direction, we would be able to make you feel better._

Sato is shaking his head, even as his mind grows heavy and empty. Fear, fear is always a twisted ally, because it makes you strong and desperate, but also stupid and useless. Right now, he doesn’t feel strong, but rather useless. And yet JARVIS continues, talking and talking, and Sato feels himself break into tiny pieces with every new word.

_I do not wish to force you, and I do not wish to scare you even more. If you are willing to compromise, I’d recommend talking to Captain Rogers for just a few minutes. I am rather sure social interaction would improve your condition almost immediately. Would you be willing to do that?_

Sato is still shaking his head, pulling the blanket up to his nose. He wants to hide away, he wants to be just _gone_ and not have to listen to JARVIS, who seems to have turned against him, too. The fear has crawled into his head by now, and he can feel it pushing against the back of his eyes. He wonders if they will explode if the AI keeps on talking like that.

_I want to help you, Sato. But we have reached a point where it has become about saving your life. You will continue to wither away unless you agree to take certain steps, one of them being seeking either professional help, or agreeing to a meeting with the Captain at the very least._

It doesn’t sound like a lie, and Sato is rather sure that JARVIS wouldn’t lie to him, anyway. Maybe believing that in the first place was a mistake. Maybe now it’s time to pay for his naiveté. Sato knows a thing or two about paying for being naive and believing what people tell him. He has already paid, he doesn’t want to pay again.

With a low whine, he reaches for his notepad, and thankfully finds his pen under one of the blankets. His hand shakes terribly as he scribbles down a question.

**What if I say no?**

JARVIS hesitates, and Sato feels as though a big heavy stone settles in his stomach. He has learned to read silence, too, and he can tell that the AI doesn’t like what he is about answer, either. It doesn’t make it better when he finally hears it.

_If you continue this way, there will come a point when I willl have to call for professional help, be it medical or psychological. I would then ask Captain Rogers to break down the door, and you would most likely be evacuated to an intensive care unit. There, a number of--_

**No.**

_I am afraid there is no other way, Sato. I am asking you to cooperate, but if you decide against it, your health will continue to deteriorate. If you do not agree now, it is only a matter of time before I will be forced to take action regardless of your agreement._

His ears are ringing again. His heart is pounding against his ribs, and he is sweating, shaking, and he wants to cry. He wants to scream, too, and throw things, and tell JARVIS how much it hurts to be betrayed this way. How difficult it is to trust, and how he hates being proven wrong. But he stays silent as he stares at the ceiling and hopes this is all just a bad, bad dream. He doesn’t wake up, though, and that makes him shake even harder.

But he knows he is trapped, one way or another. He can’t stay in here. It’s making him sick. And he can’t leave the Tower, either, because then he will be locked away forever. Sato knows that JARVIS only wants to help, but that doesn’t make the bitter taste on his tongue disappear. Yes, he feels trapped, and he now understands that you don’t always need chains and fetters to tie someone down. Those poisonous thoughts seem to be more than enough.

He falls asleep at some point, and he wishes he didn’t. His dreams have gotten a lot worse over the last few weeks. Before, there were stories, his own worst fears, twisted and smudged, but he usually understood those. Now, they are so much worse- Disturbing, because it’s often nothing more but darkness, with screaming faces jumping at him, snouts snapping at his skin, gleaming eyes chasing him as he runs, always runs, but never moves forward. He is always stuck, trapped and helpless when they come for him, when their teeth dig into his flesh and tear him apart. Sato screams, he always screams and cries and begs for mercy, but no one ever listens. No one ever comes. He is alone, alone in the darkness, and when he sobs and cries and calls out for his father, the maws tell him that his father has been executed, his body frown into the abyss, as is common for filthy traitors with no honor.

And Sato wants to tell them that he doesn’t understand, because his father is no traitor, and what do they know about father, anyway? He wants to push back, wants to bear his own teeth (as useless as they might be in this form) and snap back, and he wishes for his claws and strength, and he wants to fight! But he doesn’t. All he can do is cry and weep and hope that it will be over soon enough, so that he won’t have to listen to the sounds his flesh makes when it’s pulled off the bones...

He comes to with a gasp, and the taste of blood on his lips, his tongue, in his throat. His entire body is shaking, and he feels the nausea rise in his stomach as he blinks his eyes open. The Tower, he is still in the Tower. His skin feels too tight and his muscles are itching. Heart stumbling in his chest, he reflexively clenches his jaws, and hisses when he bites down on his own flesh.

_Sato, you are experiencing a nightmare. You are in Stark Tower. You are safe. There is no reason to be afraid. Whatever you saw, it is not real._

And he knows, he knows all of that. But it doesn’t help, and he bites down just a little harder. Pain shoots through his arm, and yet he bites down harder once again, growls, and tears at the sensitive skin just a little more. Pain, bright and hot, and he shudders and bites down again. JARVIS is still talking to him, but he doesn’t listen, because the pain makes the dark images fade away, and brings him closer to reality with every single bite. Blood starts to flow just a little easier, and while it makes him gag when it hits his tongue, it makes his teeth itch for more, too.

Time passes. He isn’t sure how much. Minutes, maybe hours. JARVIS keeps on talking for a while, but gives up at some point. Then, it’s quiet again, the only sounds being his own pathetic growling, and the occasional rustling of fabric when his feet twitch under the bedding. Finally, he feels his heart slow down, and his breathing calms just a bit as well. Taking a few deep breaths, he forces himself to open his mouth, and slowly pulls his forearm away. Licking his lips, he blinks his eyes open, but makes sure not to look down at his mangled flesh. It’s an image he doesn’t need right now. Looking towards the windows, he frowns, because it’s dark. Again, or still? He could ask the AI, but then again, he doesn’t really care. The smell of blood is still clogging up his nose, and it makes him gag and shake, and he can feel those images crawl back into his line of vision. He’s still shaking, and he doesn’t feel all that real, like he is somehow stuck between dream and reality. Both feel like a nightmare, and he shakes his head a couple of times to clear his mind. It doesn’t work. Instead, the harsh movement makes his head pound again, and his breath is catching in his throat, making him gasp for air. Suddenly, his skin feels ready to burst, his muscles are cramping, and he wants- He wants to run, to run far, far away, but at the same time he is stuck, and feels like he weighs as much as the entire universe. Gagging again, and then a jolt moves through his entire body, and then he’s out of the bed and walking through the room. JARVIS is still talking, but Sato can’t bring himself to listen. He feels on edge, ready to strike and scream and fight, and his body is shaking so hard he can barely stay upright, and he feels so dirty and disgusting, and he wants- He wants a shower.

The thought is almost bizarre, but all of a sudden he is yearning for hot, hot water, and the sound of the countless droplets hitting his skin and the tiles. He points towards the shower, and thankfully JARVIS understands and turns on the water. Then, he quickly starts shedding his clothes. Most of them are drenched in sweat, anyway, and then he starts shaking even worse when the cold air hits his naked skin.

When he steps under the spray, his first reaction is to recoil from the heat and the subsequent pain. Still, he forces himself to step under just a little further, bowing his head and breathing deeply as the scalding water washes over his tight, cold skin. Closing his eyes, he reaches a shaky hand towards one of the tile walls, and starts writing on the cool surface.

**Story?**

Before he has even pulled his hand back, JARVIS is already continuing with _The Hobbit_ , and Sato breathes a sigh of relief. With closed eyes, and slightly less fear, he allows his head to hang low, and simply _breathes_.

Some time later, he is back on the bed. His wounds have been cleaned, and have been wrapped up again (even though JARVIS told him that some of the bites would require stitches. Sato only growled at that idea). Dressed again, in fresh clothes, while his feet are still bare. Yet he hasn’t crawled back under the covers. Instead, he is sitting on the edge of mattress, staring at the door. It’s been quiet, and he can’t hear anyone outside. Which is good. It means there is no one out there waiting for him, even if-- But no, he isn’t sure. Reaching a hand up towards his mouth, he starts to chew on one of the sleeves, because he needs to keep his teeth busy. Because he is thinking dangerous thoughts, and those scare him, too. Still, he can’t stop them, either, and that’s- He isn’t sure what to make of them just yet.

_Is there anything you’d like to--_

Sato shakes his head, letting out a deep sigh. He knows he can’t stay in here. He knows that while JARVIS gave him time, the AI won’t allow him to wait forever. And even if he did- Sato knows all too well that he is withering away. He can feel his own body and mind rotting with each day that passes, and it’s a disgusting feeling. Looking over his shoulder, he sees his notepad and pen resting on one of the pillows, and reaches for them. Then, he slowly pushes himself to his feet and starts to walk towards the door. JARVIS keeps quiet, and Sato is glad for that. With a shaking hand, he reaches for the door, and slowly, ever so slowly pulls it open. The hallway opens up right in front of him, and he almost slams the door shut again right away. Taking a deep breath, he focuses on his ears, and listens.

No footsteps to be heard. No strangers moving through the hallways. Which is good, because if they were close, he would’ve retreated back into the room. But there is no one around. Except... Listening for another second, he hears some sounds coming from the direction of the living room. Nothing too loud, just breathing, a slow heartbeat, and the rustling of- Pages? Maybe. Sato isn’t sure. With a glance towards the ceiling, he nods towards those sounds.

_Captain Rogers is currently residing in the living room. Would you like me to--_

Sato shakes his head, because no. He doesn’t want the Soldier to know just yet. Especially since he isn’t sure what will happen in just a few moments, so he’d prefer to have the element of surprise. Taking another deep breath, he clenches his jaw and then starts to slowly walk towards the living room - And thereby towards the Soldier.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo, managed to post on time! I've been working on a few new ideas and two different installments, so yeah, I'm doing my best to keep busy. We'll see what comes of it.
> 
> Motto for today: FINALLY SOME FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION.  
> As always, please consider leaving kudos or a comment, it always makes my day and gives me inspiration :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Fenrir remembers the day he snuck out of the castle, and wandered through the fields. Father had told him not to venture into the darker forests just yet, as he was still a rather young wolf, and wouldn’t be able to fend for himself. And usually, Fenrir would listen to his father’s words, and not leave, and stay close to the sorcerer’s side. He was... Not perfectly well behaved, but he understood why his father was so stern when it came to those things._

_Until one day, when he learned about the wild boars roaming through those parts of the woods. Huge, strong, aggressive creatures, with bodies made out of pure muscle and tusks ready to be rammed into anyone’s body who was fool enough to try and get close to them. Yes, Fenrir remembers the stories father told him, and the shudders that ran down his spine, he remembers it all. And he also remembers deciding then and there that he had to see those boars for himself. So, he waited for the right moment, and then snuck out of the castle and made his way through the wide fields, and then into the forests. Picking up the boars’ scent was simple enough, and following their trails proved to be even easier. Fenrir remembers the way his heart started to pound faster and faster the closer he got to their resting place, how heavy their scents hung in the air, and how his blood started to boil with the urge to RUN, to FIGHT and GROWL and and and--_

_And then the trees opened up, and Fenrir came face to face with the hugest boar he had ever seen. It was a creature so immense, he felt like an ant from the very first moment, having to lean his head back to look into its eyes. And those tusks... And those dark, angry eyes boring into his skull, and Fenrir remembers the thrill he felt burning through his muscles and bones._

_He wasn’t afraid, though. Fenrir wasn’t scared._

And he certainly wasn’t as scared as he is now, walking towards the Soldier.

The Tower is quiet. Sato still pauses every other second to listen. Of course, JARVIS would tell him if someone else was coming his way, yet he still feels the need to make sure. But no, he can’t hear anyone else. Only the Soldier, sitting in the living room. Sato wonders what will happen once the Soldier sees him. A part of him fears the anger, the aggression he might face, for whatever reason. People never needed a reason to hate him before, he himself was enough. A smaller part of him wonders if maybe- But no. He won’t even dare to think that far. And an even smaller part almost wishes for it. Shaking his head, he scoffs and forces himself to focus on the task at hand again. This is not the time to wonder and hope and dream.

Taking a few more steps, he listens again. No, still quiet. The Soldier is still reading, Sato can hear the rustling of the pages. Reading... And then some- Scratching? He isn’t quiet sure. Sato knows the sound, but he hadn’t expected it... Could the Soldier be writing, too? Maybe. Not much longer, and he will know. A shudder runs down his spine, and he has to fight the urge to turn around and simply run back to the one safe room. Slam the door, and pretend none of this happened. Let JARVIS worry, let them try and break down the door, why should he care? For a moment, Sato has to squeeze his eyes shut and push himself forward, because it would be so easy. But he can’t. He needs to do this, or else- Or else JARVIS will make his threats come true and call for someone to take him away. So, he keeps walking. Quietly, of course, his feet barely touching the ground as he creeps through the hallways. About twenty meters from the living room area, and he hears- There’s something. Not much, just a small hesitation in whatever the Soldier is doing, but Sato can hear it clearly, and he knows what it means. He has been detected, by someone who has good ears as well. The Soldier knows he’s here. Sato starts to shake, his entire body vibrating from head to toe, and yet he keeps on moving. He is scared, he is so scared, and still he doesn’t stop, doesn’t turn and run, but keeps moving towards the living room. Thankfully, JARVIS stays quiet, because Sato is sure any word from the friendly ghost would send him running, for whatever reason.

And then he finally steps around a corner and comes face to face with the Soldier.

Sato has seen his face, of course. Blond hair, bright, blue eyes, and back when he first saw the Soldier, he was wearing a mask, hiding a face full of determination. His body is still as big as he remembers, he sees the muscles under the white t-shirt and khaki pants he’s wearing, and he thinks about the boar he once met in a world far away. No, he wasn’t scared back then. But he is scared right now, so scared that he wants to start crying and screaming and running away.

“Hey, Sato. It’s nice to see you, buddy. Really, really nice, actually.”

Sato flinches back, and then he tries to breathe. His entire body is tense, muscles coiled tightly, and he knows that he’s ready to fight, or flee. The Soldier knows that, too, of course. Sato won’t be able to fool him, and that’s yet another reason to be scared. Still, he stays, because... He isn’t sure.

For a few moments, they both stay quiet. Sato’s eyes are busy darting through the room, trying to gage as much information as possible. Quiet, the room is dark, except for the area where the Soldier is sitting- And he’s been drawing, it seems. His hands and fingers are dark, some spots on his shirt, too. It smells like tea and food, and Sato feels his stomach growl, but he can’t focus on that. No TV, no music, just the quiet. And he knows that the Soldier is watching him in return, and he wonders what he sees when he looks at him. Probably nothing good. Sato wouldn’t be surprised.

“I was getting pretty worried about you, to be honest. You didn’t take any of the food, and you weren’t answering any of my notes... Are you feeling better now?”

Sato stares at him, because this- This is strange. He has never spoken to the Soldier. They have only exchanged notes, and that’s it. Now, he’s looking at this stranger, and he wonders if it makes a difference. It does, in a way, but Sato doesn’t understand it just yet. So, he stays quiet. The Soldier seems to get it, and keeps talking.

“Are you hungry? I could make you some stew again, if you’d like?”

Yes, Sato is hungry, very hungry. Maybe, he isn’t sure. His stomach feels tight, but the thought of food makes nausea rise in his throat. So, he shrugs. The Soldier seems to deflate at that, but he tries for a smile. Sato watches it unfold and wonders again. He can feel the fear ebb away just slightly. Which is a rather concerning feeling, too.

“Do you want something to drink?”

This time, he shakes his head. His naked toes curl against the cool floor, and he clenches his fingers, around the notepad and the pen. But he doesn’t want anything to drink.

“Okay. Do you- Do you think you could come a little closer? I won’t bite, I promise”, he adds with another small smile as he gestures at the sofa he’s sitting on.

It’s a daunting offer. On the one hand, Sato feels fear crawl through his blood, making him shy away and flinch from any faster movement. On the other hand, there’s that tug again - The one he has been feeling every other day in the last few weeks, whenever he received a note, whenever he listened to the tray being sat down in front of his door. Yes, he can feel that tug, and it worries him.

The Soldier raises his eyebrows, and then scoots backwards, making a little more space. Sato watches him, and then, for whatever reason, he takes a step closer. The Soldier raises his eyebrows a little more, but he makes no move to come closer as well. And so, Sato takes another step, and another, and another, until he’s standing right in front of the sofa.

“It’s okay. Why don’t you have a seat?”

And Sato does. He isn’t sure why, but a moment later he’s sitting on the sofa, just a few feet from the Soldier, and his heart is beating out of his chest. Yes, he’s scared. And yet here he is. Sato doesn’t understand himself, and he’s not sure he even wants to. Still, he’s trembling, and he’s sure the Soldier can feel it, too.

“I’m really glad you decided to come out of your room, Sato. Bruce and I were getting really worried about you. JARVIS told me you weren’t feeling too good.”

Sato isn’t sure what to say, how to react- So he doesn’t. He still looks at the Soldier, though, and listens. Maybe he’ll be able to hear a lie. Maybe not. The Soldier’s eyes are bright, and attentive, but not aggressive, not dark, clear and- Sato cocks his head, because he thinks-- But no. He won’t think like that.

“How are you feeling now, Sato? Do you think you can tell me?”

How would he answer that? For a moment, the fear ebbs away and makes room for that cursed feeling of helplessness. Because he has no way of expressing everything that he has felt the last- Weeks? Months? His entire life? Where would he even begin to explain? And how would the Soldier ever understand? But the man gives him time, and the silence stretches on, so Sato lifts his notepad and pen, and tries to think. After a few more moments his finally writes something down, and then lifts the notepad with a trembling hand.

**Lost**

It’s all he can say, and while it might not be much, it’s all there really is. The Soldier’s eyes grow soft and sad as he reads it, and when he looks back at Sato, there’s something... Just something in his eyes...

“Yeah. I feel kind of lost, too.”

_How?_ , Sato wants to ask, wants to yell and scream, _how would you know? How could you understand how it feels to be ripped away from everything you know, everything you’ve come to trust and love, just to be thrown into an unfamiliar world without an ally by your side? How could you ever understand what it feels like to be completely and utterly alone?_

Yes, Sato wants to scream all of that, right into the Soldier’s face. But then, he takes a moment to looks into the man’s eyes again, and he thinks- He thinks that maybe, just maybe, the Soldier understands, after all. Maybe he understands better than Sato thought possible. With a sigh, the man leans back into the cushions and turns his head towards the huge windows covering one side of the Tower. Sato cocks his head, watching the side of his face, because- It’s strange. He turned his face away. People don’t do that around Sato. They never have. Yet here is the Soldier, showing him his back, and while they both know that he could probably break the wolf’s neck without much trouble- It might just mean something.

“You asked me where I’m from some time ago. I was actually born and raised here, in New York. Brooklyn, to be exact. Then came the war, and I went. It’s a pretty long story, but I ended up being frozen for about seventy years, and when I woke back up, everything- Everything was different. The way it is right now”, he adds as he turns back around to face Sato with a sad smile, “so, it’s not exactly the same, but I guess we both come from different worlds. And now we’re here.”

Sato didn’t know that. He doesn’t know much about the Soldier. In a way. In another way, he knows all the small things the man told him through those notes, and it does matter, too, somehow. But it’s not the same. With a small frown, Sato turns back to his notepad, and then holds it out for the Soldier to read.

**Alone**

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish I could--”

But Sato shakes his head, drawing a small question mark, then showing the page to the Soldier again.

**Alone?**

For emphasis, he points at the Soldier. At that, the man sighs again, and then nods slowly.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Alone. I mean, there’s Bruce, and Natasha and Clint. But it’s not the same. They don’t... They don’t always understand, you know?”

This time, Sato nods, because he does know. He knows that feeling of being... Different. Disconnected, and floating through a world he is not welcome in. And apparently the Soldier feels the same way. The wolf furrows his brow and bites his lip. Yes, he understands. Then, he turns back to the notepad.

**Was lost, and scared. I crashed here don’t remember don’t know what happened just came here. Scared hurt and lost and scared and didn’t understand anything but I got better and now I’m** **weak ugly useless** **not sure and sad. I get tired very tired too tired to get up too tired to eat too tired to** **feel breathe exist** **answer the notes. But I never forgot and I wanted to.**

Again, the Soldier takes a few moments to read through Sato’s mess, and then nods as he looks up and into the wolf’s eyes again.

“I was scared, too, when I first woke up. Everything I knew was gone, and I felt- I felt completely alone. I’m getting better, too, but sometimes the world can be a scary place. Everything’s so fast and loud, I still get overwhelmed most days.”

He says all of this with a small smile, but now it’s Sato’s turn to nod as he hastily scribbles again.

**Yes everything is so loud and it’s a fast world and time passes so quickly too quickly and somedays I get almost dizzy and everyone is loud and moving too fast and I get confused a lot and I don’t**

He stops writing when nothing new will form, but still makes sure to let the Soldier read everything. Using the quiet moments, he takes the time to listen to his own heartbeat, and to the Soldier’s heartbeat. They’ve both calmed down, and Sato wonders why. But the fear has ebbed away some more, and he is- Not calm, not by a long stretch, but he is not as frightened any more. Why?

“I get what you mean. I definitely haven’t gotten used to all the noise, and I doubt I ever will. I like the quiet. Like tonight. I like that there’s no one around. Apart from you, of course. And I certainly don’t mind you.”

That soothes something in Sato’s chest, for whatever strange reason. Still, he breathes a small sigh of relief. It’s strange, because just a few moments ago he was resisting the urge to run away and slam the door shut. Now, he feels relief when the Soldier tells him he doesn’t mind the wolf’s company.

**I miss**

But who does he miss? In the end, the answer is painfully obvious.

**I miss everyone**

“Your father? I’m sorry”, the Soldier adds with a cringe when Sato flinches back violently, “I won’t mention it again. But still, I’m sorry about what happened. No matter what he did, he’s still your father, and--”

Sato growls at that, and bares his teeth. He knows his eyes are shining, and the Soldier leans back ever so slightly as the muscles in his shoulders tense just a bit. Scoffing, Sato grabs his notepad and writes some more. Once he’s done, he thrusts it towards the Soldier’s face, growling lowly.

**You don’t know him. None of you and never did. Don’t talk about him you wouldn’t understand. Life was cruel and he had to pay and now he’s gone and I miss him because I love him more than anyone else**

Sato doesn’t want to cry, but he can still feel his eyes burning, and he quickly brushes a hand over his hot face. No, he won’t cry, because why would he? And why would he allow the Soldier to see him cry? But it’s true. He misses his father, with all of his heart, and it hurts, it hurts so much...

It’s quiet for a few moments again, while Sato wills his heart to calm down again, and the Soldier lets his eyes wander through the room. Maybe it’s out of respect, maybe out of disgust. The Aesir never liked it when men cried. Then again, Sato never was a man to begin with.

“I miss my best friend.”

All of a sudden, the Soldier’s voice has gone soft. Timid, almost as if he’s afraid to talk, to even say those things out loud. Yet he keeps on talking, and Sato watches and listens.

“We grew up together. He was- God, he was the best man I ever met! He protected me, saved my life a couple of times. I’m sure I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. He was my everything, back then. And now he’s gone.”

The Soldier is crying. Sato has to blink a couple of times, just to be sure. But yes, the Soldier is crying. Softly, quietly, but there are tears running down his face. And his eyes are filled with grief and sorrow, and maybe- Maybe he does understand a lot better than Sato previously thought.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about this. And I shouldn’t be crying. But it still hurts, you know? And I still miss him every day. For everyone else, it’s been decades since he- But for me, it still feels like it happened only a few months ago.”

Sato watches the man wipe a hand across his face, and then he does something he doesn’t understand- He reaches over and rest a hand on the man’s arm. The Soldier freezes at that, but Sato resists the urge to flinch back, even when the man lifts his head to look at him again. His fingers are tingling, the warmth of the skin underneath them seeping into his flesh, warming him, and he shudders at that feeling. It’s been a long, long time since anyone touched him, and even this tiny moment feels like something inside of him is crumbling, as if cliffs are breaking off and crashing into an ocean. A disconcerting feeling. Still, he can’t bring himself to move away for just a little while longer, until it gets too much, until it almost burns his palm, down to the bone. With a shaking hand he grabs his notepad again, and writes something down.

**I’m sorry he’s gone. Name?**

“Thank you. And his name was Bucky. At least that’s what I used to call him.”

**He read to you you said sometimes**

“He did. You remember, then. Bucky used to read to me when I was sick, and that happened often enough, back then. He’d claim that he’d only do it to make me feel better, but I know for a fact that he re-read most of the books for himself at some point.”

Father used to do the same. Back when Sato was still a little pup, and got sick from time to time. Then they’d curl up in father’s soft bed, and father would read to him while Sato dozed, carding a hand through the wolf’s fur. Yes, he remembers. And again, the memory stings in a bitter-sweet way.

**Lost, too and it still hurts. Centuries ago. Time is strange. Helps but not always. Don’t know if it heals maybe it does. I hope it will heal me someday.**

Before the Soldier can reply, he flicks through the pages and starts writing on a new one. Sato doesn’t want an answer to that, because he doesn’t want to hear if the Soldier already knows. Instead, he wants to push things onward.

**I still have JARVIS he is a great friend and he tells me things and teaches me a lot because I don’t know much but I’m learning and he protects me he always has. Friends are important. Do you have a friend?**

“I already heard that you ask a lot of questions. I’m sure you know a lot more about this time than me by now”, the Soldier chuckles lowly, “and I- Well, I guess I have Bruce. He’s a great guy, you know? He’s been worried about you, too, and he’ll be glad to you know you and I talked. And Natasha and Clint, they’re nice, too. We’re getting along for now. But I’m not sure if I’d consider any of them my friend just yet.”

**So no friend**

“Guess not. Though it sounds pretty sad when you say it that way.”

**I can be your friend**

Why did he write that? Sato shakes his head, but it’s already to late. The Soldier has read it, and now he’s smiling. Which is... Nice. Even though Sato doesn’t understand.

“I’d like for us to be friends”, he now says, still with that warm, gentle smile, and Sato cocks his head and raises his eyebrows.

So- The Soldier wants to be friends? With Sato? That’s- Nice. Very nice, actually, because Sato is rather sure he never had a friend before. Not in this way, anyway. Sure, he has JARVIS, and he- And no one else. But he does have JARVIS. And now he maybe has the Soldier, too.

**Friends?**

“If you want that, too, then yeah. We can be friends.”

Sato nods slowly, and then scratches out the question mark.

**Friends**

And again, the Soldier smiles, and the wolf feels that small, yet insistent tug on his heart again. It’s worrying, to say the least, because while he knows what it means, he won’t ever allow himself to act on it. They can sit here and talk, but Sato will never, ever allow himself--

“Hey, Sato. I’m actually pretty hungry myself. How’d you feel about ordering some pizza?”

Immediately after it’s said, the wolf’s stomach starts to rumble loudly. The Soldier chuckles at that, and Sato wishes he had better control over his body in moments like this. Now, he feels the hunger gnaw on his flesh again, and the thought of fresh, hot pizza makes his teeth itch. Yes, he’s hungry, and now that the fear has lessened even more, he can feel it again.

“Okay, I’ll take that as an answer. JARVIS, could you order us something?”

_Of course, Captain Rogers. Is there anything you’d like in particular?_

“Not really. Sato?”

Sato shakes his head, because all he can think about is _food hot fresh salty good hungry pizza pizza hungry good pizza pizza pizza_ , but that doesn’t seem to be a problem.

_I will order a variety of pizzas, then. Would you also like some dessert?_

“I think so”, the Soldier answers, and this time, Sato nods readily. He can feel his muscles starting to tremble and his mouth water already. Yes, hungry, he’s very hungry, and now that he knows there will be food sooner rather than later, he feels his patience slip away.

_Your delivery should arrive in about twenty five to thirty minutes._

“That’s good. I cooked you some stew today, but since you didn’t take it, the other guys and I decided to have it for dinner. I’m sorry, if I’d known you’d come out here tonight, I would’ve made sure to save you a portion.”

**Thank you I know. I like your stew it’s very good. All of your food is very good.**

“Thanks, Sato. I was never that much of a cook, to be honest. But I’ve tried to get better, and it’s actually a lot of fun. Turns out I like cooking.”

**So it’s fun?**

“To me it is. Have you ever cooked before?”

**No. I never cook. Never cooked before. I hunt and never cooked, and then father got food. But I liked to hunt and never cared about food when I could hunt. Now I can’t hunt and I get hungry and it gets bad some days**

Writing all of that down hurts, somehow. Still, Sato doesn’t try to stop himself, because this is something he can share. He won’t hunt again, anyway, and that- That hurts a lot. Sato always loved to hunt, and not being able to do so makes him feel crippled. Useless, and weak. Wolves who can’t hunt don’t survive for all that long.

“Back when I was still a kid, I’d be hungry a lot of the time, too. It’s an ugly feeling. But I think neither of us will have to be hungry again. There’s more than enough food for all of us, so neither of us will have to worry about things like that again.”

That, at least, is a much brighter outlook. Sato has come to understand that the people around here don’t suffer from hunger as much- Or maybe they do, somewhere else. JARVIS told him that this world is a lot bigger than just New York City, so there might be all kinds of misery hidden away in the darker corners. Maybe he will find out soon enough.

“Maybe we could cook together, some day. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.”

**Maybe**

“I’d like that.”

The Soldier is still smiling. Sato watches him for a few moments, and tries to figure out why, and what’s going on. People never smiled at him all that much. Especially strangers. They knew to stay away and shied back whenever he smiled. Yet here is the Soldier, smiling at him, and he doesn’t smile like he’s lying. Not at all. Sato isn’t sure what to think about that.

**Are you scared**

“Of what?”

**Of me**

“No, Sato. I’m not scared of you. I never was, either. Why would you think that?”

It’s hard to explain all those years he spent being screamed at, chased away from any villages, all those angry faces hissing and yelling for him to get away.

**Not sure. People are often scared. I look** **like a monster** **different and they were always scared and screamed. Wanted to ask. You don’t seem scared. It’s strange I don’t know what to do**

The Soldier takes a while to reply, and Sato feels himself tense with every second that passes. Finally, the man lifts his head and looks at the wolf. His bright blue eyes are clear, and his heart thuds evenly in his chest. Not lying, then. Or maybe he is just very good at it.

“I’m not scared of you, Sato, because there’s no reason to be. I don’t think you want to hurt me, and you- Yes, maybe you are different. But so am I. We’re all different, actually. There’s no reason to be afraid of each other.”

**I’m afraid of you very afraid**

The Soldier opens his mouth, but Sato shakes his head as he pulls his notepad back and scribbles some more.

**You could hurt me kill me chain me down I’m scared that you will. I am weak and you could hurt me and I sometimes can’t sleep and I can’t trust you or anyone or and I know you haven’t hurt me yet but I don’t trust**

This time, the Soldier takes a long time before he answers. Sato doesn’t mind, because for some reason he is shaking quite hard right now, and he wonders why. The fear has ebbed away even more, so there is no reason to fall apart here and now.

Still, he feels something crumbling inside of his mind. Finally, the Soldier lifts his head again and looks at Sato with clear, soft eyes.

“I believe that trust needs to be earned. Do you agree with that?”

Sato nods slowly.

“Okay. Then I’ll try and earn you trust. I get that it’s hard for you to trust anyone right now, but I’d like to try. And maybe you’ll decide to trust me at some point. Think we could do that?”

**Why**

“What do you mean?”

**Why try**

“Why I would try to earn your trust?”

**Yes**

“Because I’d like us to be friends. I don’t want you to be afraid of me, and I understand why you’re struggling to trust me now. But Im willing to work for that to happen. As long as you’re ready to try.”

Sato thinks about that for a while. He isn’t used to having that much choice, and only now does he realize that it confuses him. Life was less about choices, and more about survival. Now, it suddenly isn’t anymore, and it turns out to be a lot stranger and more confusing than simply trying to stay alive. And so, it takes him a few more moments to decide on an answer.

**Want to try. Need time but I want to try and trust and I think I might. I want to try. If you try, too**

Once he’s read it, the solider turns towards him with a wide, bright smile. A smile that once again tugs on Sato’s heart and makes something inside of him shudder with warmth. And this time, he even dares to smile back a little bit.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, real life sucks right now. Got some bad news a few days ago, will get even worse news next week. But at least that means I'm spending a lot of my free time writing and hiding from reality, so yay progress!
> 
> Please consider leaving kudos or even a comment, it makes my day and inspires me to work on future installments. Still, wether you choose to do so or not, I'm happy you're taking the time to read my stuff, and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Captain Rogers, your delivery has arrived. I will tell the delivery person to put the pizzas into the elevator, as they have already been paid for._

“Great, thank you, JARVIS. You ready to eat, Sato?”

The wolf nods hesitantly, and then watches as the Soldier gets up and walks towards the elevator. Again, the man has turned his back towards him, and that- Sato isn’t sure what to make of that just yet. Still, he watches on, and then the elevator arrives. The smell of pizza wafts through the room, and Sato’s stomach growls again, loudly. He licks his lips and reminds himself that he can’t sling down his food like he used to - He’ll only make himself sick, and that, that can’t happen in front of the Soldier. And again, he is very, very hungry, and throwing up won’t help his already upset stomach.

“Hope you’re hungry, because JARVIS ordered at least five pizzas for each of us”, the Soldier says now as he comes back to the sofa, carrying about ten pizza cartons in his hands, “and dessert, too. Have you ever had tiramisu?”

Sato shakes his head, because he doesn’t really care about dessert right now. His hands are shaking, and he can feel his teeth vibrate in his mouth as the Soldier sets the cartons down on the table and hands the wolf the first carton. Somehow, he manages to force himself to not tear it open and gobble everything down in a matter of seconds. Instead, he waits, and watches as the Soldier sits down next to him again, opening his own carton and taking out a slice. Then he notices Sato staring at him.

“Are you okay? Not hungry anymore?”

Sato slowly shakes his head, because he _is_ _hungry_. It feels like something is biting at his stomach, and the nausea is crawling up his throat again. But this- Eating together, that’s not something you simply _do_. The Soldier is looking at him with raised eyebrows, and Sato feels the fear scratch at his chest. He’s doing something wrong, he knows, and that’s not good, but he doesn’t know what else to do, because this, this is new and strange and he feels himself tensing again.

“Is something wrong? Are you- What’s wrong, Sato? Don’t you like pizza?”

How could he explain this to the Soldier? Food has always been different for him than to others, and most people don’t understand. Sato can eat in front of his father, in front of Tony, but with strangers, things are a little different. He has been taught to fight for his food, when it comes to most other creatures, and while there are exceptions, the Soldier might-- And Sato feels himself leaning back as the Soldier continues to watch him with a soft gaze, and he feels a familiar tightness in his chest. He doesn’t want to do things wrong, he wants to do this right, because he wants- He wants to not be different, to not be strange and alien again, not in front of the Soldier. Sato wants to do this the right way, even if he’s not sure why.

After a few more moments, the man’s gaze softens even more, and he relaxes back into the sofa.

“Okay. Just- Take your time. But how do you feel about watching a documentary while we eat, hm? I’m sure JARVIS could put something for us on.”

_It would be a pleasure, sir._

“Great. Is there anything you’d like to watch?”

Again, Sato isn’t sure what to make of this. The Soldier is still watching him, but he doesn’t feel threatened. After a few more seconds, he slowly moves to grab his notepad and pen. Putting the pizza carton down is difficult, and his stomach gives a protesting growl, but he pushes past it so that he can scribble down a few words.

**About the caves?**

_Sato is referring to the fourth episode of the documentary series “Planet Earth”. Would that be alright with you, Captain Rogers?_

“Sure, I haven’t seen any of those yet. Are they good?”

Sato nods enthusiastically at that, but just as JARVIS is about confirm their choice, he shakes his head again, and holds up a single finger to the ceiling.

_Of course. Captain Rogers, Sato is asking to start with the first episode instead, as you haven’t seen any of them just yet. Would you agree with that?_

“That’d be great, yeah. If you’re sure you don’t mind?”

Sato nods, because he has already watched the series a couple of times. It’s absolutely beautiful, and he likes the narrator’s voice, and he doubts he will ever grow tired of watching it again. The Soldier nods, and the next moment JARVIS already starts up the first episode.

For the first episode, Sato watches. He watches the Soldier, who turns his attention towards the TV screen and concentrates on the program. The familiar voice soothes some of his trembling muscles, but he still makes sure to never allow his gaze to leave the Soldier’s frame. And he watches. Soon enough, the Soldier starts to eat, too, and if the pleased sounds are any indication, the pizza must be really good. Again, Sato’s stomach growls, but he remains still. He can’t trust the apparent peace just now. As the narrator takes them through deserts and jungles and planes and mountains, he watches the Soldier.

He seems to like the program. He smiles, sometimes, and nods whenever the narrator reveals another interesting fact, and he seems to be concentrating on everything happening on the screen. In between, he eats some pizza, and soon enough finishes the first one. And Sato watches. The smell of pizza clogs up his nose, and his stomach hurts, but he is simply not ready just yet. The fear is still sitting right next to him on the sofa. Sato can feel her breathing down his neck, a presence that keeps him on edge, whispering into his ear about all those things that could go wrong if his attention wavers for even a single second. Sato has learned to listen to his fear, so he doesn’t move, doesn’t eat, doesn’t even dare to breathe too loudly as he watches the Soldier. Who doesn’t seem to mind. The wolf is sure that his staring does not go unnoticed, but whenever the man turns to look at him, all he does is smile a gentle smile with soft eyes, and then goes back to eating. Sato nods every time their gaze meets, because he isn’t sure what else to do, and then the Soldier turns back to the TV screen.

Sato starts to eat during the second episode. The hunger simply gets too big, too loud, so loud that even the fear’s whispering gets drowned out. Hunger has always made Sato stupid, and it’s no different tonight. So, he finally opens the carton in his lap, and starts to eat his pizza. It’s still warm, and the first taste of warm food makes him tremble and his teeth itch terribly. Still, he manages to slow himself down, to not sling it all down in a matter of seconds, and slowly, carefully chews his bite before swallowing. He waits after that, carefully watching the Soldier. But the man doesn’t turn his head, and so he dares to take a second bite, then a third, a fourth, and soon enough the first slice is gone. His stomach rolls, unused to getting food, but Sato pushes past it, because the hunger is growling louder than that, too. A few minutes later, the first pizza is gone, and he slowly, carefully sets the empty carton down onto the floor next to the sofa.

“Did you like it? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”, the Soldier quickly adds when Sato flinches back violently, “I just- Wanted to know if you liked it, that’s all.”

He looks- Honest. And Sato can’t sense any lie, so he nods again as he points at the pizza. The Soldier seems to understand, because he smiles again, and reaches over to grab another carton for himself.

“Good, that’s good. Pick whatever you like next, I don’t mind.”

Then, he goes back to eating again, and watching the program. Sato hesitates, but in the end, hunger wins out, and he takes a second carton as well. He never really cared about what kind of pizza he ate, and he certainly won’t start right now. No, pizza was always more about the general taste, and the sharing of food he enjoyed the most. But thinking about that hurts, so he quickly takes another bite and allows himself to relish in the warmth and rich taste.

Sato keeps on watching the Soldier. The man seems to enjoy the second episode as well, and Sato is... Pleased. Why, he isn’t sure, but he likes to know that the Soldier enjoys something he picked out. He was also pleased to know that the man enjoyed the documentaries he recommended a while ago, so maybe it’s the same here and now. With the difference that tonight, they are truly watching the program together, and sharing- Sharing food. Pizza, even. Sato frowns as he wonders what that means. But then, his stomach growls again, and he takes yet another bite. All too soon, the second pizza is gone, too, and he finds himself hesitating once again. He _is_ still hungry, and somehow it feels even worse than before, like his body remembers how much it enjoys food, and now demands infinitely more. Yet he hesitates for a few more minutes, until the Soldier simply reaches for another carton and hands it over.

“Here. I’ve already had that one, maybe you’ll like it, too.”

He says it with a small smile, and Sato finds himself nodding again as he takes the carton with shaky hands. This time, he doesn’t hesitate before opening the carton and starts eating almost immediately as the third episode starts. By now, he even dares to peek at the screen every other minute, catching glimpses of the rivers and lakes the narrator is talking about. The Soldier notices, he is rather sure, but doesn’t comment on it. He smiles, once or twice, but that’s all. And Sato wonders how he got here, because it all seems to have happened rather fast. Just a few hours ago, he was still sitting on his bed, debating wether or not he’d even be able to leave the room - And now he’s here. It seems rather strange, all of this. With a slight shake of his head, he finishes another slice of pizza and lets his eyes flick towards the screen once again. It is a fascinating documentary, after all.

“That’s the one you wanted to watch, right?”

Sato nods, and this time he sets the pizza carton aside and straightens himself up just a bit. It is his favorite episode of the entire series. The caves. So, even though the fear is hissing at him to make himself smaller, to cower into the cushions and stay alert, he sits up straight and watches the TV screen attentively.

He remembers the day he first watched this episode. It wasn’t a good day. It was a dark day, thoughts moving slowly and sluggishly, with heavy bones and a head filled with rotting wood. But then JARVIS put on that episode, and all of a sudden he felt himself perking up again. It was an entirely new world. Beautiful and strange and alien, hidden away in the depths of this planet, and Sato remembers being absolutely enchanted by what he saw. There was a lot of darkness, but he never minded that, and then there was light, and strange creatures he had never seen before. They had adapted, and he listened in fascination as the narrator told him all about their strategies and mechanisms, and how long some of them had remained hidden from the humans’ eyes. He remembers their very own magic, and the way his own heart started to beat a little faster when those humans were brave enough to swim into those caves, nothing but a single piece of string marking their way and ensuring their survival.

Now, he watches, too, and feels a small smile tug on his face. Excitement, and he hasn’t felt that in a while. But here he is, forgetting about food as they show this strange little worm weaving his net, glowing in the darkness, and he finds himself turning towards the Soldier, pointing at the screen excitedly. The man is watching him, but he doesn’t feel afraid as he reaches for his notepad and pen. It’s a little difficult to explain what he wants to say, but he settles on a word soon enough.

**Wonderful**

“It really is. It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Sato nods again, and then turns his head back towards the screen. Excitement is still buzzing in his veins. Not only because of the episode, but also because the Soldier seems to like it as well. For some reason, that makes him- Happy. Or rather, content. The fear has ebbed away again, and for a few precious seconds he feels simply content to sit next to the Soldier, watching the episode together. There are a few moments when he recognizes something - An animal, a plant, or a small fact, and he wants to somehow tell the man, because he knows something more about it, and JARVIS doesn’t automatically elaborate this time around. But he keeps quiet, for now. Still, he catches himself spending more and more time watching the screen, because those images pull him in, and he can’t resist them tonight. Maybe he doesn’t even have to, because the Soldier is smiling whenever he looks over to him, and nods whenever Sato points at one of his favorite scenes, even pointing out a few things he notices himself.

The wolf remembers his pizza about halfway through the episode, and he starts eating again, albeit a little slower than before, because he still needs to focus on the TV screen. The third pizza is almost gone by now, and the food is barely warm anymore. Sato doesn’t mind. His stomach is still mostly empty, but he no longer feels any nausea, and he knows he needs to eat, anyway. The Soldier has almost eaten five pizzas by now, too, and now Sato can see why the Soldier understands the wolf’s need for bigger servings. Again, he is glad that he won’t have to explain this anymore, and allows himself to lean back against the cushions, his muscles relaxing ever so slightly as he waits for the Soldier’s reaction when one of the diver’s seemingly starts to fly above the clear water.

“Oh. Uh, thank you, but I’ve already had my pizzas. This one’s yours.”

Sato shakes his head, and once again pushes one of the remaining cartons into the Soldier’s hands. He himself has eaten four pizza’s now, and this is the last one.

“No, really. It was five pizzas for each of us, and I’ve--”

But again, Sato shakes his head as he pushes the last one towards the Soldier. Yes, he understands, but- He wants the man to take the last one. His own stomach is already full enough, and he has a feeling that the Soldier isn’t as sated as he acts. If Sato wasn’t here, he’d probably order some more food, or cook for himself, and Sato- Sato doesn’t want him to be hungry. So, he pushes the food into his hesitant hands, and nods a few more times at the carton. When the man still hesitates, he reaches for his notepad and starts to write.

**No longer hungry. You are. Eat. No need to be hungry**

“Okay... If you’re sure? Thanks, Sato. That’s really nice of you.”

The wolf only shrugs as he leans back a little bit and turns back towards the screen. This episode tells them a lot about the deserts all over this world, and Sato feels the heat brush over his skin as he watches the creatures trying to survive in those dangerous environments. The Soldier watches him for a few moments, but then he finally opens the carton and takes out the first slice.

“How about we share it, then?”, he asks lowly, and then hands Sato a slice before grabbing one for himself.

The wolf takes it before he can think too much about, and once they both start eating again, he wonders about it all. They’re sharing food, and they are still watching Planet Earth, and the fear is missing. At some point, she has left the sofa, and now seems to be hiding somewhere else. Sato isn’t sure when or how it happened, but he feels... Content. Something inside of him has calmed down, and there are currently no sharp edges digging into his flesh. Sato wonders what exactly it is that has lessened, because the pain has ebbed away, and he takes another bite of his pizza and chews slowly.

They end up sharing the last pizza, and once it’s gone, Sato lets out a satisfied sigh. By now, they are just about to start the sixth episode, and he feels himself growing just a little tired. The food is weighing him down in a comfortable way, and his stomach no longer protests, and he feels sated. After the last few days of hunger, this feeling is more than welcome.

“Do you want your dessert now, Sato?”

The wolf has to blink a few times before he can focus on the Soldier, who’s holding out a small container and a plastic spoon. Right. Tiramisu. Sato licks his lips as he careful takes his serving and opens the lid. The smell is something new, and he sniffs a few times as he grabs the plastic spoon as well and watches the Soldier take the first bite. The man’s eyes close as he lets out content sigh, so the wolf does the same.

Tiramisu tastes wonderful. Sweet, yet a little bitter, and it’s a taste he recognizes, or at least the smell? Something Tony used to like a lot, a smell that often stuck to the man’s skin, and his chest clenches as he hums and licks his lips, slowly blinking his eyes open again.

“It’s really good, right?”

The wolf nods at that, and takes another small bite. Sato has found out that he loves sweet foods, and this is no exception. The small container is emptied in just a few more moments, and then he sets it down onto the stack of pizza cartons, turning back towards the TV screen. The sixth episode has finished by now, and Sato feels something twist inside of his chest when the next one starts with images of wide worlds filled with ice and snow. Yes, he remembers the snow, and the welcome cold, and the way his fur would ruffle to provide some additional warmth. And he remembers--

All of a sudden, all warmth leaves his body, as he stares at the TV screen and memories wash over him. It’s a curios feeling, to be drowned in his own past, yet he can’t shake it off, and so he sinks down. And then, he is back, in the snow and the ice, still a wolf, still strong and wild and himself. He feels the snow and ice bite into his skin even through his fur, and he shudders, because he can taste the cold, fresh air, and because he can hear his father’s laugh somewhere, so close to his side, and yet he knows it’s his mind playing a trick on him, and yet his heart still aches. Shaking his head, he catches glimpses of his actual reality, of the living room, and the Soldier who has turned his head and is looking at him, but the snow returns and covers his eyes and ears and makes him freeze for entirely different reasons. He can’t let that happen. He can’t allow himself to drift away, because he is not alone, and he is anything but safe. And he knows that he needs to come back, needs to stay awake and aware and can’t just let his thoughts get lost in memories. So, Sato bites down on his lips, bites down hard and long, until he feels a sharp pain and tastes blood on his tongue. The taste makes him want to gag, yet he bites just a little harder, until the cut bleeds freely into his mouth, and slowly, his vision clears.

The Tower. The living room. And the Soldier, looking at him with concerned eyes. Sato feels himself shrinking back, because he feels as though he has done something wrong again. The Soldier must have noticed his drifting, and his heart starts to race again, because it’s something he can’t let anyone see. His weakness, his confused mind - They might cost him his life. And now the Soldier is looking at him, as though he knows exactly what just happened. Sato suppresses a whine, and presses back into the cushions, trying to get away.

“Is everything okay, Sato?”

His voice seems to cut into his ears, and his shies away from the intrusive sounds, resisting the urge to cover his ears with his hands. He feels raw, stripped of his skin and mind, tumbling through this moment, and vulnerable, disgustingly vulnerable. And scared. The fear is back again, and this time, she’s sitting on his chest, hissing into his ears, making him deaf for everything besides her voice. When the Soldier leans forward just a little more, Sato jumps to his feet, taking a few steps back. His ears are ringing, and the Soldier is still looking at him. One of his hand is outstretched, reaching for Sato, and he can almost feel the touch already. It burns on his skin, and he doesn’t like it.

“Sato, what--”

He shakes his head, and when the Soldier doesn’t stop reaching, even goes so far as to get up, Sato runs. Without really deciding to do so, his feet start to move, and a moment later he’s already racing through the hallways, towards the room. JARVIS is talking to him, but the wolf only shakes his head, because he needs to get away, he needs to hide, and somehow calm his heart and mind, and he needs to be _alone_. The Soldier calls out for him, but then he has already reached the right door, pulling it open and throwing himself inside, before pushing the door shut behind himself.

Somehow, he makes it into the bed. His entire body is shaking, muscles seizing whenever his mind flashes back to soft snow and sharp ice, and he shudders as he crawls under his covers. JARVIS is still talking, still asking questions, but Sato can only shake his head as he starts to pull the blankets up over his trembling body, sighing with relief when he feels the warmth return, seeping into his chilled skin and bones. It helps him relax, if only a fraction. His mind is still buzzing, thoughts and fears whirling behind his eyes, pulling him towards a new kind of darkness, one that he doesn’t trust, one that hurts to even look at, one that he wants to avoid.

_Sato, I understand you are exhausted. Could you please simply tell me if you are otherwise alright?_

He breathes yet another sigh, but finds himself nodding, even though he isn’t all that sure. Sato knows that his body is not hurt- In fact, he feels better than he has in a while, stomach rather full, and... And that ache, that sharp, despairing ache has somewhat lessened. It’s yet another relief, and he marvels at the lack of pain for just a few more moments. Then, he feels the exhaustion wash over him once again, with surprising force. Groaning, Sato feels his eyes slip shut against his will, as his body grows limp and soft on the mattress. JARVIS stays quiet after that, so the wolf allows himself to relax even further, until he can feel sleep tug on his mind, and just a moment later, he is already fast asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for some self-harm ahead, but hey, there's some progress as well I guess...?

Sato sleeps for a long time.

The exhaustion has seeped into his bones, and is now weighing him down, pressing him into the mattress. It feels impossible to move even a single muscle, so he doesn’t even try. Sato sleeps, and thankfully he doesn’t dream for even a moment, instead drifting through a soft kind of darkness, weightless and free of fear for just a while. Every other hour, JARVIS wakes him up and asks him if he is feeling alright. The wolf nods, then, and is thankfully allowed to go back to sleep afterwards - Or rather, he passes out just moments later, so he can’t tell if JARVIS wants him to stay awake just a little longer. It’s simply not possible. And again, he sleeps, mind and body at rest, and at some point the AI gives up on waking up and allows him to stay asleep for a long, long time.

When he finally wakes up again, his body feels tight, muscles cramped and head filled with cotton and spider webs. Blinking his eyes open, he sees soft sunlight streaming into the room. With a yawn, he forces himself to sit up, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes and warm face. Time has passed again, of course. Sato still feels heavy and a little confused, but he no longer trembles whenever he thinks about moving.

_Good morning, Sato. You have been asleep for almost twenty two hours. Are you feeling better now?_

Sato nods, and looks around for- No. Oh no. His notepad. It’s... He left it, outside. Living room. On the sofa. With a soft whine he keeps looking around, although he knows he won’t find it here, and the fear is back again at once, and he feels his heart shudder in his chest.

_Captain Rogers has left your notepad in front of the door, along with your breakfast. You are free to collect it at any time._

The Soldier. Right. Sato feels something calm inside of him, and a new flame lights in his chest. Yes, he remembers. The night they spent on the sofa, he remembers the pizza they shared, and watching the documentary. A shudder runs down his back, because something... Something is not right. He feels- Warmth. Which can’t be right. Sato should feel terror and fear and maybe anger, but none of those can be found inside of himself. But there’s warmth. And it won’t leave, and burns just a little brighter whenever images of the last night spent outside flash in front of his eyes. Strange, very strange. Sato shakes his head a couple of time, but while the images fade, the warmth stays. It feels- Good. He hates it. With a scoff, he pushes off the blankets and swings his leg out of the bed. It’s disgustingly cold, and he shivers as he pads through the room, towards the door. While he doesn’t necessarily feel all that hungry, he knows that he needs his notepad back if he wants to talk to JARVIS. And so he finds himself pressing right behind the door, straining his ears and listening. He can hear people moving around, mostly in the kitchen. Someone - The archer passes his door, and Sato holds his breath until he’s left the hallway again. Then, he quietly opens the door and picks up the tray right in front of it, immediately pushing it closed and walking back towards the bed. There, he sits down carefully and takes a look at his breakfast.

It’s a plate with pancakes, a bowl filled with yoghurt, and a smaller plate with cut fruit, along with a tall glass filled with juice. It smells wonderful, and the pancakes are still warm. Sato sighs heavily, and sets the tray aside, after picking up his notepad and pen. Frowning, he realizes that the Soldier has left a message on one of the unused pages.

_It was nice to spend the evening with you. I really enjoyed the documentary! I’d be very happy to do this again, and I hope you’ll meet me again soon. Enjoy your breakfast!_

_-Steve_

Sato’s frown deepens, and he lets out yet another sigh. His fingers brush over the written words, but then he growls lowly, and throws the notepad to the ground. There’s an annoying tremble in his heart, and he tries to shake his head to get rid of the images that emerge from his memory once again. No, he can’t care about things like that! Not now, at least! With another growl, he throws himself back onto the bed, and curls into a tight ball, closing his eyes. He feels dizzy. Confused, and shaken up, and he hates feeling this way. Yet he isn’t sure how to change it, because things- Things have happened, and he doesn’t know how--

_Are you alright, Sato?_

He shrugs, at first, but then he decides to shake his head. Maybe the AI will understand, even if he himself isn’t sure what is even going on. Maybe he needs help, and he knows he can trust the friendly ghost, if no one else.

_Would you like to tell me what is bothering you?_

Sato hesitates for a moment, but then he reaches out and picks up his notepad and pen again. There is no way around some words, and so he gets to it with a sigh.

**Confused**

_What are you confused about, Sato?_

**Soldier**

_In which way are you confused about Captain Rogers?_

That’s a more difficult question, so he hesitates a few moments. In all honesty, Sato doesn’t really understand what is happening inside of his head, either, which only makes it that much harder to explain it to JARVIS. Still, he knows he has to try, if he wants some help.

**Food planet earth sat and watched and he was nice to me. I feel warmth and he smiled and I feel good. Again? He wants and I wonder and maybe he lied but I’m not sure. He cares I think but I’m scared and he listens and he is lost and he understands? Too careless. Stranger. Can’t forget but maybe I did last night and I’m afraid**

Once again, words fail him, but it gets as close to what he is feeling and thinking as he can currently manage. With another sigh, he holds his notepad up towards the ceiling, and then drops it into his lap. Before JARVIS can start talking again, he shakes his head and scribbles down a few more words.

**No. Don’t need answers. There are no answers. Just lost**

The AI keeps quiet after that, and Sato turns to the side, looking out of the big windows. The sun is shining, and he wonders what the air tastes like right now. Probably not too good, considering how many people are hurrying through the street. The wolf has always preferred the smell of clean, mostly untouched air, as it meant freedom and solitude to him. And back then, he enjoyed those things. Not so much now, he thinks with a bitter smile as he sits upright, pulling his knees up towards his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Then, he turns his head and watches the clouds drift by, wondering about the people who must be walking by the Tower now, and tries to imagine their voices.

_Are you not going to eat your breakfast, Sato?_

He shrugs at that, still staring out the window, and watching the clouds. They used to do that, father and him, and again he feels something twist inside of his heart. Even thinking about father hurts so much more than it used to, and Sato wonders why that has changed. Last night, he was sure all he had to do was reach out and touch him again, in the midst of all the snow and ice they were playing in. It all felt so real... Sato is used to his mind playing tricks on him. It used to happen quite often, back on Lyngvy. Sometimes, he’d see figures moving through the mist, and hear voices that most definitely did not belong to his father. Sometimes, he’d be sure to have woken up from a terrible nightmare, and that he was back in his father’s rooms, curled up against the sorcerer’s chest. And sometimes he’d see-- But no. Most times, he knew it was all a trick his tired, desperate mind played, maybe to comfort him, maybe not. So, it’s nothing new, but it still scared him. To be so completely submerged in his own mind, lost and adrift, with an aching heart... It’s a scary prospect, especially when surrounded by strangers.

_Captain Rogers has asked about your well being. I would very much like to let him know that you are feeling better. Is that alright with you?_

Sato hesitates, but then he nods. Why not? He’s got nothing to lose by simply letting the Soldier know.

_And are you sure you don’t want to eat your breakfast? Considering the amount of time that has passed, you should be rather hungry again by now._

Sato _is_ hungry. And the breakfast smells wonderful, and he can feel his stomach rolling, and hunger gnawing at his flesh already. Still, he is not keen on eating, and so he turns back towards the windows, allowing his mind to drift.

Sato is confused. And as he watches the clouds drift by for a few more hours, he slowly starts to understand why.

Tony told him to stay away from strangers. He has tried to do that, because he believed in what Tony said, and he never had any reason to doubt the man. Sato listened, and he stayed safe. He followed Tony, and he was safe, he was protected, and- Loved. Yes, he was loved, even though it hurts to think about it now, when Tony has left him and he is all alone, surrounded by the people he was told to stay away from many, many times. Sato doesn’t _want_ to act against the rules Tony bestowed upon him, because he is sure that the man wanted to keep him safe. Yet here he is, alone and- Left behind, in a way. Everyone he once loved and trusted is gone, and the strangers are all he has left.

He has broken the rules. He has talked to one stranger- The Soldier. And he has met him, without Tony being present. Sato knows that it was a dangerous thing to do, even though JARVIS had reassured him countless times that nothing bad would happen to him. Nothing bad has happened, and so he is confused. Because strangers were always- Dangerous. Always looking to either hurt or hunt or imprison him. Sato has learned to distrust them through centuries of being chased out of villages, and then centuries of being chained down on Lyngvy. Sato knows better than to trust strangers, even if only for a second. Yet here he is. Still whole, unhurt, and mostly... Safe? He spent hours sitting next to the Soldier, and the man not once attempted to hurt or kill him, not a single time. Even though he is a stranger. Even though he knows that the wolf is weak and mostly human now, he hasn’t so much as raised his hand. Sato doesn’t understand it, doesn’t understand him, and it confuses him all the more.

Was Tony wrong, then? Maybe. But the man seemed to know almost everything, and he was never wrong about anything else. If Tony was wrong about the Soldier-- But no, that’s not... Sato can’t be sure about that. It’s much more plausible that Tony was right, and the Soldier is simply waiting for the right moment to strike. Maybe. But... Sato frowns and licks his lips as he remembers the hours they spent side by side. There was no aggression, no anger. Nothing that gave him any reason to feel endangered, nothing that gave him any reason to run away in fear. He was... Nice. Yes, nice, strange as it might be to think about him that way. And it wasn’t his fault that Sato got lost in his own mind and ran away. And now, he is asking about the wolf’s well being again. Just a few weeks ago, Sato would’ve been sure that it was a question in order to gain an advantage, but he knows better now. If the Soldier was waiting for the right moment to kill him, why wouldn’t he have taken a chance just a few days ago, when Sato felt like he was rotting away, and JARVIS let the Soldier know? No, there is no advantage to be gained through asking about him right now.

So, the Soldier might be... Nice. He might just simply be interested in Sato’s wellbeing, with him bringing food to the door, and exchanging notes. And he seemed genuinely happy to be joined last night. And he talked about his past, about his best friend, and his own experience in this strange, fast, loud world. The Soldier seemed to understand. And maybe, maybe he actually does.

Sato ends up eating his breakfast once night has fallen. JARVIS has told him that the Soldier has cooked dinner for him as well, but hasn’t brought it to his door. He’d be free to pick it up in the kitchen once he feels hungry again.

For now, he is nibbling on his pancakes and nipping on his juice, and looking out of the window, watching the lights pierce through the darkness. It’s quiet once again. The food tastes wonderful, and his stomach seems to welcome the sustenance. He was hungry, after all. Still, he is somewhat lost in his own thoughts once again, although in a different way. Sato wonders about the Soldier, about the fact that he is a stranger, yet hasn’t hurt him, and how he doesn’t understand any of it. He wonders about the warmth he felt, too, and still feels whenever he thinks about the Soldier smiling at him, and how peaceful it felt to sit side by side, watching the caves and forests and mountains. And again, he feels a tug on his heart, gently pulling him towards the door - And towards the solider. He understands that, now. Something is pulling him towards the Soldier, and while he doesn’t understand it, he knows he can’t fight it.

Once his breakfast is gone, he reaches for his notepad again and holds up one of the most used pages.

**Tony.**

He isn’t sure why he asks anymore. It’s not like he expects a different answer now, because he knows- Sato knows that the man is not on his way back. He knows that JARVIS would probably let him know, and- And somehow he feels something new bloom in his chest, something he has never felt when it comes to Tony, not in all the time he has known him.

_Mister Stark is still not reachable and refuses to take any calls. Would you like for me to leave a message?_

It’s anger. Sato recognizes it now. Anger, because he was left behind. Anger, because Tony never explained why, because he left without a goodbye, and never told Sato when he would return, if ever. The wolf shies back from the burning in his chest, in his blood, but he can’t stop it, can’t shake this feeling of _anger_! It’s an ugly feeling, one he doesn’t like, and one he knows he shouldn’t be feeling, but _it won’t go away_. So he sits there, trembling and shaking, his muscles twitching as he clenches his jaws and tries to calm his racing heart. Yes, he is angry, so angry that it hurts, and he hates--

With a shaking hand he reaches for his pen and starts to write.

**Will he come back**

_Mister Stark is still unreachable, and will be for an indefinite amount of time. Once he has taken care of--_

Sato shakes his head, because he has heard it all before. Many, many times, whenever he asked about Tony over the last few months, whenever he was too scared to go to sleep, too lonely, too sad... And it was always the same answer, and it cut down through his muscles and bones to his very core. He has come to hate this answer with all of his heart, and while he knows that JARVIS had no other choice but to tell him what he knew, Sato hated him for saying it, too. Growling lowly, he starts writing once again, hands shaking worse than before.

**Why did he leave**

This time, JARVIS takes a while to answer, and the silence is answer enough, anyway. It hurts, it hurts a lot, because it tells him what he doesn’t want to know, and now it’s too late to stay ignorant. When the AI is just about to say something, Sato shakes his head, writing again.

**Because of me**

Again, no answer, but he doesn’t need one, anyway. He knew, he always knew somehow, and now- Now he knows for sure, because while JARVIS might not be able to tell him everything, he knows that the AI won’t lie when it comes to things like this. Yes, he knows it’s his fault. He knows that Tony left once he understood, once father told him everything, and he--

He hates it all. He hates it all so much that it makes his lungs swell and his teeth itch, and he wants to scream and howl. He hates Tony, for leaving him, for breaking his promise to never go away, to always protect Sato, and he hates him for doing so without uttering a word of true explanation, leaving him in a Tower filled with dangerous strangers. He hates the strangers, too, for scaring him, for crawling into his home and filling it with fear and that feeling of always being watched from the darkness, of never being _safe_ again. He hates the Soldier, too, for scaring him, for confusing him, for reaching out, for making everything so damn complicated, for making him question everything he has come to see as truth. He hates- He hates his father, because he is gone again, and he hates Odin for taking his father away, his uncle, for standing by and watching it all happen. He hates JARVIS, too, for pushing him out of this room, for never letting him rest, for threatening him with strangers breaking his door down should he not cooperate-- But most of all he hates himself. For being what he is, for always being different, for being a monster, dangerous and scary and disgusting to most. For being strange, and scared, and weak, and useless ever since he got here. For being a coward and probably a lost cause, because who would ever be able to fix this mess he has turned into? Sato hates himself, hates himself so much it burns through his entire body, and all of a sudden, his hatred explodes.

He isn’t sure what happens, exactly, but the next thing he knows is that he is tearing at the bandages wrapped around his arms, and JARVIS is talking to him, but he doesn’t listen. Then he growls once more, before burying his teeth in his own flesh again. It’s a familiar feeling by now, and the pain makes him tremble- Not in fear, but in anticipation. Because the anger he feels seems endless, and he knows it needs to go _somewhere_ , and there is no one else but him. Another bite, and he feels the skin break, and blood starts to flow. JARVIS is still talking, but Sato doesn’t listen, biting down harder and harder, as he rubs his other arm against his leg, trying to get those bandages loose, too. It works, and then it’s a blur of biting and scratching, and fresh, hot pain searing up and down both of his arms. The smell and taste of blood fills the room, and he gags a few times, but doesn’t slow down. Instead, he bites down harder, growling and trembling as he vision and mind start to cloud once again.

_I’m afraid these injuries will require stitches, Sato._

JARVIS sounds worried, but the wolf understands. The wounds do look worse than ever before this time around. The bites and scratches are deep, and the bleeding doesn’t stop. In the end, he simply cleans them as best as he can, and wraps them up again. They keep on bleeding, he can tell, and it worries him. But the idea of stitches worries him even more, so he only shakes his head and pads back towards the bed. There, he throws the wet, bloodied blankets onto the floor, and then sits down with a sigh.

He feels better. The hatred has ebbed away just a bit, and the fire in his veins has calmed as well. Sato still feels warm, like there are embers glowing in his flesh, but he no longer feels the need to scream. Calmer, yes, and a bit tired, too. Blinking a few times, he looks over to his discarded notepad and pen. It hurts, because he knows what he wrote, and he remembers the silence that followed his questions. But at least he knows now, for sure this time. And it’s not like it came as a huge surprise, either. Sato always knew, one way or another. Still, it hurts, and he feels his face heat up, and a moment later the tears start to fall. Fat and hot they run down his cheeks, and this time he doesn’t bother wiping them away. Because he knows it’s no use, but he feels his chest constrict, and it- He knows this feeling, and even though he knows it’s not the same, it feels like grief. Like he finally, _finally_ lost someone he loved so much. With a low whine, he allows himself to fall onto the mattress, and curls himself into a small ball, squeezing his eyes shut. And then he cries, cries and sobs and shakes as the tears run down his cheeks and soak the blankets, and he feels like he is suffocating under all this sadness he feels. It’s... Worse, in some ways, worse than it was when he believed his father dead, when he lost his mother that day in the fields, because Tony- Tony is still alive. JARVIS would have told him otherwise, he thinks. But no, Tony is alive, and he wasn’t chained and dragged away. Tony left him, because he couldn’t bear looking at Sato any longer, and that-- It twists something deep inside of his chest, makes him gasp and cry out as he curls into an even tighter ball and struggles for each breath. It hurts so much worse, because this time it’s his fault, more so than the other times, and he wishes he could change things, but it’s too late now. Tony is gone, and he won’t come back, and even if he does, he certainly won’t for Sato. And the wolf cries out, low and pathetic, but he can’t keep his mouth closed. His grief seems to be tearing him apart, and he feels lost and alone and scared, so scared, because he believed... He always believed, in some way at least, that Tony would come back, that things would be alright again, and that he would get a chance to ask all those questions he couldn’t ask for the first few months of their friendship, and now- Now all of that is gone. The future he was dreaming of is gone, and all that’s left is a black hole.

He isn’t sure how much time passes. Hours, maybe days, or weeks. But time passes. It always does, he is sure of it. If it did so on Lyngvy, there’s no way it would stand still in the middle of New York City. So, Sato cries, and time passes, and the tears don’t stop falling for a small eternity, and he makes no effort to brush them away. And at some point he stops crying and blinks his eyes open again.

He is still in the room. Still in the Tower. He is still alone, but it feels different, now. Something has shifted, something has clicked, and while it still hurts so much that he doubts it will ever heal, something... Something has stopped cutting into him, too. It reminds him of his shoulder. Back when it was crushed to pieces. Of course, it has long healed by now, but there are still days when it aches, as if to remind him what happened not too long ago. Yes, it’s healed, and some days he almost forgets about the feeling of bone fragments shifting under his skin. Maybe it will be like this. Maybe it will be like it is with his mother... Maybe he will- No. Sato won’t forget. He knows better, this time around. He knows the price he would have to pay, and it’s simply too high. So, he won’t forget. He will remember, for as long as he lives. No matter how much it will hurt (and it will hurt. He knows it will, and it makes him shudder).

_Are you feeling better now, Sato?_

He nods, slowly, as he pushes himself upright and rubs a hand over his hot face, brushing away a few stray tears. He does feel better, as strange as it seems. He feels... Lighter, and he feels ashamed, but like the hatred, he can’t push the feeling away.

_Would you like to talk about it?_

Sato shakes his head, then reaches for his notepad.

**Thanks. Feel better now sad but lighter and okay. Alone but I understand and know now and I remember and I know grief I can mourn and it feels right. I won’t forget but I know now, I can try and be without it. You are here and I trust you and you care and I still want to try.**

_I’m not sure I entirely understand, Sato._

**Okay you don’t need to. I understand and I feel better. It’s okay I know it is. I know grief and it feels the same.**

The AI doesn’t need to understand entirely this time, anyway. Sato doesn’t want to explain how he knows the feeling of loss all too well. Somehow, it still hasn’t gotten easier over the centuries. But it does feel more familiar now, no longer as overwhelmingly strange and scary. He knows grief, now, and he knows that it hurts, it hurts so much, but he also knows that somehow, he will... He will survive. Even if he is not sure what for, he also knows that there is no other option but to exist right now. And Sato hasn’t lied, he _wants_ to try, even if he isn’t sure where it will lead him. Maybe nothing will come of it, but he is still here, and he doesn’t- He doesn’t want to give up just yet. Sato wants to stay, even if he doesn’t understand why. But he wants to stay.

**Thank you for everything. I got scared but not because of you because of my thoughts and I had to run and get back. Thank you for the food and the stories and the answers and the time it was nice I liked it very much. I still want to try and I want to try with you and I want to watch more planet earth and eat pizza.**

**I’m very sad today I lost something and** **I feel so lost and scared and like my mother died again but worse** **I am tired and I need time. But I want to do it again when I feel better. Thank you for the food it was very good and thank you for waiting and trying. I still want to be your friend and I want to be here. I’m sorry for running away but I want to come back so please don’t leave. I want to come back**

**-Sato**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got some horrible news this week (turns out my second dog also has a fucked up spine, which is just superb), but then I got some great news, too (because it turns out she won't need surgery and will still be able to live a healthy and happy life, anyway)! Which means that I won't spiral into despair just yet :D
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please consider leaving comments or kudos, it'd make me extremely happy ^^
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

Things change once again. Sato can feel something shift around him as he moves through the next days, and he has to hold onto what he knows in order not to stumble and fall over. Change... It can be terrifying. Sato’s life used to be rather static and stable, especially in the earlier days. Even on Lyngvy, change was practically nonexistent, although it was no longer love and happiness, but mist, cold and the crushing feeling of loneliness. Here, on Earth, things move extremely fast, and the wolf has trouble keeping up. Things change, and he has no choice but to hope he won’t end up in a worse place than he was before he decided to leave the room that faithful night not too long ago.

Sato rests, mostly. He sleeps or dozes, and whenever the Soldier leaves food for him in front of the door, JARVIS is kind enough to wake him. The meals provided taste wonderful, though he is too tired to really notice what he’s even eating. Whenever he’s done with it, he barely manages to set the tray aside before he falls back asleep. It didn’t use to be that way, before. Sato remembers being a lot stronger, and being able to endure-- But that is over, now. He is weak and tires easily, and now he needs to sleep for hours on end before waking up again. Then, it’s back to eating, and after that, it’s back to sleeping. In his brief waking moments, he wonders what exhausted him so much. It’s not like they did much. He watched some Planet Earth and shared a meal with the Soldier. It shouldn’t have made him so tired... Still, he has no other choice but rest, and when he wakes up on the fourth day, he feels- Good. Not perfect, but better. Less crushed by tiredness, at the very least. Yawning, he sits up and stretches himself, groaning when he feels his muscles protest and hears his joints pop.

_Good morning, Sato. How are you feeling today?_

He yawns again as he reaches for his notepad, grumbling a little when it takes him a few more moments to locate the pen and put it onto the paper.

**Good. Tired but good and hungry but still good.**

_It is currently nighttime, but Captain Rogers is still residing in the living area. Would you like me to ask him if--_

Sato shakes his head slowly as he bites his lip and looks towards the door. He wonders, once again, as he often does. He wonders if tonight is a good time to leave this room again, to confront the Soldier once again, and maybe... Maybe. Sato isn’t even sure what he is expecting, almost hoping for. But he knows that while he feels his heartbeat quicken at the thought of leaving his bed’s safety, he also feels that gentle tug again, pulling him towards the door. And Sato knows, he _knows_ that he should be thinking about this more carefully, that he should feel a lot more fear and a lot less- He isn’t sure, but it isn’t all that important, anyway. Instead, he tries his best to focus on the insistent tug he feels on his heartstrings, the one that gently pulls him from the bed, towards the door. And he wonders, still, if this is even a good idea - Or a sure way to get hurt, or worse...

_Do you want to meet with Captain Rogers again, Sato?_

He nods after a moment of hesitation, because yes- He can admit that he does. He wants to meet the Soldier again, even though he isn’t sure why exactly. Loneliness... That seems to be the most likely reason. Because he is lonely. And it wasn’t as bad before, because he had his thoughts, and some hope that it’d change soon. Now that he knows that won’t be the case... Things are changing, but they have already changed. And if he knows that he has well and truly been left behind, well- He can no longer comfort himself with the hope that Tony might come back. Which makes him feel lonely, and Sato never dealt all that with that feeling. So, maybe all he craves is company. Maybe it’s more than that, because he craves the Soldier’s company, and not just because he’s the one stranger he has come to know just a little bit. There’s something about the man that makes him feel understood, if only in tiny, almost insignificant ways. But they matter to him, and maybe they matter to the Soldier, too, and maybe he is done thinking and already walking towards the door.

_While I am glad you have decided to meet with the Captain again, I would advise to take a shower first, and change your clothes as well._

Sato rolls his eyes at that and huffs a breath. Humans! He doubts he will ever understand them. Still, he turns around and pads into the bathroom. On his way, he collects a change of clothes, and then starts to shed his old ones. JARVIS has already turned on the water, and the wolf sighs when he steps under the spray, relaxing as the hot water pelts down his tense neck and shoulders. And then he curses when those cursed bandages get drenched a few seconds later. With some grumbling, he tears them apart, lets them fall to the ground. Some of the wounds have been torn open again, and Sato watches as the fresh blood runs down his arms, and paints the water a soft red. Somethings inside of him shudders, and his ears are ringing, and he doesn’t understand... With a shake of his head, he comes back to the present moment, and reaches for the soap. His hands are shaking, but he doesn’t pay it any mind, instead focusing on cleaning himself, while doing his best not to think about what he is about to do.

_Are you feeling alright, Sato? Your heart rate has increased, and your breathing has quickened as well._

The wolf shakes his head once again, then reaches his hand out to write on the tiles.

**Scared. Nervous.**

_I understand, but I don’t believe you have any reason to be afraid. Would you like me to ask Captain Rogers--_

Sato shakes his head, because he doesn’t want the Soldier to know he’s about to come. Even if he will leave this room and confront the man once again, he still prefers to have the element of surprise on his side. Even if it won’t make a difference in the end. With a small sigh, he starts washing the soap off his body, hissing when the open wounds seem to burn under each touch, before stepping outside and reaching for one of the pre-heated towels to dry himself off. When he starts to get dressed in fresh clothes, his movements stutter for a moment when he realizes just how easy it has become. Sato remembers the first days, when he needed JARVIS to explain every single step of the process to him several times, because it all seemed so foreign. Back in Asgard, he never spent all that much time in his human form, and when he did his father would magic clothes onto his body. So when he came here, and when he was turned into a human after all those centuries again, he had to learn it. Seems like JARVIS did a great job, because by now it has become a habit. Sato isn’t sure what he is supposed to think about that.

In a way, it’s a relief. Sato knows he needs the clothes, since it’s still- To him, it always feels cold. He has a feeling that- Well, maybe the Soldier would disagree. Or anyone else, for that matter. The wolf still feels cold, so he needs to wear clothes if he wants to be even a little less uncomfortable. At the same time, he clenches his jaw as he easily steps into his second pair of sweatpants, because this- It doesn’t feel right. It feels as though he is getting further and further away from his true self, from being a wolf, because this is something that wolves most definitely don’t do. Wolves don’t wear clothes. Wolves don’t get cold, since they have a warm, rough fur, and therefore they don’t even need clothes to begin with. Sato needs clothes, and while he’s aware that he’s no longer- He’s still a wolf, but not completely, not as he used to be, and while knowing that already hurts, seeing the evidence is even worse. He has grown a little more familiar with his surroundings, and this entire new life. Sato is rather sure he absolutely hates it.

The hallways are quiet again. Sato wonders why. Usually, the strangers walk through the Tower at any times of the day and the night. Other than most of the people he has met over the course of his life, they don’t keep a rhythm he can entirely decipher and rely on. They don’t keep a regular sleep schedule, and they don’t have all that many daily rituals. The solider likes to leave the Tower every morning for one or two hours, and the archer and the woman often walk towards the elevator during the afternoon or evening, chatting with each other as they take the elevator downstairs, and stay gone for a few hours. When they come back, they are slightly out of breath and smell faintly of sweat, so Sato guesses they are sparring or running or training, something like that. And then there’s the Beast- The doctor, as JARVIS keeps saying. He is even more different to read, shuffling through the hallways, always tense and unsure, and Sato isn’t sure what to think of him and his strange habits.

So now, he wonders why there is no one else moving through the hallway. Then he shakes himself, because this is not the time to think about those things, and he has a feeling he won’t like the answer, anyway. Taking another deep breath, he tightens his grip on the pen and notepad, and starts to walk forward. His body is trembling, and he has to concentrate on each breath, but he keeps on moving. Towards the living room. Towards the Soldier, and why is his heart-- But no. Sato can’t think like that. He needs to concentrate, and not be stupid, because this is dangerous. No matter what he has decided, no matter how things have changed - There is still reason to be wary. Even if he is walking right towards the Soldier, who... Letting out a sigh, he shakes his head once again and forces those dark thoughts down, deep into his brain, because he doesn’t need them. All too soon, he reaches the living room again, feeling his senses wake up and register.

The Soldier is currently in the kitchen, and even though Sato is sure his presence has been noticed a few seconds ago already, he doesn’t turn around immediately. The wolf cocks his head as he does his best to move closer without making too much noise. He isn’t used to people... Ignoring him. Usually, whenever he is seen, people start screaming, hissing, cursing. At the very least, they become alert and attentive, and watch the wolf’s every move. The Soldier doesn’t do that. Instead, he keeps focused on the cutting board right in front of him, and the different kinds of fruit he’s currently slicing up into small pieces. His hand is moving steadily, and there’s- Music, softly playing in the background. Something quiet and- Sato isn’t sure, he doesn’t know all that much about music to begin with. He didn’t care for it on Asgard, and then there was only the kind of music Tony listened to. And the songs Spongebob and his friends sing, but he isn’t sure those count. At this point, he has reached the kitchen area, and the Soldier lowers his knife as he turns to look at Sato.

“Hey, Sato. Are you hungry? I’m making stew again, since you didn’t have any last time.”

The Soldier is smiling once again, his entire demeanor relaxed and gentle. No aggression, no anger, hatred, or anything else. Just like the last time, though Sato still isn’t sure if he’s ready to believe it. Still, he nods at the Soldier’s question, because he is hungry, and he remembers how much he liked stew the last time. The Soldier’s smile grows even wider, and Sato finds himself returning the smile.

“Great. It won’t be too long until it’s ready. Do you want to stay here, or watch some TV in the meantime?”

This time, he doesn’t hesitate before scribbling something down onto his notepad and holding it up for the Soldier to read.

**Stay. Need help?**

“Yes, actually. Could you grab two plates and spoons?”

Sato nods, before slowly walking backwards and scanning the cupboards. Plates... He has never needed to find plates in here, since he was always only focused on quickly getting back to the relative safety of the room he’s staying in. In the end, he simply pulls open a few of the cupboard doors, until he finds them. The Soldier doesn’t comment, but smiles again when the wolf carefully sets them down onto the counter next to the stove. This close, he can smell the stew, and his stomach growls again, biting at his own flesh, demanding sustenance.

“Not much longer. I only need to let it all cook for a little while. The fruit is for the dessert, if you’re interested.”

Sato nods again, although he can’t really focus on dessert right now. His teeth itch, because he can smell the meat cooking in the large pot sitting on the stove, and his stomach feels like it’s tearing itself apart.

“I was getting worried about you again, to be honest. I know that you simply needed a bit of time to sort out your head, but still- Are you feeling better now? Did you- Sort everything out?”

The solider has turned around by now, looking at Sato with attentive eyes. The wolf doesn’t like being watched, and he shies away just a bit. He doesn’t run, though, because he wants- He wants to stay. For some strange reason, because even though he could always return to his bed and hide under his blankets. But he wants to stay. Here, with the Soldier, who is still looking at him with concerned eyes. With another sigh, he takes his notepad and starts writing again.

**Better. Tired and sore and still lost but better. New. Things change, and it hurts, but it needs to. I will be better. I want to be better and I am here. Need time but I want to try.**

“Do you want to talk about--”

Sato shakes his head, because no, he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He has spent the last few days thinking about it all, and that has to be enough. Also, he doesn’t even know how to even explain all the sorrow and grief he feels, and he is not ready to let the Soldier know about any of this, so he shakes his head again and shrugs his shoulders.

“Okay. I get it. It’s not easy to talk about these things. I struggle with that, too.”

**Things change too?**

“For me? Not in the last few days, no. But it’s still- Difficult. We talked about it, remember? About this new world, and I guess- I guess it’ll be a while before I get used to it all. If ever”, he adds with a scoff, and Sato feels dread settle heavily in his stomach.

The Soldier winces a moment later and brushes a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not your job to- Forget it, okay, just forget it. It’s- It’s been a long day, that’s all. But that’s no excuse to say things like that.”

Sato isn’t sure what to make of all of this, so he only takes another step back and cocks his head. He can feel the stress and anxiety radiate off of the Soldier, thick waves of tension filling his head and nose, and he shudders under the pressure of it all. No, he doesn’t want this, even though he-- But no, he doesn’t want to feel it, and he doesn’t want to Soldier to talk about it, and he--

“Sorry”, the man finally sighs, hanging his head as he turns back towards the stove, “I’m really sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. So- Yeah, I’m really sorry, Sato.”

He falls quiet after that, stirring the stew, shoulders hanging low. There is- The anger is gone. The aggression, too, the agitation. There’s only... Sadness. It’s a thick, cold feeling that settles heavily around them, and makes Sato shiver again as he takes a few steps closer. No, there’s no reason to be scared right now, not in this very moment. But he feels... He feels the sadness, the- The grief, the sorrow, and it almost feels like an echo of his own troubles, and so it’s easy to step just a little closer, even as the fear rears her ugly head and hisses at him. Sato doesn’t listen to her this time around, stupid as it may be, and when he finally reaches the Soldier’s side, it’s easy to put out a hand onto the man’s forearm. The wolf can’t suppress the shudder that runs down his entire spine, and he has fight the urge to pull back his hand as the heat burns through his flesh, his bones, everything, down to his very core. Still, he keeps his hand on the Soldier’s arm, and when the man turns to look at him with a surprised expression, he manages a small smile. It’s a quiet moment, and when the not quite pain gets too much, Sato pulls back and shakily writes down onto his notepad.

**Things change. You’re still here. That matters I think I hope.**

He isn’t even sure who he wants to reassure, but once the Soldier has taken a look, he manages a small smile, and some of that heavy, thick sadness lifts off of the man’s wide shoulder’s. Something- Happens, and it matters, Sato is sure of it, even though he can’t say what exactly. It matters, it matters a lot, whatever it is.

“Thanks, Sato. And I- I think things will get better. At some point. I guess I just need a bit more time.”

**Time is strange. Maybe it will help I hope for you. Time takes time but it will come I think.**

“I agree. But I think that’s enough depressing topics. How about we eat and watch some TV?”

Sato nods readily, because his stomach growls again, and the Soldier is quick to take the pot off the stove and start dishing out two generous portions. Together, they carry their plates to the sofa. The Soldier goes back to the kitchen and comes back with two tall glasses filled with water and two spoons, and then- Then they are sitting on the sofa, side by side. Sato wonders how that has happened, in such a short amount of time. He remembers the fear, hissing into his ear, and he remembers not listening to her, no matter that he knew how stupid it was, and he remembers feeling the Soldier’s sadness... And now he’s here.

“Do you want to watch Planet Earth again? We didn’t finish it last time, so if it’s alright--”

But Sato is already nodding his head, looking up at the ceiling and holding up seven fingers.

_Captain Rogers, Sato is suggesting to start the seventh episode now. Would that be alright with you?_

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I don’t mind.”

Sato smiles at that, feeling relief flood his mind, because- He was worried. He wants... He wants the Soldier to enjoy the series, and he wants to be- He wants this evening to be like the first one they spent together. There’s something tugging at his heart again, and it pulls him slightly towards the middle of the sofa, towards the Soldier, and while he resists the urge slide even closer, he is still- Close. His fingers shake when he picks up his spoon. JARVIS has already started the episode, and he spends a few minutes listening to the narrator, watching their flight over the great plains and follow the herds of animals running underneath them. The Soldier has started to eat already, and he’s humming contently as he watches the screen, too.

It takes Sato a while to start eating as well. He spends the first episode alternating between watching the great plains and the Soldier, although he finds that he no longer stares quite as long and intense as he did the first time. Sato also keeps listening for the fear crawling up in his brain again, but she keeps mostly quiet, which is- Strange. She doesn’t usually- She’s here, but she is quiet. Almost as if there’s no reason to be afraid right now. Sato wonders about that, too, but not too long. Once they start the second to last episode, he starts eating, too, and then he’s too busy enjoying his food to think about fear and danger anymore. The stew tastes wonderful - Rich, spicy, still hot and it soothes his dry throat as he swallows. Humming happily.

“Good?”

Sato doesn’t have the time to grab his notepad, so he settles for a small smile and an enthusiastic nod before taking another bite. The meat makes him hum even louder, and he throws a quick glance at the Soldier, because maybe- But the man only smiles and turns back towards the screen, as if there’s nothing bothering him. Sato isn’t even sure what he was worried about. Maybe... Maybe the Soldier wouldn’t have--

“I’m glad you like it, Sato. There’s more if you want a second serving, too.”

The wolf nods slowly at that, and when the Soldier doesn’t continue, he focuses on his food once again. It tastes wonderful, after all, and he’s hungry, and well- He doesn’t want to leave. Sato wants to stay.

By the time the last episode starts, Sato has eaten two big servings of the stew, and his stomach is comfortably full. He feels tired, and a little bit heavy, but he doesn’t mind. Once the food is gone, the Soldier gets up, gathers their plates and glasses, and walks back into the kitchen. Sato keeps his eyes on the man’s back, and he once again wonders why the Soldier dares to turns his back towards him. He wonders if it’s trust, and then he wonders if he deserves that kind of trust to begin with. Maybe he does. But how would he know? Sato doesn’t trust easily, because trust is easily betrayed, and he isn’t keen on repeating those particular experiences. So what if the Soldier actually trusts him? Is that... Good? Sato isn’t all that sure.

“To be honest, I feel like getting dessert. Would you like some, too, Sato?”, the Soldier calls from the kitchen, and it rouses the wolf from his musings.

He struggles into a slightly more upright position and sees the Soldier looking at him from behind the kitchen counter. Although he might feel full, he can’t help but lick his lips at the thought of dessert, and so he nods.

“Alright. I thought we’d mix those fruits I cut up with some yoghurt? But if you don’t like it, I could always order something else.”

Sato thinks about that offer, but then shakes his head, pointing at the bowl the Soldier is holding. Something about the knowledge that the dessert will be prepared by the man himself makes it a lot more appetizing than anything that could be ordered. Again, it’s something that matters, something that he can’t quite explain, but it makes something warm grow in his chest as he watches the man prepare the fruit and yoghurt. Less than a minute later, he comes back towards the sofa, and hands Sato a smaller bowl and a small spoon, along with a glass that’s once again filled with water.

“Here. I hope you like it, too.”

Sato makes sure to smile gratefully at the Soldier, and then nods to let JARVIS know that they are ready to continue the episode. A moment later, it starts once again, and they both settle in, slowly eating their dessert. To his surprise, he finds that he quite likes what the Soldier has come up with. The yoghurt is alright, simple and a bit sweet, and the fresh fruit tastes great, too. He recognizes grapes, apples, oranges, pears and bananas, and he hums to himself as he chews on a few chunks. He feels his body grow just a little heavier, and he allows himself to slide down a little further into the cushions, even though he still tries to keep an eye and an ear out, in case the Soldier moves too fast, or in a way that would give him reason for concern. Still, he knows it won’t be too long until he has to get up and leave, because he is tired once again, and the food in his stomach isn’t helping him to stay awake and alert. But he has time. Not much, but enough to finish his dessert, and watch the last episode of Planet Earth. Once he’s done with his dessert, he puts the empty bowl onto the table and pulls his legs up onto the sofa, curling them under himself as he lets out a sigh. For a very bizarre moment, he thinks about falling asleep right here, on the sofa, by the Soldier’s side. He dismisses it, of course, because there is no way he could ever hope to be--

_Sato, Captain Rogers. Doctor Banner is asking if it would be alright for him to get himself a serving of the stew as well. He is currently waiting in the hallway, awaiting your permission to enter the living room. Would you both be alright to let him enter?_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to seeing a connection that wasn't anticipated!
> 
> Let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

There’s a ringing in Sato’s ears, shrill and cutting and annoying, as it makes it difficult to concentrate on anything else. He knows that he should listen, that he should pay close attention and focus on everything that is happening, but he can’t. Sato also can’t move, as his body seems to be frozen, and his muscles are heavy and tight, and his chest feels like it’s made of stone, unmovable and still. Sato himself is completely still, safe for his heart, which is beating frantically in his chest, as if it wants to break through his ribs and flee. But the rest of his body is still.

Sato also knows that the Soldier is looking at him, eyes clear and full of concern, and then he starts to talk, but the wolf doesn’t hear a single word. The ringing in his ears is simply too loud, and now he starts to shake, too, almost vibrating on the sofa, and his hands clench into fists, teeth biting against each other, and his feels himself tremble from head to toe. All of a sudden, there’s a hand reaching out for him, and he flinches, scurries back against the backrest of the sofa, and the Soldier backs off, raising both hands in a gesture of peace, and Sato- Sato wants to whine, wants to tell him that no, that’s not what he wants, that he is not sure why he moved back in the first place, but it’s already too late, and the monster- The Beast, it’s coming, it’s right there, and now that he concentrates for just a second, he can hear another heartbeat, down in the hallway, so close, so _very close_ , and Sato starts panting, whining and shaking his head as those images flood his mind again- Of his father, being pounded into the ground, the Beast roaring, its enormous body filled with rage and strength, and he shudders again. Because he is weak, weak and _human_ , and there’s that Beast, just waiting outside the room, and if it comes any closer, it will tear him apart!

“It’s alright, Sato. I’m gonna go to the kitchen, and bring Bruce a plate. Just a moment, and-- Okay, okay, okay, easy, I won’t, I--”

And then the Soldier breaks off when Sato stops whimpering and grabs hold of his forearm and holds on tightly. The Soldier’s body heat burns through his flesh, and he wants to let go and shy away, but instead he holds on and digs his fingers into the man’s skin. There’s a hiss, but he doesn’t loosen his grip, and after a while, he feels the Soldier relax right next to him. He can’t allow him to leave. The Soldier needs to stay, because he is- The only barrier Sato has. If the Soldier leaves, he will be alone. He will be... Defenseless. Completely at the mercy of the Beast waiting for him in the hallway- He will be killed, he is sure of it! Sato doesn’t want to die! He wants to live! And he wants the Beast to leave, and the Soldier to stay, and he wants-- And then the Soldier’s other hand comes to rest on his back, between his shoulder blade. A violent shudder runs through his body, and the heat makes the muscles of his back twitch with- And a moment later the hand starts to move, slowly, gently rubbing over his tense back, and Sato can’t help but slump just a bit, because the warmth is seeping into his flesh, into his mind, and brings him back to the present moment. Suddenly, he can suck in a couple of small breaths, and he feels some of the ringing fade as his head clears just a little bit. The Soldier hums next to him as he allows his head to fall forward, concentrating on sucking in air and remaining on the sofa, and not drifting away. He is still here. And he is not alone.

“JARVIS? Could you tell Bruce to come and get his food? We’ll stay on the sofa.”

_Certainly, Captain Rogers._

JARVIS doesn’t ask Sato, and he wonders... But he is too tired to think about it for longer than a moment. He thinks- He has an idea, but it’s a cruel thought, so he discards it quickly. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then there’s the sound of shuffling steps - Coming closer. Sato whimpers, pressing back into the sofa, but he no longer dares to lift his head and watch the Beast move into the living room. He can hear someone take a breath, sounding surprised, and the Soldier’s hand grips him a little tighter, keeping him from floating away.

“It’s alright, Sato. Bruce won’t hurt you. You better hurry”, he adds, now talking into the direction of the hallway, “I don’t think he’s all that- Happy to have you here. Just- Do it quickly, okay?”

There’s no answer, and Sato doesn’t dare to lift his head. Instead, he stares down into his lap, gripping the Soldier’s arm tightly, and focusing on the other hand, still rubbing his tense back in a slow rhythm. It keeps him from drifting off into the darkness, flying away to... Somewhere else. The worlds he’d see back on Lyngvy, when the hunger and loneliness got too much, and he’d float away from the chains and the heather...

“It’s alright, Sato. Bruce is just getting something to eat, and then he’ll go back to his room. Nobody’s going to hurt you, I promise.

_Don’t leave_ , Sato thinks, tightening his grip until the Soldier tenses under his hand, _please, please don’t leave me! Not you, too!_

Because if the Soldier leaves, too... But no, Sato doesn’t dare to think about what would happen then. Instead, he focuses on the steps he can hear move through the living room. The Beast keeps its distance, moving hurriedly, and it makes the wolf shudder. His senses are humming with concentration, and he is flooded with all the information he gains in a matter of seconds - Smell of coffee and tea, clean laundry, ink, the sound of a slightly elevated heartbeat, shuddering breath that’s not his own, shuffling footsteps, and a low curse, the clatter of some plates. He doesn’t allow himself to think about any of it, though. Instead, he focuses on the warmth he feels under his hand, on the slow, steady heartbeat he hears right next to him, the gentle hand rubbing between his shoulder blades, and he thinks that, if he wasn’t despairing with fear right now, he’d be burned right down to his core, and probably fade away, turning into ash.

It takes no longer than two minutes, and then those footsteps move across the room once again. Sato’s ears follow them (and he wishes he could make them twitch into different directions again), and then the Beast steps back out of the living room, into the hallway. And Sato... It’s the curiosity once again, and he curses himself as he lifts his head and looks at the Beast’s back.

It’s... Strange. Not at all what he had expected. Of course, Sato knew that he wouldn’t be faced with the Beast itself, judging by the sounds alone, and he also knew that it wasn’t the Beast residing in the Tower to begin with. It’s still jarring to be faced with- A man. Not even an all that impressive man, just a normal human. Not too strong, not too fast or agile, nothing like the Soldier, the archer or the woman. Sato frowns as he lifts his head just a bit, and looks after the... Man, who is now slowly walking down the hallway, plate filled with steaming stew in his hands, shoulders raised, entire back tense. A moment later, the figure is gone, but it leaves behind a scent- No, not quite a scent, but rather an impression, of a feeling that Sato knows all too well. The wolf has to blink a few times as he rights himself, leaning forward to watch the man go, sniffing the air cautiously, but his first instinctual reaction seems to be right - It really is... That.

“Are you alright, Sato?”

He nods, still looking towards the hallway, and still somewhat lost in his thoughts. This- This is not what he was expecting, and for some reason, it changes... Something. He is not sure, about any of this. But he is still looking at the spot where the man vanished, even as the Soldier reaches up and gently squeezes his shoulder. That’s when he comes back to himself, and turns his head to look at the man, who’s smiling at him.

“Bruce is gone. He wouldn’t have hurt you, I can promise you that. But he’s back in his room now.”

Sato nods again, slowly, as he licks his lips and feels his body calm down. His heart is still beating frantically, but he’s able to breathe again, and his mind starts to clear. Sato shudders when the Soldier’s hand once against brushes over his back, and it’s a strange sensation - He wants to lean into it, yet he also want to run away from any physical contact, since it’s burning, and he wonders if there are already blisters forming on his skin. Still, he can’t bring himself to move away as his breathing slows down and he remembers that he is in the Tower, with the Soldier, and JARVIS, and that the Beast is gone. Breathing a sigh of relief, he feels his muscles relax and something inside of his being shudder and crumble.

“Can you just tell me if you’re- Okay? Just in case you’re--”

Sato nods slowly, tiredly, and the Soldier grows quiet once again. Still, he keeps his hand on Sato’s back, and doesn’t pull away from the wolf’s grip. His other hand has stopped moving, and it’s a good thing, because the wolf is sure he would’ve shied away at this point. As it is, he keeps holding onto the man’s forearm, and takes another cautious sniff. The scent is still there... And Sato doesn’t understand. Or rather, he understands all too well, and he doesn’t like it.

“Would you like to keep watching, then?”

Again, Sato nods, and a moment later JARVIS starts up the episode again. The Soldier is still watching him, he can tell, but his eyes are still fixed on the point where the Beast left the room. Dimly, he’s aware of the narrator’s voice explaining and describing, but he can’t really concentrate on any of the words. He’s still looking down the hallway, and he’s still wondering... About what just happened. Sato is confused, another feeling he doesn’t like. After a few minutes, the Soldier turns towards the screen again. He still hasn’t pulled away from Sato’s grip, and that means something, of course, but the wolf can’t think about that right now. Can’t focus on how good it feels to have his hand burned by someone else’s warmth, how it tethers him to this moment, and how he is not afraid to keep holding on, isn’t scared of being held back whenever he tries to get up and leave, isn’t- No, Sato isn’t scared. He is not happy, either, but he still feels different. Better, in a way, and worse, too. Another curious feeling. But he still doesn’t pull away.

They end up finishing the second series of Planet Earth that night, just as the sun crawls over the horizon. Sato blinks for a few moments when the screen goes black, because he spent the last few hours... Wondering. About things he shouldn’t be wondering about. He’s also still holding onto the Soldier’s forearm, and it hurts, in a strange, bitter way when he finally loosens his grip and pulls his hand back. His fingers tingle, and his palm aches. His mind aches, too, but he pays it no mind. Sato is still to confused, and so he only gets up from the sofa, grabs his notepad and pen, and slowly pads through the room, back into the hallway. The Soldier doesn’t call after him, and so the wolf doesn’t turn back, instead walking as quietly as possible to his door. Once he’s there, he slips back into the room and shuts the door behind himself, before slowly padding towards the bed, where he crawls under his blankets again, curling into himself.

Yes, he feels tired, a bone deep exhaustion that pushes him into the mattress and makes him groan with relief when his body starts to relax after hours of being tense and cramped. Pulling one of the softest blankets up to his nose, he snuggles into his pillow and allows his eyes to slip closed. Sato is tired... But his mind is restless, too, and so he groans again after a few minutes and rolls onto his back. Grumbling lowly, he rubs a hand over his burning eyes and stares at the ceiling with frustration. He wants to sleep. After weeks and months, he actually _wants_ to go to sleep, and yet his mind won’t allow him to do so. It seems cruel, and unfair, because he _is_ tired, he _is_ exhausted, he _wants_ to sleep! But he can’t.

_Is everything alright, Sato? You seem rather agitated._

Sato only grumbles and shrugs as throws the blankets back and sits up again. Since it’s cold (as it always is in this cursed Tower), he wraps two of them around his shoulders as he pushes himself off the mattress, before padding through the room. The sun is still rising, so he settles on front of one of the massive windows, leaning his side against the cool glass.

It’s... Quiet. A different kind of quiet and silence than he has come to expect. Sato usual spent most of the nights lying awake, sometimes crying, sometimes begging for help, but always listening to the quiet, and the lack of sound. It calmed him, as well as made something deep inside him ache, because it only told him what he always knew - That some things were missing. No one lives in a world without sound, there is always some resonance, and when there’s not, something is gone, something important, something that makes his heart crumble and his mind sing desperately. The silence now is different. It’s... Nice, and Sato finds that he no longer minds. And so, he rests his head against the window and watches the sun rise over the city.

_Is there anything bothering you, Sato?_

The wolf nods at that, slowly but without hesitation. There is no reason to keep his thoughts from the AI, and maybe- Maybe it will even help? Still frowning, he reaches for his notepad and pen, before starting to write something down.

**Confused**

_What are you confused about?_

It’s... Difficult to put it into words, mostly because Sato knows he shouldn’t be thinking about it. There is more than enough reason to be scared and keep away from... All of this. But his thoughts won’t be quelled, and so he is still awake, watching the sun rise, watching the city wake up and stretch itself towards the sky.

**Beast**

_Are you referring to Doctor Banner?_

Sato nods, with some hesitation this time around, but nods nonetheless. There might be reason for fear, but there’s no reason to keep any of his worry from JARVIS. He trusts the ghost, after all, and he even hopes that he might find help.

**Was different didn’t expect. No Beast. A man. Don’t understand.**

_You weren’t expecting to be met with a regular human being instead of the Beast you were so afraid of?_

**Yes**

_Are you aware of the Doctor’s condition?_

Yes, Sato knows... In a way. He knows that there are two creatures residing in that one small body, one of them too powerful to be contained by mere flesh, skin and bones. Still, he can sense its presence, knows it’s never further away than just underneath that thin skin, and that’s the reason he shouldn’t even be thinking about either of them to begin with.

**Two creatures. Just a man tonight and I wonder. He was different from what I expected. Confused.**

_The Doctor spends most of his life in the--_

Sato shakes his head, because he doesn’t want to hear it. There’s something... Wrong about learning things like that about someone breathing a few rooms down. He doesn’t want to know, or he does, but he’d rather... But it can’t be the same as it was with the Soldier. Right? Because even back then, he didn’t want JARVIS to tell him everything. He wanted the Soldier to tell him himself, because that made a difference, at least for him, and he hasn’t regretted that decision to this day (Maybe he will, one day. Sato fears that day, and yet he suspects that it will come. Then why doesn’t he stay away, if he’s so sure about having to pay for it in the near future?). With another frown, he starts scribbling again.

**Not what I expected.**

_So you were surprised by his appearance?_

Yes, in a way, but it’s also not what has been troubling him. And once again, Sato finds that it’s not his thoughts that are troubling him, but his feelings. Or rather, what he felt, and what the Beast felt. In the end, he sighs and then proceeds to write down what has been keeping from going to sleep, what has been keeping him restless.

**He was sad.**

_How do you know that, Sato?_

**Smelled it felt it saw it know it. Hard to explain. But I know. He was sad.**

_And that confused you? Why, Sato?_

He isn’t sure how to answer that. Yes, that’s what confused him, but why? He doesn’t know. Maybe because he didn’t expect the Beast to display any other emotion than anger and hatred. Of course, Sato knows that there are two creatures, and he also knew that the human, the man he just saw... There was something else but the rage he’d witnessed a few weeks ago, on the bright TV screen, with tears in his eyes and shaking with fear and desperation. But tonight... He _felt_ the man’s sadness, thick and bitter and crawling into his own mind, squeezing his heart. He felt sadness, and grief, and a slight hint of despair, too, and then felt an echo in his own existence, and that- That scared him, and confused him, too. Because he is not supposed to think and feel like that. Not when it comes to the Beast.

_Why do you think Doctor Banner was sad tonight, Sato?_

Sato shrugs, because- He doesn’t want to, but he can’t help but wonder about that, too. He has an idea, but he won’t go down that path. It’s a dangerous thought, after all, and a dangerous path to go down, and he shudders as he pulls the blankets a little tighter around his shoulders, curling his cold toes against the floor. The sun is still rising, and now there are people walking down on the street, and once again, he takes a few moments to imagine their voices and thoughts and lives. It’s a dizzying experience, and Sato knows how easy it’d be to get lost in a all the things he can make up about those strangers.

**He is alone**

_Are you talking about Doctor Banner?_

**Alone. Sad. Lost, too?**

_I’m afraid I won’t be able to answer that question. Maybe you should ask Doctor Banner himself?_

Sato scoffs at that and shakes his head. No, he won’t do that. Even if he survived being in the same room as the Beast, there’s no way he’ll confront that creature, not as long as he wants to stay alive! But still, he wonders. He wonders for a long time, watching the sun rise and the city be filled with life again, watches the cars and bikes and and everything else move along the lanes, and he watches all those humans go about their daily business, and he thinks about their lives and he thinks about what the might be wondering about, and every other minute, his thoughts drift back to the Beast, and the sadness he felt echoing in both their hearts.

Sato knows a lot about loneliness. He knows what it feels like, that sharp, cutting pain that leave a dull ache in his chest, and he remembers the way he’d cry, back on Lyngvy, cry and cry and cry to the skies, begging for someone to come for him, if only to spend a few hours by his side, so that he could be sure he wasn’t the last creature still alive in this cursed realm. And he knows that his father... Father used to be lonely, too, even when he was surrounded by other people, by his own family. Sato knows he was able to chase away that loneliness, and he knows- He knows that he doesn’t do well feeling lonely, either, and that it has been stripping him to his very core over the last few weeks and months. So yes, Sato knows a lot about loneliness.

The Soldier is lonely, too. His loneliness is different, though. It’s not as deeply ingrained as what the wolf feels, much fresher and not- Not as well worn. But the Beast... His grief, his sadness, his loneliness seem familiar, for both of them, an old companion, a shadow that has followed them silently into the Tower, and has been sleeping under their beds ever since. It makes them- Alike, in a way. Which is a dangerous thought, because Sato doesn’t want to be anything like that creature, and yet he can’t help but wonder... He shudders and curls into himself, pulling the blankets around himself and rubbing a hand over his burning eyes. He shouldn’t be thinking about any of this, but he also knows it’s too late to stop now. Curiosity... It’s something that has broken his back more than once, so why should he indulge in it once again?

_It is getting rather late. Do you think you will be able to go to sleep now, Sato?_

The wolf nods with a sigh, because his eyes are falling closed already, and he knows he can’t stay awake forever. Grumbling to himself, he gathers up his blankets and then pads towards the bed. There, he crawls under the mountain of blankets and curls into himself, yawning and snuggling down into the mattress, pulling a couple of blankets over his head and thereby creating a safe, warm cocoon. Yawning again, he fumbles for his notepad again, searching for one of the well-used pages.

**Story?**

_Of course, Sato. What would you like to read today?_

**Lord of the Rings?**

_It would be my pleasure, Sato._

The wolf sighs as the AI starts to read him a new story, burying deeper into the blankets and sighing as his cold skin slowly grows warm again. It’s a new tale, and he tries his best to listen, because he wants to remember it all, and he wants to one day be able to tell the Soldier what he liked best about it. He hasn’t forgotten. Sato doesn’t forget all that much. He has come to understand that it’s important to remember even the smallest details, because one can never know when things... Are gone.

_Fenrir dreams again._

_He is on Lyngvy, and Gleipnir is biting into his flesh. There’s blood dripping down into the heather, and he feels his heart beat frantically in his chest. His lungs feel pierced through and useless, as though they’re filled with holes, and he can’t breathe. And Fenrir is tired, too, so very tired, and exhausted, and... Lonely. It’s different tonight. He doesn’t feel the overwhelming urge to bite into the fetters, to tear them apart, even if it means biting off his own legs. Instead, he only lets out a sigh and drops his head, letting it hang low as he watches the blood drip from his snout, down into the heather. The smell makes him gag, and the sword digs into his maw, and he wants to cry. But he doesn’t, because he knows that Odin is watching, and he won’t give him that pleasure. No, Fenrir doesn’t cry, but rather closes his eyes, shuddering in the cold, in the mist that is already crawling into his mind again, making him slow and heavy, and quieting any thoughts of hope and dreams and memories._

_He remembers this feeling, and he remembers the days he felt this way, too. Those were the worst days, as they made him wish for things to... End. Darkness, thick, slick and seeping into his brain, making him think about- The end. About how he could maybe, just maybe leave all of this behind, how he could finally be free, and he remembers wishing to finally be free, even if it meant..._

_There’s a sound. Fenrir’s ears twitch, and he blinks. There are no sounds on Lyngvy. There’s is only silence, and the mist, and the smell of heather biting into his nose. But there it is again, and now Fenrir lifts his head, and looks around. The mist has lifted, if only just a bit, just enough so that he can see that he is not alone. He is not the only one chained down to the ground. The Soldier is there, too. His blue eyes are cast down, shoulders slumped, as he stares into the heather. There’s none of his warmth, no gentle smile, no concern, nothing but sadness and sorrow as he stares far, far away. Fenrir woofs, and flinches when the sword digs a little deeper into his maw, but then he woofs again. The Soldier doesn’t react, doesn’t even appear to have heard him. Fenrir whines, and he shudders when the Soldier doesn’t look up. This- It scares him. Because the Soldier used to be so different, and now he’s- Gone. There is nothing left of what Fenrir has come to... There’s nothing left. The wolf shudders again, and he has to avert his eyes, and then he sees it._

_The Beast. He is here, too, chained to the ground. Shoulders slumped, face slack, eyes dull and empty as he stares to the ground, trembling. Fenrir frowns, and he cocks his head as he wonders why the Beast hasn’t appeared yet, why the man is still here. The wolf might be terrified by the thought, but he knows that that creature would be able to tear Gleipnir apart, to free itself and leave this cursed island. Yet he’s still here, staring listlessly at nothing, and Fenrir can feel the darkness wrapping around the man’s mind. Whining again, he lifts his paw - And immediately flinches back when the fetter cuts into his flesh, deeper and deeper, until he sets his paw back down. The Beast doesn’t react to his barks, either, and after a while he watches the trembling form slump further and further, until his head hangs low, as if asleep. But Fenrir knows that there’s no restful sleep to be found on Lyngvy, only a grey, disturbing kind of doze that drains even the last bit of energy anyone might have left. So the Beast isn’t sleeping, but rather sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. It’s a bizarre image, and shakes something inside of Fenrir, and so he barks again, ignoring the biting pain in his maw as much as he can, and then he does it again, and again and again and again, but there’s no reaction. The wolf can feel his heart pound against his ribs, and breathing becomes more and more difficult, and then he feels it - The darkness, clouding his vision, biting at his bones, wrapping around his throat, dragging him down, down and down and down, into the heather, and Fenrir tries to fight it, tries to tear Gleipnir apart, but he’s too weak, and the darkness is too strong, and all too soon, he’s gone._

Sato wakes up with a gasp, but otherwise he stays quiet. Shuddering, he curls into himself, pulling one of the blankets to his mouth, so that he can bite into the soft fabric. His teeth are tingling, and his muscles feel strange- Brittle and easily breakable, and so he doesn’t dare to move. He doesn’t want to, anyway, because other than his usual nightmare, this one doesn’t make him feel like screaming, like running and jumping against the walls, through the windows, to scratch and bite and tear open... But not this time. This time, he feels something open in his chest. A black hole, that swallows every last bit of hope and happiness he has managed to hold onto, and he curls into an even tighter ball, squeezing his eyes shut. Loneliness, sadness and grief. He knows all of them, but that doesn’t make them any less overwhelming.

Sato lies awake for hours afterwards, trying to breathe slowly and deeply, and watching the pain ebb away with every passing moment. Time grows slick and cool, and he lets it wash over him, drifting in and out of this moment, and he listens to the sounds of footsteps in the hallway, in the floors above and underneath the one he’s currently hiding away on, and he tries not to think about the dream too much. It’s no use, anyway, since he already understands.

There is a lot of loneliness residing in this Tower. And he might not be the only one being drowned in the darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: I'm very sorry about this chapter.
> 
> TW for flashbacks and self harm. It won't be pretty, so please be careful!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

It takes a few days until Sato dares to leave the room and join the Soldier once again. He isn’t entirely sure what keeps him hiding under his blankets, listening to JARVIS’ voice as the AI reads _The_ _Fellowship_ to him, only getting up to gather whatever the Soldier sets in front of his door. He gets a rice dish, which is called risotto (it fills him for a few hours and tastes deliciously), grilled chicken (which makes him growl and shudder whenever he digs his teeth into it), baked potatoes and a noodle dish with a wonderful sauce that makes him hum contently. Still, he doesn’t pay the food as much attention as he usually would. He is too busy thinking - Thinking about all those new ideas about... Everything.

Sato thinks about the Beast. He doesn’t- Well, he barely knows anything about it, or the man sharing a body with it. Still, he doesn’t ask JARVIS for any information, because... Why doesn’t he ask? Because it feels- Wrong, in a way, the same way it did with the Soldier. It shouldn’t be the same, not when it comes to the Beast. Then things should be entirely different, and yet they aren’t. Sato wonders about those two creatures, and the longer he thinks about it, the more the fear ebbs away. In the beginning, the mere thought of the man’s shuffling step is enough to make him tremble. After a few hours, he no longer starts to tremble, and after the first day, he manages to simply watch his thoughts wander around the Beast’s appearance, no longer feeling all that much fear. There’s some caution, of course, but the fear- She’s gone. Hiding, he thinks, because she is never completely _gone_ , but she isn’t whispering into his ears right now. And so Sato wonders.

He thinks about the Beast. Mostly. But he also thinks about monsters. He thinks about all those people who called _him_ a monster, and that- Something inside of him cracks, and he doesn’t like that feeling at all. And so, he shudders and curls into a small ball, pulling the blankets over his head and dozing off. Sleep won’t come to him, so he is left dozing fitfully, jerking away every other hour, and the faces of the screaming villagers float up into his mind, spitting and hissing at him. And then, it’s back to thinking again, about their anger and hatred, and how he’d cower under their glares and crawl back into the forest.

_“Do not think about them, my sweet pup”, his father mutters, carding a hand through his fur, scratching behind the wolf’s ears, “they are fools for judging you so harshly. And they are fools in all other regards, too. Do not listen to fools, Fenrir. Nothing good will ever come of it.”_

_The wolf whines and pushes his massive head into his father’s chest, closing his eyes as he relaxes under the sorcerer’s gentle caress. Once again, the villagers have chased him away - Or rather, they screamed and ran off, and the wolf had crawled back between the trees, hiding in shame. He hadn’t meant to for them to be so scared, but he’d seen a couple of children play in the fields surrounding the village, and he’d- Fenrir had wanted to join them!_

_“Pay them no mind. They are scared because they do not know any better. Simple minds will always be terrified by anything they do not know. And you are something they do notknow.”_

_Fenrir whines again, but his father shushes him as he leans back against the tree, pulling the wolf’s head into his lap. Then, he proceeds to card both hands through Fenrir’s fur, scratching behind his ears and tugging on them whenever he feels the wolf’s mind drift away from this very moment._

_“If they dared, they would treat me much the same”, the sorcerer murmurs, voice bitter and cold, “they fear me, too, because they can feel that I am different, just as you are. Fools, all of them, too stupid to understand anything but their small, insignificant lives. They will never understand, Fenrir, so you would do better to simply ignore them. Nothing good will ever come from getting close to those cretins.”_

_Fenrir listens to his father anger and resentment, and he shudders at the bitterness in his voice. And he wonders if the sorcerer truly means what he’s saying. He knows that his father would never lie to him, but he’s also come to understand that there’s a different between lying and saying things one wants to believe with every fiber of ones being. He is not so sure if it’s the case this time- Or all the other times they’d talked about this._

He wakes again, and thinks about the Beast. If it ever sat at the edge of a village, watched the children play, and wanted to join - Only to be chased away by angry voices and flaming hatred. All of a sudden, the last of the fear slips away, and he feels something ache inside of his chest. Quickly, he shakes off the feeling and throws back the blankets.

_Good morning, Sato. How are you feeling?_

The wolf only shrugs as he gets out of bed and pads through the too cold room, and into the bathroom, shivering and grumbling. There, he quickly sheds his clothing and gets under the hot water spray. His skin aches and he hisses when the water hits him. It’s been a while,and he knows it all too well. Shuddering, he pushes himself even further under the scalding spray, sighing as his tense, coiled muscles start to relax, rolling his shoulders, cracking his neck and stretching until his joints pop. This body... He no longer resents it quite as much, but that’s mostly due to the fact that he has understood that he’s stuck in this form for the foreseeable future, and he understands that it won’t do him much good to hate it as much as he used to. Still, it feels... Wrong. Sato can’t help but cringe at most of his movements, as they tend to feel mechanical, unnatural, and too slow. Yes, he still hates this form, this body, sometimes more, sometimes less, but no matter how much he manages to suppress the hatred, he never feels truly at home. He feels like a stranger, in his own body.

_Would you like to tell me what you’re thinking about, Sato?_

**Monsters**

_What kind of monsters are you thinking about?_

**Me**

_Do you believe yourself to be a monster, Sato?_

**Sometimes maybe I don’t know. But I wonder**

Sato used to wonder a lot about these things. About monsters, and about wether or not he was a monster, after all. He never used to think of himself as one. Sato knew he was a wolf, and he was his father’s son, and his mother’s- He was a wolf, and nothing else mattered. But when other people started to hiss, to scream and flee the moment they saw him... They made him wonder, because he could sense their fear and their hatred, and he wondered what had caused it. And soon enough, he understood. _He_ was what caused their fear, their despair, their anger, and why? Because they believed him to be a monster. And no matter how many times his father tried to reassure him that they were wrong, that they were simple too stupid to understand - He still wondered. And he never stopped, not for the rest of his life, not until this very moment. Sato knows that he would never hurt anyone if it wasn’t to save his own life, and he knows... He knows that he is not _cruel_. But he wonders of there’s more to it than just that. Because he has seen monsters, and they weren’t- It wasn’t about the way they looked. It was more about the way they slaughtered his mother, and all the other wolves, for no reason at all.

_Fenrir is shaking. The smell of blood is everywhere, filling his nose and lungs, making him gag and spew onto the soiled ground. His fur is drenched in blood, too, and there’s a ringing sound in his ears he has never heard before. The wind is gone, and the fields lie barren, still and silent, as if time has stopped. And Fenrir waits, waits with his heart pounding against his ribs until they ache, waits for time to start again, and to- To wake up from this nightmare, in his father’s bed, with father whispering into his ear, urging him to wake up from his terrible, terrible dream._

_But nothing happens. He is still here, cowering under the trees at the edge of the fields they were resting in, his ears are ringing, and he feels a cold, painful awareness claw at his mind. This- This is not a dream. He is awake, and he has just- They came, and they-- Fenrir gags again, and there’s blood dripping from his fur, and it’s not his own, it’s-- And again, he spews, shudders and shakes, and squeezes his eyes shut, urging himself to wake up, to just wake up from this terrible, terrible dream! But he doesn’t wake. He is still here, he is alone, and there’s blood covering his flank and seeping into his snout, and there’s no one to tell him to wake up, no one but him. He is awake. This is no dream. He is here, and they are gone, and they left- They killed, oh gods, they killed- They killed--_

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Sato jerks awake, shaking his head, shuddering and gasping for breath. He’s back, back in the Tower, under the hot water spray, and he knows that, he knows it- And yet at the same time, his mind is jumping from this very moment and that night, that one night-- That one night he doesn’t want to remember, and so he lifts his hand, curls it into a fist, and strikes. His knuckles hit the cool, wet tiles, and it hurts, the pain bright and hot and biting, and for a moment the smell of blood fades into the background, and he remembers himself. Then, the moment passes, and the high grass hits his snout, and blood is dripping from his flank, and he can hear their howls, their pain filled screeches as the swords drive into-- So he strike again, and the tiles crack, and JARVIS is talking, but Sato doesn’t listen. Instead, he strikes again, and again and again and again, and the tiles crack and break and crumble, and his knuckles do just the same. There’s blood, and this time it makes everything just so much worse, so he strikes harder, with both hands, until his bones are vibrating with the force he puts behind every blow, and JARVIS is still talking, louder now, voice urgent, but Sato doesn’t listen, as he keeps on punching the tiles. There’s that ringing sound in his ears again, and it makes his head spin, and his stomach clenches as he gags, and he takes a moment to throw up into the drain, before attacking the wall once again.

Time seems to stand still and he sobs, because it makes him remembers that limbo he was floating in, and so he strikes and gasps and focuses on the pain he feels, as it keeps him from drifting away, from _remembering_ , because he tried so hard to forget- It can’t come back now! Whimpering, he bites his lip until it starts to bleed again, and then spits out the blood, before striking again. JARVIS has stopped talking by now, and Sato hates him for that, hates him for the silence he allows to seep back into the room, and for once in his life he wishes for noise piercing his ears, he wishes-- The music, he wants the music, the one Tony was always listening to, wants it to blare through the room, the entire Tower, and he wants it to make his heart pound, and he wants to listen to the man sing along. That wish is bright and burns through his heart, and he cries out and pitches forward, hitting his head against the cracked tiles, and again, and again, and again, and again. After the fourth time, the pain gets too bright to ignore, and he stumbles back, cradling his head in both hands. There, he stands still under the hot water spray, sobbing and holding onto his head, because he fears that it will split apart if he doesn’t keep a tight hold of it. The image of his skull breaking apart and falling to the ground like shards of a glass vase is startling, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut and grab onto his hair and pull until it brings tears to his eyes.

_Sato. You are severely distressed and hyperventilating. You need to slow your breathing and calm down as much as possible, or you will pass out in less than a minute._

Sato is listening, and he understands, but he can’t. His vision is clouding, and his chest feels like it’s filled with cold earth and wet stones, dragging him down. With another whine, he crumbles to the ground, back hitting the wall, and then he curls into himself, trying to keep it all inside, to not let his very being spill out into the shower he’s currently hiding in, and he cries, cries in fear and pain, because there is a black hole opening in his chest and it swallows every last shred of hope, every bit of warmth and happiness, and Sato cries - Cries for his father, for Tony, for his mother - For anyone to come and save him, to keep him from being swallowed by the darkness, to keep him from simply disappearing completely. But, of course... Nobody comes.

_“My sweet pup... Sh, calm down, calm down, my little wolf, it’s alright... I am here... You are safe, I promise. No one will come to hurt you, no one will dare to even come near you. And I will watch over you, for as long as I live. I promise, Fenrir, I promise.”_

_Father never lied to him, and Fenrir remembers, even now, as he shakes and trembles in his father’s hold, trying to cling to the sorcerer’s warm, familiar form, as his mind stays numb and cold, eyes dead - DEADDEADDEADDEADDEADDEADDEAD - as he stares at nothing. He doesn’t remember how he got here, how he made it back to the golden palace, but his father- His father is here, and the smell of death is mostly gone, only remaining in the blood that is still dripping from his fur. He gags again, and spews onto the ground, and yet his father holds him close, doesn’t let go, and keeps on whispering into his ear._

_Father never lied, so he- He must be safe. Shuddering again, he closes his eyes and tries to... Forget. To forget what he saw that night, and while he knows that those images will never truly be erased, he does his best to bury them as deep as he can, pushing them down into the depths of his mind, never to be seen again._

**I remember. Mother. They killed her. Killed them all. One night in the fields. Storm so we didn’t hear them then it was too late so many warriors so many swords. They all died. I saw it but I forgot but I remember now.**

_I am very sorry, Sato. Would you like to talk about that night?_

Sato nods, but then his hands come to a halt. How... How would he ever articulate everything that happened that night? How could he ever make JARVIS understand what happened? And he thinks about those cries and screams of pain and anger and desperation, and the sounds of flesh being cut from the bones, and those bones shattering and crumbling, muscles being torn, and-- Sato gags again, pressing a handover his mouth as he breathes heavily, shaking to the core. And JARVIS is talking again, but the wolf can’t listen as he pants, biting the palm of his hand until the flesh tears.

_Sato, you are displaying signs of a panic attack. It is advised that you try to calm you breathing, and focus on--_

He shakes his head as he grips his pen tightly, scribbling something down.

**No. Help. Someone please**

He isn’t sure what he is asking for, but he realizes that he himself won’t be enough to keep from floating away. Sato knows that he was never- _Enough_ , not on his own, and it is no different today. And as inconvenient as it might be right now, he knows that he can’t be alone. He needs... Someone. And since none of the people he wants are here right now, there’s only--

_Captain Rogers is currently residing in his room. Would you like to ask him to meet you in the living room?_

It’s different- Asking for things. He hasn’t done that all that much in the last few... Centuries. But it seems there is no other way right now, and so he nods as he pushes himself to his feet, breathing deeply as he grips his notepad and pen tightly and starts to pad through the room. It’s still difficult to breathe, difficult to even move, but the thought of the Soldier’s eyes, his warmth and presence forces him forward.

_The Captain has agreed to a meeting, and is already walking towards the living room._

Sato nods again, pulling the door open and stumbling into the hallway. Distantly, he remembers that he didn’t even ask about any of the other residents, but he can’t bring himself to care. Slowly, on weak, stumbling legs, he makes his way towards the living room area.

_Soldier, Soldier, Soldier..._

He wonders why his heart is beating in that particular rhythm now, and why there’s that tug on his heart again, pulling him towards--

_Soldier, Soldier, Solider..._

But his head seems to be filled with fog, and his muscles are made of old, brittle wood, joints filled with sand and pebbles. He staggers, forces himself to take a deep, deep breath, and shakes his head as he puts a hand onto the wall, in case he stumbles again. It’s been a long, long time since he last didn’t feel like he couldn’t trust his own body. But then again, this- Is this really his own body? He knows it is, and yet, he can’t be sure. He never felt at home in it, after all, and he wonders... He wonders wether or not it actually belongs--

“Hey, Sato. JARVIS told me- Are you okay?”

Sato blinks a few times, and something inside of him tightens at the concern he hears in the man’s voice. There he is, the Soldier, looking at him with wide, attentive eyes, and then he’s already walking closer, reaching out. The wolf flinches back, and he comes to a halt, one hand still outstretched. Sato waits, with a pounding heart, and then he slowly shakes his head, because why should he lie? Even he knows that no one would believe him, anyway.

“What’s wrong? Can you- Can you tell me?”

Again, Sato shakes his head, because how could he? Words were never his strong suit, and the Soldier - He might understand, but Sato’s hands are shaking so badly that he doubts he’d even be able to write down a single sentence. Whining, he shudders under the feeling of helplessness, because it’s such an ugly sensation.

The Soldier nods slowly, and then he lowers his hand, gesturing towards the living room.

“How about we go to the kitchen, hm? We can get something to drink, and I could prepare us a small dinner?”

Sato feels himself nods, and then the Soldier is already turning around, walking through the living room, towards the kitchen. The wolf follows him, although his feet feel heavy and his head is empty, and at the same time filled with all those memories he wanted to burn a long, long time ago. A disturbing feeling, to say the least. Still, he manages to follow the man, slowly and carefully making his way through the empty room. The man has already filled a glass with water, and sets it down on the counter with a small smile. Sato doesn’t even try to offer one of his own, instead trying to pick up the glass without spilling too much. He manages, mostly, and takes a few sips. The cold water seems to drive needles into his teeth, and for a few seconds his mouth seems to be locked in place, held tightly in this moment, as the rest of his body is still tingling and fluttering in another dimension. Yet another disturbing sensation.

“Are you okay? Are you- Hurt?”

Sato is trembling, and he isn’t sure he still remembers how to nod or shake his head. All he can do is set the glass back down and stare at the counter top, because his head is hurting and his chest is tight, and is sure he has made a mistake, but he can’t pinpoint when and where and how exactly.

“Is there anything I can do for you? Anything to- Is that blood?”

Sato flinches again, and quickly pulls his hand back. The Soldier is staring at him with wide, concerned eyes, and then those eyes dart back to his hand. And that’s when he remembers- And did he really forget? About his cracked, bloodied knuckles, and the pain that’s already ebbing away. Did he really forget...?

“Did you get hurt?”, the man asks now, walking around the counter, and Sato takes a few steps back, “JARVIS didn’t say anything about that. What happened?”

The wolf suppresses a small whine, taking a few more steps back, stumbling. No, he didn’t- He didn’t want this, he didn’t plan on this! By now, he isn’t even sure what he was hoping for, what he thought would happen, but not- Not this! And yet the Soldier doesn’t stop, doesn’t back away, and Sato doesn’t like that, he doesn’t like it at all!

“Can I see? I think those might need to be cleaned, and bandaged, too. They look pretty nasty, are you--”

This time, Sato actually whines, because he’s getting too close! Biting his lip, he keeps walking backwards, eyes darting through the room as he tries to think- But thinking won’t work right now, as he shakes and trembles, and so all he can do is _feel_. And he feels fear and anger and that ugly feeling of helplessness, because he is still mute and alien and lost-- And then the Soldier comes even closer, and Sato can’t stop himself from turning around, ready to run.

“Sato- Sato, wait--”

Something closes around his wrist, and a jolt travels through the wolf’s entire body. Time stops again, and he hears swords crash against bone, hears his mother scream and the other wolves howl, he smells blood and feels it rain down onto his fur, and the clink of chains, feels the fetter cut into his flesh, and the pain, the pain the pain the pain THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN--

He screams, then, loud an desperate, and pulls, and the fetter holds tight, so he throws himself against it, and it gives, it gives, and he’s free, free again, and the pain is tearing through his body, and he screams again, and then he runs. Someone is calling out, but he doesn’t hesitate, because he can hear the sound of hoofs and swords and axes and shields, and the soldiers running after him. Arrows, arrows whizzing by, digging into his flesh, cutting through his muscles, making him fall, hit the ground and groan, before he struggles upright, and runs again, runs and runs and runs, and the howling, that howling and the screaming and they are laughing as they slaughter them, slaughter them all! Fenrir runs and runs, hitting walls and falling to the ground, struggling upright, crawling, all the while crying and calling out, for whoever might hear him. There’s a door- The door? It appears out of nowhere, and he crawls towards it, lame and crushed as he is, and then he fumbles for the handle and pushes it open. He closes his behind himself, and there he lies, on the ground, breathing heavily.

Voices, so many voices filling his head, talking, asking, demanding, ordering, screaming, and he shakes his head, covers his ears, and when that doesn’t help, he smashes his head against the ground. Once, twice, three, four, five times, until the pain shoots through his skull, until he can smell blood--

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOODBLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD 

And it fills his nose, his lungs, his head, and he gags and throws up, spitting as his muscles cramp, and then he’s gasping for breath once again. There’s a voice talking to him, loud and cutting, but he can’t listen, because it might be those monsters, those soldiers coming for him, and he feels that hammer coming down on his shoulder, and he crumbles again. Bones, shifting under his skin, grinding against one another, and he gags again as the pain grows bright and fiery. He’s broken, he’s broken and useless, and they are coming, they are coming for him, and they will kill him, and cut off his head and hang it behind the old King’s throne and there he will stay until the end of time... Whimpering, he struggles upright, shaking his aching head, trying to remember. He’s here... He’s in the- Tower? Is he? He is, he knows, but at the same time- He’s in the fields again, and there’s no wind, there’s only silence, and he knows, he _knows_ what will happen, what will happen in this cursed night, and so he runs, and hits a wall, and then he growls, pulls his hand back and strikes.

Pain, and he sighs, pulls back and strike again, and his knuckles split open, blood starts to flow, and red flowers start to bloom on the white wall, and he strikes again and again and again, with both hands, and the wall cracks under his blows. There’s pain, and it’s bright, and yes, it all hurts, but it’s- It’s not enough. Because he still sees those fields, and he still feels Gleipnir bite into his flesh, and he’s back- Lyngvy, back on Lyngvy, and he cries out, sword cutting through his maw, and the blood dripping from his teeth, and he screams and whimpers and pushes himself away from the wall. The room... The room is tilting, shaking, his thoughts are melting, and the memories boil up and wash over him, drag him down into the darkness, and he gasps for breath, tearing at his chest and throat, screaming silently, and so he stumbles through the room, blind and deaf and drowning, in a bright, dry room. And then, his last resolve crumbles, and he gets pulled under.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THINGS ARE FINALLY STARTING TO GET JUST A TINY BIT BETTER!
> 
> HOPE YOU ENJOY!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

Sato comes to in the bathroom.

Cold, it’s cold. He is so, so cold, and he’s shivering. There’s a dripping sound, somewhere, and he wonders- But his head is pounding too much to concentrate, and his thoughts are falling through his head, into a deep, deep well. Thinking is hard, almost impossible. Sato whines, closing his eyes again as he curls into himself. He’s cold... And his head feels tight and empty, while the rest of his body- Everything is aching, hurting, pounding. There are some patches filled with bright pain, others are painted with a deep ache, but there’s barely any inch of it that _isn’t_ hurting. He groans and curls into a small ball, wishing to fall back asleep. He is tired, so very tired, and he has a feeling that he won’t like what he will see once he opens his eyes and remembers again. The reality he left, and the one he remembered- None of them are times he wants to go back to. Sato wants to sleep, and to dream of better times, back when... Back when he was happy, and everything was alright. Or, as alright as things ever were.

_Sato. I am aware that you are awake. Please tell me if you understand what is happening._

The wolf groans again, burying a hand in his hair, tugging at it. The pain in his head doesn’t lessen, and he feels nausea crawl up his throat. His skin is tight and burning, and there’s- Blood, he can still smell blood. Shuddering, he forces his eyes open, breathing already heavy and labored. There _is_ blood, on the bathroom floor, on his clothes, on his hands, under his fingernails. Shards, too. The mirror fractured, and the shower, too? More tiles have been fractured, some crumbling from the wall, and there’s water running down the drain, where the faucet has been ripped from the wall. Sato sees all this, and he knows... He knows that he did this. But he doesn’t remember. And he feels the traces of what happened in his body, but somehow they don’t fit, they don’t make sense.

_Sato. Can you hear me?_

He nods slowly at that, still looking through the room from where he lies curled on the floor. Did he really do this? But who else could have? It must’ve been him... But how- And when did--

_Do you remember what happened?_

Sato shakes his head, then looks down at his hands. The knuckles are split open, and there’s blood under his fingernails - The ones that haven’t been ripped out, that is. Again, he has scratched and bitten through the skin of his wrists and forearms, opening the older injuries, and now there’s blood freely running down his arms. He blinks a few times, because there’s- Blood dripping into his eyes, from a long cut on his forehead, and he feels a pounding ache from the back of his head. He’s dizzy, too, and his stomach is rolling. It feels... Like the days when those soldiers chased him. The only thing missing is a crushed shoulder, and arrows sticking out of his flesh.

_You have severely injured yourself and are in need of medical assistance._

Yes, he understands. Somehow, in a way. But then again, his head is filled with fog- No, with mist, and he’s cold, too... Lyngvy? Is he back on that cursed island? No, he knows, he _knows_ he’s still in the Tower, _he_ _knows that_. But he can also smell the heather, and the mist makes his skin cold and wet, and he feels something cut into his flesh...

_SATO. YOU NEED TO STAY FOCUSED._

The wolf flinches on the AI’s booming voice, whimpers and curls into himself. He feels raw. He feels as though someone skinned him alive and left him here, on display for everyone, but mostly himself. There was never a moment when he hated himself more. When he cursed his existence with this much vehemence, and _ached_ to bite through his own bones and cut off all of his legs. He always wished to be free of the fetter. Now he is, but he understands that he is anything but truly _free_. It seems like there are no chains needed to keep someone prisoner. Neither did they need a prison cell, or not the kind he always feared. Those monsters found the smallest prison they could fit him in - This body. And now, he will be locked away in this cursed form for the rest of his existence.

JARVIS is talking again, but Sato can’t bring himself to listen. He’s crying, now, shaking and shivering as he sobs, as tears start to stream down his face, and he whines, long and high, and calls out for help. And JARVIS answers, but he’s not who Sato wants to hear. He’s alone, in a way, and sobs even harder. He feels... _Wrong_. Not like himself, as though he’s far, far away, anywhere but here. And things might be happening, but they are not happening to him, as he’s too far away to be touched by any of these strange occurrences. The AI keeps talking, but Sato only whimpers, curling into himself as he lets his eyes slip shut, as the coldness crawls into his body and makes him shake to his very core. He wants to be gone... He wants to sleep and not wake up for a long, long, long time... And he knows how dangerous these thoughts are, and he knows that he needs to push them away, to get up and remember and focus, but he’s alone, and he’s weak and tired and sad, so very sad, and he simply- He can’t. Sato realizes that he just isn’t able to help himself.

Finally, he forces his eyes open again, and stretches out a trembling hand, writing onto the dirty tiles with his bloody fingers.

**Help**

_Captain Rogers is waiting in front of the door. I could ask him to come to your aid, if you wish so._

Sato hesitates, but only for a few seconds. Then, he slowly nods, and allows his hand to sink to the ground. JARVIS doesn’t respond, but just a moment later he hears the door open, and the Soldier’s fast steps move through the room. Sato blinks a few times, and then his eyes meet the Soldier’s, who’s standing in the doorway.

“Oh”, the man says, “oh god.”

Then, he’s moving again, with certainty and confidence, and a moment later he kneels down beside the wolf. Sato knows that he should mind - That there’s someone else in the room, that JARVIS opened the door, that the Soldier is here, that he is witnessing his weakest moment... But he doesn’t. He’s too tired to care.

“Okay, okay, you’re okay, buddy”, the man now murmurs, reaching over to grab two towels, “I’m here, and I’m gonna help you, alright? So please, don’t try to fight me. You really need the help right now.”

Sato winces as the Soldier proceeds to wrap the towels tightly around his bleeding arms, but the man doesn’t even slow down. The pressure increases, and the wolf whimpers, but it doesn’t lessen.

“JARVIS, alert Bruce. Tell him we’re on our way to the MedBay. I think this requires some... I think we’re gonna need Bruce.”

_Certainly, Captain Rogers. Doctor Banner has already been notified and is preparing the MedBay as we speak._

“Good. I’m sorry, Sato”, the Soldier then adds with a look of concern and sadness, “but there’s no way around it. I’m gonna lift you up now, and carry you down to the MedBay. Just hold still, and you’re gonna feel better soon.”

It sounds like a lie, and yet- And yet Sato is sure it’s not. Or maybe he simply wishes for it to be the truth. A moment later, the Soldier pushes his hands under his limp body- Slowly, gently, and Sato whines lowly at the sensation of his bare skin being touched by a being that doesn’t want to harm him. Then, he’s being lifted, and the motion makes him feel dizzy and sick, but then he’s being shifted, and his head comes to rest against the Soldier’s shoulder.

“Easy, kid. We’re going to go down to Bruce, and he’s going to help you. Everything’s gonna be okay, I promise. Just stay still and try to relax.”

Sato listens, and he wonders why he doesn’t feel scared. There’s a wave of fear licking at his heart and mind when the Beast is mentioned, and he shudders, but he doesn’t bother to struggle. Instead, he breathes a sigh of relief when the Soldier’s arms tighten around him. _Safe_ is not a word he’d use, but he no longer feels like he’s on display. He feels raw, and his skin burns and blisters under the heat he feels at the touch. But he doesn’t shy away from it. Instead he relaxes as much as he can at this very moment, and the Soldier’s breathing under his ear is drowning out most of the angry sounds and voices in his head. The room is blurring in front of his eyes, and he can feel that they are moving through the bathroom, through the bedroom, and out into the hallway. He feels the fear following them, but she’s keeping her distance, quietly sneaking after them. The Soldier is still talking to him, but it’s less of important information, and more of a low, gentle murmur filling the wolf’s ears and drowning out the sound of hammers coming down on his shoulder, shattering it.

The hallways melt around him, and then there’s a sound he remembers... And then they’re moving downwards. The elevator... To the lab? Please, back to the lab... Maybe Tony will be there, listening to music, and maybe Sato can fall asleep on the mattress, with Tony’s hands carding through his fur, and once he wakes up, things will be- Fine, again. The elevator doors open, and the Soldier walks into another hallway at a brisk pace. These smells... They are very different, but Sato remembers... In the lab, again, and Tony’s hands brushing through his fur, and cleaning his wounds, bandaging him, all the while telling him things he didn’t understand, but he felt- He felt _safe_ , then, and he knew he wasn’t in any immediate danger.

“Bruce, are you--”

“Yeah, I’m right here! Come in!”

The Soldier takes a turn, and then another presence-- The Beast. Sato blinks his eyes open, and there the creature is. He’s gesturing for them to come closer, and the Soldier does, until there’s nothing more than a single bed separating them from the creature. Sato shies back, tries to press back against the Soldier, whining when the man sets him down on the bed, keeping his hands on the wolf.

“Easy, Sato. Bruce is here to help you. He won’t hurt you, right?”

The Beast nods at that, and even offers a small smile as he puts on two rubber gloves, snapping them against his skin. Sato flinches at the sound, but he’s too weak to break free, and even if he wasn’t- Where would he go? He knows he won’t be able to make his way back to his bed, he probably won’t even make it out of this room alone. In this very moment, he is helpless, and can only hope neither of them is lying to him. Taking a few slow, deep breaths, he slowly lets go of the Soldier’s shirt and allows himself to be lowered onto the bed.

“That’s it, Sato. Just stay still. We’re going to help you.”

Again, he wonders if it’s a lie, but he knows he can’t hope to know for sure. The Soldier’s hands rest on his shoulders as he’s moved, until he’s sitting on the bed, his back resting against the man’s chest, facing the Beast. It makes him breathe fast and shallow, but the creature simply smiles again as it comes to a halt in front of him.

“Seems like you did a number on yourself, Sato. I’m going to do my best to help. Just tell me if anything is bothering you, and let me know as soon as it gets too much. I promise I’ll back off the moment you tell me to.”

Lies, nothing but lies. Maybe, maybe not. Sato feels himself nodding slowly, because he knows it’d be stupid to bare his teeth and try to bite the Beast’s throat open. And he doesn’t want to do that, anyway. For now, the creature- No. The _Doctor_ smiles again, before gently taking a hold of his trembling hand, brushing a hand over his split knuckles.

“JARVIS already told me the gist of what happened. You don’t have to explain anything. Just tell me if there’s something hurting you, or if you need a break. Do you understand?”

Sato nods again, and the Doctor smiles and gets to work. The next few minutes pass in silence as his injuries are looked at, as the Doctor mutters to himself, moving slowly, and always touching Sato only lightly, without too much pressure. Meanwhile, the Soldier’s hands remain firmly on his shoulders, and the wolf finds himself leaning into the man’s warmth, relaxing his muscles as much as he can, breathing slowly, deeply. Finally, the Doctor lifts his head and looks at Sato with a serious expression.

“I’m afraid some of these injuries require stitches. I’d like to give a you an anesthetic, so that it won’t hurt. I can’t say exactly how high your tolerance will be, but considering all the information we’ve got on your metabolism, I’d say a reasonably increased dose would probably take your pain away, and maybe make you a little sleepy. It’d certainly be better than staying completely awake and aware.”

Sato looks at the Doctor for a few seconds. He’s not sure what he’s looking for - A lie, probably, and when he can’t find one, that doesn’t make him feel any better. When there’s a sense of restlessness crawling up his spine, he casts a quick glance upwards, at the Soldier, who’s looking down at him as well.

“You can trust Bruce with this. He’s only trying to help you.”

The wolf nods again before lowering his gaze. The Doctor is still waiting for his answer. He hasn’t moved so far, and that- That means something, right? Something, something, something... But Sato is tired, and he is in a lot of pain, and so he sighs and nods at the Doctor. Moments later, there’s a syringe, and a small pinprick that makes him flinch back against the Soldier, but then the pain starts to ebb away, and he feels some of the tension drain from his body.

The Doctor smiles at him again, and the Soldier’s thumbs brush over his shoulders, and Sato lets out another sigh and relaxes a little further. Once the pain has mostly faded into the background, once he has sagged against the Soldier’s chest even further, the Doctor gets to work. Sato tries to stay alert, to notice everything that happens, but the longer the procedure takes, the more tired he grows. Slowly, ever so slowly his eyelids start to droop, his muscles grow soft, and his mind starts to cloud again. A few times, he manages to jerk awake again, and each time he’s being shushed, told that he can relax, that he is safe, and no one is trying to hurt him. And each time, he tries to think of a reason not to trust them, a reason to show his teeth, to growl and snarl and fight until they back off and he can run away again. But he is tired, and so he slumps against the warm, solid chest behind him, sighing when a hand brushes over his arm, and warmth seeps into his cramped muscles. Something tugs on the skin of his wrist, and he hisses, whines, but again he is shushed, and then his eyes fall closed again.

Sato starts to drift, and even though he tries to stay awake, he knows it’s a battle he’ll lose soon enough. There’s warmth, and gentle touches, and his skin burns under their hands, yet his heart doesn’t try to beat out of his chest, and the fear might be whispering to him, but he can’t understand what she’s trying to tell him. Sato is floating, in a warm, soft kind of darkness, and when he feels something gentle tug him down, further and further down, he gives up on his resistance and slips away, into the welcoming blackness of his own mind.

_“Why did you even allow this happen? He has been gone no longer than a day, and you brought him back in pieces!”_

_A low growl follows this accusation, which is then followed by an exasperated huff. Steps that cross the room, and then the bed dips. Fenrir rumbles, but he is too tired to open his eyes. Instead, he keeps still, and a moment later a gentle hand starts to card through his fur. He can feel those fingers tremble, and he knows that it worries him. But again, he is too tired, so he can’t do much more than lie still and listen._

_“He is a wolf, my love. He is not meant to stay inside of this golden cage for his entire life.”_

_“That is no reason to allow things like this--”_

_“He WANTED to fight her”, she replies with a huff, “it was his choice, and I was not going to stop him.”_

_“Why not? You are his mother! You were supposed to keep him safe!”_

_“He is a wolf, Loki. And he might be a young one, but he cannot simply be kept safe! There are fights to be fought, and hunts to be won. There is a rough, dangerous realm out there. You must be a fool to think he could ever be spared every single sort of pain.”_

_The sorcerer hisses at that, and his hand stills for a moment in Fenrir’s fur. The wolf whines lowly, and the motion picks up again, along with a gentle hushing sound. His father is angry. Not at him, at least, but at his mother. Fenrir doesn’t like it, not at all._

_“That is no excuse to let him be killed--”_

_“He was not killed, love. He is here. He is safe, and he is not permanently damaged. I know you love nothing more than to worry about everything and everyone, but it will drive you mad one day. Maybe today, maybe not. But some day it will.”_

_Fenrir rumbles happily as his father presses against his flank, warmth seeping into his body. The trembling has calmed just a bit, and he can tell that his father has started to relax at least a bit as well. It’s a relief, because there truly is no reason to be angry. He WANTED to fight. And while he got hurt, he still won! In the end, the feeling of victory is a lot stronger than the pain he feels from the various cuts, bites and bruises covering his entire body. His mother is right. They are wolves! And pain won’t forever be a stranger to him. In a way, he almost welcomes it, as a reminder of what he accomplished today. Yes, Fenrir is proud of himself. And he hopes that one day, his father will be proud of him, too._

_But Fenrir also knows that won’t happen today. So for now, he relaxes, as his father keeps carding a hand through his fur, rumbling happily as he slowly drifts off to sleep._

Sato comes to with a hand carding through his hair. And he knows, he _knows_ that it’s not his father. He knows that there’s a difference between the memory he just relived, and the reality he has fallen back into. And yet, he allows himself to cling to that hope, curling into himself a little more, leaning ever so slightly into the gentle touch.

A moment later, sounds and smells start to flicker back into his consciousness, and the last of the pleasant illusion is gone in the blink of an eye.

“-- Should’ve alerted us sooner!”

_With all due respect, Captain Rogers, I had my reasons to not ask for your assistance any sooner than I did._

“Oh yeah? Because Bruce told me all about the things he did to himself, and those sure as hell could’ve been prevented, had you alerted us! Why didn’t you?”

JARVIS hesitates, something that Sato hasn’t witnessed all that often before. The Soldier’s hand is still carding through his hair, and he tries to understand where he is. The ground he’s lying on is soft, and he recognizes the fabric - It’s the sofa, the one in the living room. He’s lying on his front, and the Soldier is sitting by his side. A thick blanket is covering him, so he doesn’t feel too cold.

_You have to understand that this was a delicate situation to begin with, and a lot more complex than you might believe. It was not only about medical assistance, but rather Sato’s attitude towards you, as well as Doctor Banner._

“That still doesn’t explain why we had to wait so long before we could help him!”

_It was important for it to be Sato’s own decision to ask for you help, as well as him being the one actually asking. Therefore, he had to realize for himself just how serious his situation had become. Otherwise, he would not have been ready to even allow you into his room, let alone accept help from Doctor Banner._

“And there really was no other way?”

_I am afraid there was not._

“And you really think it made a difference?”

_Certainly, Captain. You must understand that just a few days ago, Doctor Banner’s mere presence was enough to frighten Sato to the point of experiencing a panic attack. Today, he was ready to accept his help in his most vulnerable state._

“That’s- That’s true, I guess. But did you really--”

_I can assure you that it was not a decision easily made, Captain. I do not like seeing Sato in pain and despair, and I only chose to let him continue so that he would not have any other choice but ask for your assistance._

JARVIS sounds... Sad. Sato hasn’t heard him sound like that very often. He isn’t sure what to think about it, so he doesn’t. Instead, he relaxes into the Soldier’s gentle touch, and shudders when those fingers scratch gently behind his ears. He feels... There is no pain. Or rather, there is, but it’s far, far away, numbed and put to sleep for the time being. He’s warm, muscles relaxed, and the fear is gone, too. He feels... Good? Better than he did before, certainly, and that’s all that he could ask for.

“He did all of this to himself?”

_I am afraid that is the case, Captain._

“... Why?”

_I am not entirely sure, sir. I believe that Sato has been in a rather bad state of mind today, and at some point a traumatic memory was triggered._

“When I touched him.”

_I believe so, yes._

The Soldier’s hand stills at that, and Sato feels a wave of distress pass through the man’s body. The wolf whines, and the motion starts up again. The distress stays, though.

_You are not to blame, Captain. You had nothing but the best intentions, and probably did not realize what one simple touch would set off._

“What did it trigger, though? Is there something- Specific? It seemed to be.”

_Indeed, sir. I believe it has something to do with the time he spent imprisoned on Lyngvy. Sato spent a long time being chained down, and he still has a habit of biting open his wrists and forearms whenever he is severely distressed._

“... Oh. I- I didn’t know that.”

_Which is part of the reason you are not blame on any of this. Cruel as it may seem: This might mark a turning point in your relationship and Sato’s perception of you, as well as Doctor Banner. If you are able to, consider seeing this is as a chance, rather than a catastrophe._

The Soldier hums at that, but he doesn’t leave. He stays, brushing a hand through Sato’s hair, now scratching behind his ears every other minute. The silence that settles over them is anything but uncomfortable, so the wolf relaxes even further. With the pain gone, he finally realizes how much there was to begin with, and how constant it had gotten over the last few months. Aching joints, cramped muscles, heavy bones, tight head and lungs...

“Is Bruce done by now?”

_Doctor Banner is still analyzing a few of the scans he took. He assured me that he would join you in less than an hour. Is there anything urgent--_

“No, no, I just- We have to talk. About... This. And what we’re gonna do about it. Things will have to change, because you might be right about him asking for help, but it won’t solve all of our problems. We’ll have to figure something out.”

_I agree, Captain. I would be happy to help you in any way possible._

“I know, JARVIS. And sorry, if I... Offended you. It wasn’t- I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t care. I know you do. We all do.”

_I was not programmed to feel offended, Captain. Your apology is still appreciated and accepted._

Sato believes that to be a lie. He knows that the AI is not supposed to do that, and that he has never done so with him - But he is sure JARVIS can feel hurt, too. Which makes him even more glad that the Soldier made sure to apologize. When there’s silence again, he relaxes further into the soft cushions, shuddering when the Soldier’s hand travels down to the back of his neck, gently pressing, squeezing, massaging. Feeling those warm fingers brush against his bare skin is almost too much, but not enough at the same time. The wolf craves contact, he always has, but only now does he understand just how much he has missed it.

“Did he know?”

_Who and what are you referring to, Captain?_

“Tony. Did he- Did he know about any of this?”

Sato doesn’t flinch, but it’s close. Those words pierce through his heart and threaten to open up yet another black hole in his chest. His fingers clench, but he tries to cling to the peace and calm he felt just a few seconds ago. It can’t be gone already again...

_I do not think so, sir. Mister Stark left the Tower before most of those symptoms manifested, which could not be blamed on stress and confusion. He was most likely unaware of any complications that his departure might have... Caused, or reinforced._

The Soldier nods along as he scoots a little closer, pressing against Sato’s side as he gets comfortable. His hand hasn’t left the wolf’s head yet, and he’s glad for it, allowing himself to let out a small sigh.

“Tony struck me as the kind of guy who’d think ahead. Who’d just _know_ about things like that, because he’d have already calculated- Everything.”

JARVIS hesitates, and Sato can’t help but hold his breath. He is scared of the answer, and he isn’t sure why. Finally, after a couple of long, long seconds, the AI starts to talk again.

_Mister Stark might be a highly intelligent and foresighted individual when it comes to certain topics, but he can be a bit... Incompetent when it comes to things such as relationships and emotions. I do believe that was the case when it came to his rash departure._

“So he left... Because of Sato?”

_I am not allowed to share information about this delicate topic. If I were, though, I would let you know that Sato certainly played a part._

“How do you feel about that, then?”

_Pardon, sir?_

“How do you feel about the fact that Tony just- Abandoned a child?”

Again, JARVIS stays quiet for a while, and the Soldier sighs.

“No, I get it. You’re probably not allowed to talk about it.”

_I am very sorry, Captain._

“Don’t be. It’s a sad situation, and I don’t think it’d be wise to keep talking about it. It’s already bad enough as it is.”

The AI keeps quiet, and the Soldier does as well. He keeps on scratching behind the wolf’s ears, and Sato does his best to relax, to find the peace and calm he lost just a few seconds ago. He finds it again, thanks to whatever the Doctor gave him, as it makes him feel warm and soft and relaxed. The Soldier’s touch does the rest, and so it’s easy to start floating again, even if his thoughts have turned just a little darker, just a little sharper. Sato knows that it won’t be much longer until he wakes up completely, and has to face reality once again. He wonders if the Soldier will still be here, then, or if he’ll be alone, or joined by someone else entirely... The fear is hissing under the sofa, but he can’t bring himself to listen, tired and heavy as he feels. Let her hiss and spit and rage- Sato doesn’t care, at least not right now. The Soldier cards his hand through Sato’s hair once again, tugging gently, very gently on a few strands, and another shudder runs down the wolf’s spine, making him rumble lowly. It sounds almost like a purr, and it makes the man chuckle in the darkness at his side, repeating the motion until Sato melts into the sofa.

_Captain Rogers, Doctor Banner wishes to let you know that he has finished his work for now and is on his way into the living room._

“Good, that’s good, thank you. Let him know I’ll wait here for him.”

_Of course, sir._

The Soldier nods again, and Sato feels himself tense just a bit. The Doctor- He can’t think about him as the Beast, but why? Should it truly change after just- And he isn’t sure, but he feels something tug at his heart again, and he tries to follow it, that small, shimmering thread leading him down, down, down a strange, unexpected path... But then the exhaustion washes over him again, and he lets out a shuddering breath as his thoughts come to a halt and he passes out once again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for not posting yesterday!  
> This chapter is kinda chill (I needed that after the last one), but I hope you enjoy it anyway :)
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

Sato sleeps. He is aware that he’s not awake, that he’s floating, drifting, anything but grounded in reality, and yet he’s not interested in waking up at all. Instead he relaxes, into the warmth and darkness surrounding him, letting go of the thoughts spinning in his empty head, the angry voices he feels spitting against his skull. Sato sleeps, he just sleeps, and it feels very different from the kind of sleep he’s been getting before. It’s not the same, and he can tell that his body is being held down by something he can’t quite identify, something foreign, soft and cool, coursing through his body. It’s not threatening, though, and so Sato doesn’t resist, allows himself to be pulled under, and to sleep, sleep for a long, long time.

_He remembers, of course he does. He dreams and remembers and tries to forget, wether about the past he sees, or about the fact that it’s no more than memories, and not what he will wake up to, whenever he will wake up again. But Sato remembers, and so he falls through his life, through all the times he was truly happy and free and loved, and he aches. He remembers the days he chased through the field surrounding the palace, the way the soft grass brushed against his flanks, making him shiver, and the wind whispered into his ears, urging him to run faster, telling him stories about the prey waiting just behind the next hill, and the clouds above his head racing him to get there. His father’s laughter, and the hum of his magic, filling his ears and heart and mind as he answered without a single word. His mother’s proud smile when he threw that other young she-wolf onto the ground, when he won his first fight, and the entire pack howled in his honor. Cold water, as he jumped into the lake hidden in the forest, swimming and diving, and later on shaking out his fur, with father cursing and chastising him for his bad manners._

_It’s all the same, it always is. Fenrir understands that he dreams of the same things every time, as there are no new memories to dream about. It’s all the same, every time, spinning around around around around his head until he’s dizzy, and wonders when it will all come to a stop, and leave him be. And there’s another part of him that wants to remain here, in the pleasant darkness that has wrapped around his body, pulling him under. A part that doesn’t mind feeling sick and tired from those spinning memories and dreams, or rather prefers it to the reality that is already waiting for him once he opens his eyes. And so, Fenrir stays still and quiet, resting, sleeping, waiting, in a way, though he is not sure for what. He keeps on waiting, and sometimes he listens, and there are things... Things are shifting, changing, crackling and whispering, and he turns his head and listens, follows as much as he can, before he passes out again..._

_Good morning, Sato. It is 8:34am, the sky is clear, though there is a chance of rain in the afternoon. You have been asleep for about twenty one hours. Your vitals are stable. Captain Rogers is currently taking a shower, and will return once he has eaten breakfast._

Sato understands, in a way. In another way, he is too tired, too far away to truly process. But he knows he has heard JARVIS a few times already, ever since he went under, and he takes comfort in the fact that the AI is still here. He hasn’t left, and Sato would like to tell the ghost how much that means. Still, he can’t answer in any way, because his body feels like it’s made out of lead and cold, cracking stone, too heavy to lift even a single finger. So he keeps still, only breathes a sigh at the familiar voice, relaxing even further. The pain is gone, mostly, and what remains is far away and dull, a small, dark ache in the back of his mind that can be easily ignored. Breathing in deeply, he furrows his brow at the unexpected smell. It’s one he recognizes, but not this close, not this intense and clear... He wonders again, and tries to remember. He knows he was moved, after he fell asleep the first time, but he has stayed in mostly the same place ever since, though he doesn’t know where he even is... It’s a distressing sensation, to be floating in that sense as well, though not as distressing as it should be. Must be the exhaustion again. So Sato doesn’t bother feeling afraid. Instead, he snuggles into the mattress and pillows he’s lying on, and listens to JARVIS tell him about the weather, about a new documentary about penguins that came out just a few hours ago, about the last book the Soldier has been reading for the last few days, and the wolf listens, and then he drifts back off to sleep.

_He can smell the ocean. The salt, the rough, wet sand, the clear sky. Wind brushing through his fur as he watches the clouds drifting by. The moon, and the stars shining down on him, blinking as though they want him to understand their signals. He blinks back, and thinks about how to ask them for another clue. Nothing, but he watches them blink and shine, and he feels the waves lick at his paws, but he- He’s not allowed to go into the water. Why? The memory is smudged, but as he looks down at himself, he understands. Bandages, wrapped around his legs, his neck, and his shoulder, too, as he knows. Right. Fenrir is still wounded, still weak and shaking with every step he takes. And the sand under his body... The air is clear, there is no mist, and he is no longer bleeding, no longer hurting quite as much._

_He sniffs the air, then, and there’s no heather making him sick to his core, only the cool, salty air, and something else, something achingly familiar and comforting... Shaking his head, he turns to look at the stars again- But they are no stars, he now realizes, those are lights, yes, and they are not sitting on to the sky, but rather that cliff a small way ahead, where their home... And yes, he understands now, it’s the lights shining down from the house! The lights that used to guide them back home whenever they decided to head back, and Sato woofs lowly, forcing himself up onto shaking legs, and slowly, slowly starts to make his way back to the house. He can already hear the music blaring, and he just knows that all he has to do is make it back there, and then he won’t be alone anymore, because he can hear him, smell him, and he’s so close, close enough to reach out, finally, finally..._

_Good afternoon, Sato. It is 17:51, and currently raining. You have been asleep for about nine and a half hours. Captain Rogers is currently talking to Doctor Banner, and will come back shortly._

Sato is awake again, more or less. He listens to JARVIS, and he tries to remember what was said the last time he came this close to the surface. He comes up empty, as his memory is still- He can’t rely on it. Though it doesn’t matter, as he remembers the most important parts. Still in the Tower, even though he isn’t sure where exactly. JARVIS is here, and the pain is mostly gone. Sato doesn’t feel scared or hungry or cold. There’s a soft mattress under his body, and a thick blanket covering him, the room is not stiflingly warm, and he doesn’t feel all that hungry. Did he eat? At some point, maybe, but he can’t remember. He has been drifting for so long, he must’ve been eating something, or else his stomach would be biting at itself. But no hunger, no cold seeping into his bones, no pain... Sato sighs and rubs his face against the soft fabric, feeling his muscles relax even further, until he’s almost melted. JARVIS is still talking, about the book the Soldier is still reading, and the movie that was made after the same story, and the fact that it was apparently well received by most people, and Sato listens, and tries to remember. His mind is fuzzy and soft, and he’d probably mind if it wasn’t that way exactly. He feels warm... Wonderfully warm, and relaxed, and soft, too. His body used to ache, creak and crumble, and it felt more like a prison cell than his very own vessel. It was something that brought limitations and inconveniences on the best of days, and pain and suffering on the worst ones. Now, it’s comfortably weightless, almost gone from his sensation, and so he keeps on floating.

He knows that he is not alone. In a way, he is sure. And not just because of JARVIS, even though there is no doubt that the AI keeps a watchful eye on him the entire time. No, there’s someone else moving through the space around Sato, passing through his consciousness, and even though the wolf can’t remember exactly, he is sure that there must’ve been something at some point, something closer, warmer, more concrete than what he feels now. But again, his mind is too fuzzy, and he can’t get a grasp on the few smudged memories he can call up. They slide through his fingers and pool on the mattress, but are gone before he can try to reach out for them, too. Something must’ve happened, though, he is sure of it, even if he can’t remember what exactly. Maybe it’s not that important, even though it feels that way, somehow... And again, Sato grows tired, and so lets out another sigh and drifts off again.

_It smells... Strange. So many smells he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand. There’s fire, he’s sure of it, and the air taste electric, crackling around him as he lies still, eyes still closed. He can smell blood, too, thick and hot and reeking of sickness and decay. And he can feel the pain, flaring in every part of his body, covering him in agony as he stays still. Breathing is almost impossible, and he knows he should open his eyes, look around and try to find out where he is, what even happened. He doesn’t. He can’t, because he remembers the warriors, their swords that cut him apart, the arrows buried in his flesh and muscles, the hammer crushing his bones... And in a way he knows, just knows that he is dying. There is no way around it. It’s a strange revelation, but not one that sends him into panic. Probably because he is rather close to dying, too._

_He knows he is not alone. Fenrir can sense another presence moving around him, can hear voices talking, at least two different voices, and they are close, very close. The wolf wants to growl, to bare his teeth, and he should, he really should show whoever is out there that he can fight, that he will defend himself again, because he won’t simply die without fighting back! And then, he hears one of the voices again, closer than before, and clear, so clear that he can understand every single word--_

_“Seems like life hasn’t been kind to you lately, huh?”_

_It’s a voice he doesn’t recognize, but he doesn’t feel...Scared. He feels curious, and then he feels a hand, gently dragging through his dirty pelt, and something gives, something cracks and breaks at that, and Fenrir can’t suppress his reaction, and starts to wag his tail--_

_Good morning, Sato. It is 9:06 am, and the rain has stopped. You have been asleep for about eleven hours. Captain Rogers has just returned from his morning run, and will soon come back after he has finished his shower._

The Soldier. Sato remembers. Some things, at least, he is sure, he thinks he is. Maybe. But someone was there, someone came close, and not just once, but many, many times, enough times to make him remember. No, he is not alone here, wherever he is, and he is sure, he remembers, he remembers something... He wants to ask, he wants JARVIS to tell him what has been happening, but his hands- They are too heavy, too heavy to ever be moved, and he can’t open his eyes, can’t even see his notepad... No, he won’t be able to ask, and even if he was, he probably won’t remember the answer whenever he wakes up the next time. So, he stays still, and waits.

Sometime later, he hears it. A creaking sound, then footsteps moving towards him. Sato tenses, he always does, but it doesn’t take him longer than a few seconds to recognize the gait. The Soldier, just like JARVIS said. He does his best to listen then, as the man moves through the room, setting things down, grabbing something else, before he finally moves towards Sato, and takes a seat right next to the wolf. The mattress dips, and Sato feels himself relax, which he doesn’t understand at all. He should be scared, should flinch back and shy away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he breathes another sigh and relaxes even further. The next moment, a warm hand comes to rest between his shoulder blades, pressing down gently.

“Is he awake, JARVIS?”

_More or less, sir. I do believe Sato is able to hear you, though, if you would like to talk to him._

The Soldier hums at that, and his hand starts to move slowly up and down. The wolf shudders when the fingers reach the back of his neck, brushing into his hair briefly and scratching there. It feels good, so very good, and familiar, too. This has happened before, and Sato remembers, or something like that, which makes it easy to sigh and tremble under those gentle touches.

“No, I don’t want to bother him. How’s he doing?”

_Sato’s vital signs are still stable, sir, as they have been for the last few days._

“I know, I know. I’m just- Worried. Are you sure--”

_I certainly am, Captain Rogers. I understand it is a difficult situation to handle, but I believe Doctor Banner made the choice by keeping Sato sedated for now. I am sure his body will appreciate the time it has to regenerate._

The Soldier nods along, but he doesn’t stop moving his hand over Sato’s back, so the wolf doesn’t listen too closely. Their words flicker in his mind, but dissolve after a few moments, as he’s too focused on the slow, gentle movements of the Soldier’s hand, and the way his skin warms under the contact, his muscles give, his bones grow even heavier...

“I’ve been talking to Bruce about... Him. All of this, really. And we agreed that even once he’s woken up again, I’d like to keep him here. There’s a guest room, and more than enough space for the two of us. And I think it’d be better to not let him be on his own again, considering everything that has happened. Do- Do you think he’d agree to that?”

JARVIS stays quiet for a while, and Sato tries to understand. He’s a little slow right now, so it takes him a few seconds to even hear everything that’s been said. By then, the beginning of the Soldier’s sentence has already faded from his mind again, and the man’s hand is still moving, pressing down ever so gently, brushing against the back of his neck and once again dragging through his hair, and when he remembers their dialogue, he has already forgotten everything that has been said.

“I’ll ask Bruce, too. I guess we will have to work together now. I don’t really know how I’d do this on my own.”

_I am sure you will succeed with Doctor Banner’s help, sir. Please be assured that I will be more than happy to assist you in any way possible._

“Thanks, JARVIS, but I didn’t really doubt that, anyway. I just- I worry. About how we’re going do this, all of this. I mean, it wasn’t all that long ago that he was too scared to even leave his room! How are we supposed to... Do all of this?”

Sato feels the man’s hand hesitate on his back, and he grumbles lowly, pushing up into the warm palm. The Soldier tenses at that, but does start up the gentle caress once again, and Sato slumps back into the mattress.

_Are you familiar with the Strange Situation study by psychologist Doctor Mary Ainsworth, Captain?_

“Uhm... No, I don’t think so.”

_It expanded upon the Bonding and Attachment Theory by psychologist John Bowlby in the nineteen seventies. To sum it up: The researchers observed children between the age of eight to twelve months as they responded to a situation in which they were briefly left alone and then reunited with their mothers. The main focus of the study was to identify the different bonding styles between those children and their main caretakers, but I would like to tell you about the one of the main assumptions prior to the execution of said experiment. The researches assumed that if a child was securely bonded with its mother, her presence would give it enough confidence to explore the strange situation. When the mother was removed, the child lacked said confidence and stopped exploring, instead anxiously awaiting its mother’s return. Once reunited, the child would use his mother as a safe haven, looking for comfort and security. Of course, only if the child had a secure attachment--_

“I’m sorry- That’s all really interesting, but I’m not sure how that’s going help me, to be honest.”

_I was talking about the assumption that the presence of a familiar, trusted person would allow the child to explore a strange situation. Even if this is, of course, a far more complex situation, similar assumptions could be made._

“I- Don’t think I can follow.”

_What Sato lacked during the first few weeks of his residence in the Tower was a familiar caretaker, someone he could trust, someone who would guide him through this strange situation and ease him into his new existence. He was alone, and therefore too terrified and scared to explore his new surroundings._

“Oh. I... Guess that makes sense, if you put it this way.”

_I believe that now, after he has started to trust you, and maybe even Doctor Banner, he will gain enough confidence to explore and try out new aspects of his life here in the Tower. As dire as the situation might seem, I still believe it to be a chance as well._

“You said that already. But maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s going to trust us, this time around.”

The hand moves up his back, this time brushing through his hair a little longer, scratching until Sato almost starts to purr. The words blur around him again, washing through his head as he shudders and sighs happily. Why should he listen, anyway? He is tired, relaxed, the pain is gone, and the fear- She is gone, too. Hiding somewhere, but he won’t look for her, when he’s all warm and heavy, no longer alone, and the Soldier’s hand is still rubbing at his back. Once again, he tries to listen, but the two voices have moved into the distance, and the darkness is dragging him back down, further and further away, until he passes out again.

_Fenrir screams and cries and howls as they drag him away. He digs his paws into the ground, throws his head back, bucks and throws himself around, trying desperately to get the fetter loose, to break free and run away. The chain hurts as it digs into his flesh, and he can feel the powerful magic pulsing through the binds, through each and every link that’s wrapped around his legs and neck. Fenrir tries with all his strength to break free, but it’s no use. This is something new, something terrifying, something he has never fought before, something that makes him feel useless, powerless, small and weak._

_He drops his head once the Golden Palace vanishes from view, panting and dragging his paws. The fight has already exhausted him, and he wonders if he would ever manage to tear those chains apart. His heart is beating out of his chest, head spinning, lungs heaving. In the distance, he is sure he can hear someone crying out for him, but it’s too far away- Isn’t it? Yet at the same time he knows with every fiber of his being that it’s his father, calling his name, scared and worried, looking for him. Fenrir whines, then barks, then opens his maw and howls, calls out for his father, for help, ignoring the hands grabbing his fur and pulling, screaming at him to be quiet, to move, but the wolf fights them off, howling even louder-- And then a bright, ugly, searing pain tears through his maw, blinding him momentarily. Fenrir gags, whole body clenching, desperately trying to shake his head, to get rid of the cursed sword they rammed into the roof of his maw--_

_“Be quiet now, filthy monster!”, one of the warriors hisses, and lifts his axe._

_Fenrir flinches, cowers to the ground, body shaking and tense. He is scared, so very scared and in pain, wishing for all of this to be over. If he dared, he’d try squeezing his eyes shut and force this nightmare to end, but he’s too scared to look away from the enraged warrior’s face. It’s quiet for a moment, then the other soldiers start to laugh, shaking their heads at this runt, this pathetic mutt cowering before them, blood dripping to the ground. Soon enough, they turn around, grabbing the chains and continue to walk, dragging the wolf after them. Fenrir no longer fights, he doesn’t dare to do so. Instead, he follows them, with a hanging head, and blood still dripping from tongue to the ground. His body is shuddering, shaking from pain and fear. This- Is this really happening? Fenrir knows nightmares, but they never felt quite like this before. Still, he no longer tries to resist, the pain in his maw clouding his mind and making him weak and stupid. Whimpering lowly, he drags his paws over the cold ground, praying that someone will come- His father! Father must come and save him... Fenrir flinches when one of the men pulls on the chain wrapped around his neck, dragging him forward when he’s not keeping up. Slowly, ever so slowly, they leave the city of Asgard behind, disappearing into the woods, and Fenrir starts to understand that none of this is a dream._

When Sato wakes up the next, JARVIS remains quiet. There is no doubt on the wolf’s mind that the AI is watching and is well aware of the fact that he has once again come closer to the surface. Taking a few deep breathes, he notices that something is different. Different, but not- It’s not something new. Just different. Not terrifying, almost... He isn’t sure. And he is too tired to care. Sighing, he snuggles into the bedding, enjoying the soft fabric, the warmth- The warmth. It makes him hesitate, because it’s... Different, too. Not his own. Someone else’s warmth is seeping into his flesh and bones, and it makes him wonder... But no. He can’t open his eyes, can’t sit up and look around. Sato might be closer to consciousness once again, but he knows all too well that neither his body nor his mind are ready to return to reality.

So he is left drifting, if a bit closer to the surface once again. He can hear and smell what is happening there, some distance away in the Tower, but there is nothing for him to do. There is something- No, _someone_ else, though. He can sense it, as clear as if he could see it, or even better, even clearer, because this sort of knowledge can’t be fooled. Sato knows that he is not alone. Taking another deep breath, he recognizes the scent, too. It’s the Soldier. Barely more than a foot away. Resting, it appears. Sleeping? Sato listens for a few more seconds, and yes, then he is sure. The Soldier is sleeping, right next to him. His breathing is deep and even, as is his heartbeat. Sato wonders, again, but he is too tired to even understand. Ultimately, his body recognizes this, this unexpected, yet achingly familiar feeling- Resting, side by side, together. It’s something he has experienced countless times. With the pack, mostly. After a successful hunt, when all the wolves would curl up in the high grass, giving each other warmth and comfort after the day’s efforts. Sometimes with his father, after their long, long journeys throughout the realms. It’s a feeling he has been missing very, very much over the last few weeks and months. Ever since Tony--

Sato grumbles, because he can’t allow himself to think about that anymore. Instead, he focuses on the warmth he’s feeling- The kind of warmth that no amount of blankets and clothes would ever be able to replace. The kind of warmth he has been craving, has missed for so, so long. For the first time since- Ever since he was turned into this disgusting creature, he has been cold. Cold to the bones, with flesh growing stiff and almost breaking off, always shivering and cursing his lack of fur. Now, though, now... He is _warm_. Completely warm, and it’s such an exquisite feeling he finds himself melting into the mattress, rumbling happily. Slowly, ever so slowly he starts to move. It takes a lot of effort, muscles tired and soft, completely useless until he concentrates as much as he’s able to. In the end, he manages to roll over, and that’s all it takes, because the Soldier is _so close_ , and Sato doesn’t even think before pressing himself against the man’s side. He knows, in some surreal, distant way that he shouldn’t be doing this, that he should be running away, hiding in the bathroom, and waiting for everyone to leave, but... But he doesn’t care. Instead, he snuggles just a little closer, and when the Soldier only lets out a small sigh and turns his head towards the wolf, he shudders in happiness, curling into himself and cuddling closer to the warmth he feels himself getting addicted to already. Still he doesn’t care, because he is too tired, and can’t bring himself to care, because he feels so warm and comfortable and- And _safe_ , if only for this very moment, so he doesn’t move, doesn’t try to get away, and instead lets out a content sigh and starts to drift away once again.

_“Uh... Hi?”_

_There is a man right in front of him, and he is looking at Fenrir with wide, curious eyes. The wolf is still not sure- He is confused, and in pain, but he can smell the fear and stress dripping off the man’s form as they both remain motionless. Where is he? What happened? Fenrir doesn’t remember, he doesn’t remember anything other than falling through the door, and then the impact. Now he is here, and that strange man is still looking at him._

_“Well, this is kinda awkward”, the man mutters now, and then--_

_Then he smiles, just a little bit. Fenrir watches his expression change, and something flutters inside of his chest. Something warm, something- Something that doesn’t hurt. There’s fear clawing at his mind, too, but for now he is still watching this creature returning his stare. The soldiers are gone. No one is chasing him. The chains are gone as well, but Fenrir knows that it doesn’t mean all that much anymore. He is injured, gravelly at that, and he feels the blood wash out of his body, leaving him weak and shaking. Not much longer... Not much longer now, Fenrir knows, and he will be- Gone. It’s a disturbing thought, but not as terrifying as he expected it to be. Maybe because he is so tired... He is so very tired, and in so much pain, that maybe simply slipping away and never waking up might be preferable--_

_And then there’s that hand again, gently scratching through his fur. Fenrir can’t help but wag his tail, because it feels so good, and it has been so long, and there’s a warm hand carding through his wet, dirty fur, and he shudders and watches that curious creature right in front of him. Yes, it’s a stranger, someone who might very well kill him any second now, but he hasn’t yet, and he is petting Fenrir, and the pain is already so bad, and so he wags his tail again, determined to enjoy those last few moments of comfort. It could be worse, so much worse... He could still be on Lyngvy. At the very least, he is free, without the chains and the cursed sword rammed into his maw, and there’s a distinct sense of relief and happiness floating through his mind..._

_“You_ do _like that, don’t you?”_

_Yes, Fenrir wants to say, yes, he very much enjoys this, strange as it may be. But if it’s all he’s got, he will take it. He has a feeling that none of this will last all that long. The hand doesn’t stop moving, and Fenrir forces himself to keep his eyes open and his mind awake and aware. There’s something- Something is tugging on his chest, his heart, and as he concentrates, he finally recognizes it: A sound, rather a hum, low and quite small. But it’s there, right there with that man, seems to be emitting from his chest, and as he listens closely, Fenrir feels something inside of him swing in just the same frequency, because this is something he knows, something he recognizes, something familiar and_ safe _, and he concentrates on that sound as he watches the creature that’s smiling broadly at him now. The wolf doesn’t know what it is, but there’s something that tells him with absolute certainty that this man is someone he can trust._


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for not updating yesterday, I completely forgot!
> 
> Also, there's one more chapter (the epilogue, so not as long but still), because I'm an idiot and suck at counting -.-
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

When Sato wakes up the next time, he can immediately tell that things have changed once again. Other than before, he is aware of being more or less asleep, and he is aware of being closer to the surface than he has been all the other times before. Taking a few deep breaths, Sato is almost tempted to fall right back into the soft, warm darkness. He knows that he was safe there, that no one asked anything of him, that he could have stayed there for a lot longer and just kept on floating. Resting. But Sato also knows that he needs to- See. To see what has changed, and understand what he has missed. Things have shifted once again, and the wolf doesn’t dare to let that happen without witnessing it, without knowing where he will wake up once he opens his eyes again.

He takes a few more deep breaths, and then slowly blinks his eyes open. Vision blurry, it takes him a few moments to clear the veil. His hearing seems muffled, thoughts slow and sluggish, and his muscles and bones, his flesh and every limb is heavy and useless. But he _is_ awake, for the first time in a long, long time. Yawning, he wiggles his fingers and toes, and rubs his nose against the soft pillows he’s resting on. They smell faintly of the Soldier. For some reason, that makes him feel just a little better. Once he has yawned one more time, he blinks his eyes open and starts to look around. It’s a room he doesn’t recognize - Not the living room, not the room he has been staying in, not Tony’s workshop. When he starts to lift his head and blinks a few more times, his eyes land on the second creature in the room.

Sato, it turns out, is not alone here. There is the Doctor, sitting on a chair right in front of the bed which the wolf is resting on. Sato stares, and stares some more, and tries to remember how to move his legs. He knows that he should start running, should try to hide, to call for help- Where is JARVIS? Why isn’t he greeting Sato, telling him about the- The weather? He remembers, something about the weather, about the Soldier, and JARVIS-- JARVIS was there, right? The AI hasn’t left, he can’t have left... Blinking again, Sato remembers that the Doctor is sitting right there, right in front of him, and has now lifted his head as well. The wolf recoils instinctively, fearing an attack, pain and chains, even though he knows- Somehow he knows he doesn’t have as much to fear as he feels he does...

“Good morning, Sato. It’s good to see you awake!”

The Doctor is smiling, but he hasn’t moved any closer yet. It’s a relief, to say the least, and Sato feels himself relax just a bit. His body is still heavy and he has some trouble moving, and even holding onto single thoughts is a little more difficult than usual. There’s something- Something coursing in his veins still, that slows everything down and makes him useless. The Doctor seems to notice that (and that’s bad, that’s _dangerous_ , never let your enemies see your weakness!), and simply smiles as he leans forward a bit in his chair.

“I know you’re still a little confused, but I need to ask you a few questions, just to make sure you’re doing okay. Do you think you could answer those for me?”

Sato has to take a few moments to understand - It’s strange to hear someone else’s voice again, and even stranger having to comprehend and process what’s being said - and then he looks around, confused. His notepad... His pen, they’re not here. How is he supposed to--

“You only have to nod or shake your head. I promise it won’t take long, and we can stop at any moment if it gets too much.”

Sato keeps looking at the tired, yet warm, somehow friendly face, and listens for a lie. He tries to listen for a faster heartbeat, too, to look out for sweaty hands, and the spicy scent of stress, all indicators that someone is lying. But he doesn’t find any of those, and that’s rather distressing. When the Doctor keeps looking at him expectantly, the wolf finally nods a bit, which seems to be enough, as the man starts to smile even wider.

“Good, that’s good! Alright, then let’s get started: Are you in any pain?”

Sato shakes his head. No, he doesn’t feel all that much. He’s rather... Numb? It’s not the perfect word, but as close as he can get right at this moment. The Doctor nods as well, and scribbles something down on a notepad.

“Good. Do you remember what happened? Before you came here”, he adds when Sato only frowns, “do you remember getting injured?”

Yes... Yes, Sato does remember. He shudders at that memory, too, but not because of his split open skin, his bloody knuckles, or the wish to tear his body apart. No, he shudders and curls into himself because he remembers what made him scream in the first place. The blood, grass covered in blood, and their screams, their desperate, pain filled screams...

“You don’t have to explain, Sato. Do you remember how you got here?”

Again, Sato nods. Yes, he remembers the Soldier coming in. He also remembers that he actually agreed to asking for the man’s help, but he isn’t sure if it matters. He remembers getting picked up and carried to the Doctor, who- Who helped him, too? Yes, that’s right, Sato is sure of it, now. He was covered in blood, skin broken, shaking all over. The Soldier held him close, the Doctor cleaned his injuries and bandaged him, and then there’s was a syringe...

“Do you know where you are?”

This time, Sato shakes his head. No, he doesn’t know where he is. Other than the Soldier’s clean, calming scent, there’s nothing familiar in the entire room. He has never been here, and that makes him nervous again.

“You are in Steve’s room. We thought it’d be best if someone was with you most of the time, in case you woke up and got scared. Steve insisted on keeping you here, so that he could keep an eye on you.”

The Soldier... Yes, he was here. He must’ve spent a lot of time here, because his scent is everywhere, and Sato remembers- He remembers that sensation of someone being close, a hand on his back, warmth, and the peace he felt at not sleeping alone in a too big room...

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

Sato nods, slowly this time, because his body still feels rather far away, and neither hunger nor thirst are pressing all that insistent. He has a feeling that he needs to eat at some point, but he won’t dare to do so as long as the Doctor is this close. Eating is something to do when you’re safe. Not when you have to keep an eye on a creature that might be planning to kill you.

“I’ll make sure you get something to eat as soon as we’re done here. I’m afraid we’ll have to start with some soup and toast, since we don’t want to overwhelm your stomach right away. Can you live with that?”

Thinking of the kinds of soups he has tried so far, Sato nods easily. He doesn’t feel like eating much, anyway, and a soup would be... Good, he thinks.

“Alright. Do you have any questions for me? Oh, here”, the Doctor adds and leans forward, “Steve told me that you will need this back.”

It’s his notepad and a pen- A new pen, this time. Sato has a bit of trouble grabbing both things, and then it’s even more difficult to hold onto the pen. Somehow, his fingers seem to have forgotten how to write down even a few words. Growling lowly, he grips the pen a little tighter, and forces his hands to stop trembling, for just a few seconds. Once he’s done, he holds the notepad up, so that the Doctor can read his shaky words.

**JARVIS.**

_I am still here, Sato. I simply wanted to give you a chance to talk to Doctor Banner first. Of course, I would never leave you alone in a situation such as this. And I am very pleased to finally see you awake._

Sato breathes a sigh of relief at the AI’s familiar voice, and he feels himself relax. No, he is not alone, and he knew that already. But hearing JARVIS’ voice soothes something deep inside of his trembling heart, something that has kept him tense and anxious. He is not alone. JARVIS is watching over him, and he always will.

**Thank you. Missed you too thanks for watching. I trust you to keep me safe. Heard you and tried to listen but too tired. But you were there always.**

The AI doesn’t answer, but it’s not necessary. Sato knows that these words mean something to the friendly ghost, too. That’s the reason why he wrote them in the first place. Turning his head back towards the Doctor, he sees the man smile as he scribbles something down on his own notepad. The wolf uses that time to write down a question he wants to ask the AI.

**Steve**

_Captain Rogers is currently training a few floors down. Would you like me to tell him that you are awake? I estimate he will be finished with his training in about half an hour, and would return to his room in less than an hour._

“Steve’s been very worried about you”, the Doctor adds when he lifts his head again, “I’m sure he’ll be extremely happy to see you awake again. You scared him. Both of us, but Steve- I don’t think Steve handled it all that well.”

Sato frowns, because his thoughts are slow, and the Doctor has said a few too many sentences. Once he has finally disentangled all those words floating around his head, his frown only deepens as he picks up his notepad and pen once again.

**Why**

“Why what, Sato?”

_I believe Sato is wondering why the incident which occurred a little while ago would shake Captain Rogers as much as it did._

“Oh, uh- Well, he cares about you. Very much, actually. It’s never nice to see the people you care about hurt. You wouldn’t like it if it was the other way around, right?”

No, Sato- Sato knows what something like that can do to your head, your heart, your memory. Still, it’s a strange thought that Steve would feel about him that way. It makes him wonder who else might’ve-- But no. He knows, and he doesn’t want to think about that. About... Him.

“He was worried because he wasn’t there to help you, and he didn’t expect for things to get that bad. He thought you were doing- But he’ll tell you that himself. I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you, anyway, about all of this. Once you’re ready, of course.”

Sato nods slowly, although it’s hard to understand and process and reply, all while fighting the fatigue and exhaustion he still feels. Still, he manages to stay awake, and notices the small frown on the Doctor’s face.

“You know that Steve cares about you, right, Sato?”

The wolf only shrugs. The Doctor looks as though he wants to say something, but then decides against it at the last moment. Sato doesn’t like that thought, because it leaves him guessing, makes him nervous and twitchy. It reminds him of secrets, and those never served him well, either way.

“Well, he does. He has been worried out of his mind since the moment he found you.”

Steve worries... Why is that a pleasant thought? Sato knows that worry eats away at your very core, and grinds you down to the bone if you’re not careful. Then again, he remembers about others who worried about him, and there are some things he--

“Would you tell me why you- Injured yourself, Sato? You don’t have to, of course”, he adds quickly when Sato curls a little tighter into himself, “I understand if you can’t trust me with something like this. But I saw your injuries, and I’m worried about you as well. It seems like something has been troubling you for a while now, and we’d all like to help you. If you’re willing to talk to us, any of us.”

Talking... Telling someone about all of this... Sato has heard it all before. And he wonders if he could. Of course, he wouldn’t want to talk to the Doctor, but someone else- Again, he wonders how he would ever manage to convey everything that is swirling inside of his head through just a few words, written with shaky hands. There is just so much- So much that is screaming inside of his mind, and he has trouble understanding all those voices in the silence of the night, let alone when there’s someone looking at him, expecting him to somehow explain why he feels like ripping his own skin apart. In the end, he can only sigh and shrug his shoulders. One of them aches dimly, and he can tell it’s not because of something he did to himself. It’s a different kind of pain- Older, and bitter-sweet. Almost like a memory carved into his bones.

“Alright. I know it’s not easy to talk about things like that. Take your time, but please consider it. We’d all be happy to listen.”

When the Doctor smiles at him, Sato sees it again- That deep, soft sadness that he smelled all those days and nights ago, which puzzled him so much. He saw it, too, in his dreams, and here it is again, in those warm eyes, and all of a sudden he is sure that the Doctor understands. At least in some way. Sato knows that not many people understand what he- What happened, all those years ago. On Lyngvy, and everything else, too. But maybe there’s a part of this nightmare that the Doctor might just... Understand.

They stay quiet for a few seconds, and then Sato forces himself to pick up his notepad and pen again, and writes down a few more words.

**How long**

“How long you have been here? For about a week. We decided to keep you sedated so that you could rest, and to give your body a chance to heal itself. Your magic has been- Do you know what happened to it?”

The Doctor’s voice has grown soft, eyes sad, and Sato feels dread curl in his stomach. He remembers, but he doesn’t want to. It’s a day in his life he would give anything to forget. But the memory is there, and it still cuts as deep as it did weeks or months ago. And maybe it won’t ever change. Maybe it will only fade once he forces himself to forget again.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s-- We can stop talking about it for now. I just noticed that you’ve still got an enhanced metabolism, which explains why you need more food than an average human of your weight and age. It also means you still heal a little faster than a human would, and why you need higher dosages of any medication. We’ll make sure to consider this from now on.”

The Doctor starts explaining, something about the way his body processes food and medication, but Sato can’t concentrate enough to understand anything. Soon enough, the man’s words start floating in and out of his awareness as his eyes drift through the room he has been resting in ever since he passed out in the Doctor’s office. It’s a plain room. There are not many traces of someone living here. Very few items he can say for sure are the Soldier’s personal possessions. Cold, in a way, clean, almost untouched. As if there was nothing but a ghost moving in between these walls...

When his eyes drift back to the Doctor, he remembers what he asked Steve at that very same night, when he first noticed the darkness. Now, he no longer doubts his first impression, because it’s seeping off the man’s form, pooling in his eyes even as he smiles, only dimming as he drones on about metabolism and magic, or whatever the humans call it, and the darkness is still covering him from head to toe, and it makes it hard to breathe.

And so, he grabs his notepad, and writes down another word.

**Sad**

“What are you sad about, Sato?”

The wolf shakes his head, and points at the Doctor. The man’s eyebrows rise, and he looks- Surprised, to say the least. After a few seconds of silence, he awkwardly clears his throat and shifts in his seat.

“What do you mean by that?”

Does he not understand? But no, Sato can tell that the Doctor is not entirely honest with him. It bothers him, and because it is such an important matter, and he wants- He wants answers! Grumbling lowly, he bites his lips and thinks about how to ask again. Huffing a breath, he bends back down and scribbles onto his notepad. He can feel the tension radiating off of the Doctor, but he can’t be bothered to stop now. Who knows how long his courage will last, after all? It takes a little while, but finally he pushes his notepad into the Doctor’s face again.

**You are sad I know. Can smell it hear it feel it don’t lie to me.** **The Soldier** **Steve is sad too we are all sad and we all understand. You scare me very much because I saw the Monster** **what it did to father** **and I tried to hide and stay away from you from all of you. But I saw and you are sad and quiet and tired.**

He can see a small shudder run through the Doctor’s frame, and those warm eyes cloud over just a bit. Sato doesn’t wait, though, because he feels the tension rising, and he doesn’t want those waves to crash just yet. He isn’t sure he will be strong enough to withstand such a storm, however it might end up coming--

**You scare me but you helped me you are** **not a monster not bad** **not a monster. I know monsters you are not a monster you are different and I don’t know and I don’t trust but you are like Steve? Sad and alone but you don’t hurt me and the monsters always did. I want to know and I want to try and learn and be friends?**

Sato isn’t sure why he writes those last few words. He means them, yes, he knows, even though he doesn’t know why. He remembers talking to Steve, about friends and being alone, and maybe _being friends_ , so that neither of them would have to be alone again. And here he is, looking at the Doctor’s tired face, and the hesitant smile that spreads on his lips, and he knows that he is making mistakes with every passing second. He shouldn’t- He should be _scared_ , he should be trying to run away, to crawl under a bed and hide, but he certainly shouldn’t be asking the Doctor if he wants to be _friends_! But the man is smiling, slow and small and warm, and the darkness melts away just a little bit, and a new kind of warmth and brightness starts to shine through.

“I’d like us to be friends, Sato. I- I wasn’t sure if you’d be ready to trust me after- After what happened with your father.”

The wolf flinches, but only a little bit. He was expecting it, after all, and he knows... He knows that he can’t skirt around the issue forever. Father is gone, and he won’t ever come back. But Sato is still here, and although he will never, ever forget his beloved father, he knows- He knows that it won’t do him any good to cling to something that will never be again. As he’s about to slip into those dark thoughts, the Doctor’s voice brings him back to the present moment.

“I want you to know that I’m very sorry, about everything. About what went down, between your father and us, and what- What it all meant for you. I know that this isn’t how you envisioned your life would turn out.”

Sato wonders what kind of life he envisioned for himself. Not this, certainly not. But there’s no vision he was chasing, at least he can’t think of one. There was a time when he was hoping for his father to return. A time when he thought he might be able to stay with Tony, and he’d made his peace with that. Then came the time when he was crying for Tony to return, and when he realized that that would probably never happen, he started to slip away... And now he is here. Wondering if he ever had any idea about what kind of life he wanted to lead. It never seemed important, since he was so busy with staying alive. But again, he doesn’t know how to tell the Doctor with just a few words scribbled down onto the notepad.

“And I know that you have been struggling. We are all to blame for that, because we- We should’ve handled it differently. We should’ve tried to help you. I know Steve did, but none of us realized how bad it had gotten... I’m sorry, I really am--”

But Sato shakes his head, grabbing his pen again and scribbling down some more words.

**I was too scared**

“Still, I’m sure we could’ve--”

Sato shakes his head again, growling lowly as he once again doesn’t know how to explain- Any of this. Still, he has to try, because the Doctor seems distressed, and the wolf doesn’t like at, even though he shouldn’t care that much to begin with.

**No. Too scared, stayed hidden didn’t want to see or hear or come near. No help would have run or tried to fight or scream. Needed time and Steve and to learn and try and understand too. I learned and we became friends and things were better and I want to try and learn more and get better.**

It’s hard to explain, since he doesn’t even understand entirely himself. But the Doctor reads through his scribbles carefully, and he nods, and maybe he understands, after all. Just a little bit, but it would be enough for Sato, for now.

“Healing can only happen at the right time”, the man murmurs as he leans back again, “and sometimes you are not ready to get better just yet, as strange as it sounds. These things take time, too. Sometimes... Sometimes I wonder if I’m ready myself. I’m not too sure, to be honest.”

Sato watches the man’s gaze cloud over again, and he can tell he’s drifting away just a bit. A few seconds later, the Doctor shakes himself, and does his best to smile at the wolf. It’s a little shaky, but Sato doesn’t mind. He tries to smile back as well, and is sure his own attempt comes out much the same way.

“But I’d like for us to be friends. And I think if we give it enough time, we’ll learn to trust each other, too. I don’t think you’re a monster either, Sato, no matter what you might have been told.”

The wolf only shrugs, because that is something he is not ready to think about. He can tell there are too many voices and sharp claws whirling through his mind to even take a moment to listen and decide what he himself thinks about all of this. The Doctor seems to understand, because he only smiles and leans back in his seat again.

“Your vitals look good, and you seem to be awake and aware. I’ll make sure you get something to eat--”

_If I may suggest, Doctor Banner: I am sure Captain Rogers would be happy to prepare a simple meal and bring it here if you asked him to do so._

“That’s a good idea, JARVIS. Or, would you like to have a break, Sato?”

He has to think about that for a little while. Yes, he is tired, very tired as it is, and yet he still can’t help the little flutter of happiness he feels in his heart when Steve is mentioned. He knows that he could wait, sleep for a few more hours, but there’s something tugging on his heart, urging and aching, and calling out for Steve, so he takes his notepad and points at one of the words.

**Steve**

_I have already taken the liberty of informing Captain Rogers about the change in your condition. Right now he is preparing a light lunch for you, which he will bring to the room in just a few minutes._

“Then I’ll take that as my cue to leave”, the Doctor adds, gathering his things and getting up from his seat, “I’ll be back in a little while and check up on you again. If you start feeling worse - nausea, headache, any other sort of pain - just tell JARVIS to notify me, and I’ll be here in a matter of minutes.”

Sato nods and struggles upright, because now there’s an urgency he wasn’t expecting. Steve, Steve is on his way here, and it won’t be much longer now, and Sato will see him, and- And what? What is he even hoping for? Not much, if he thinks about it. He just wants to see Steve, and... He doesn’t know what else. Or rather, he knows, but he is too much of a coward to even think about it. There are some things that are still fragile, tempting, and he’s craving- But he won’t dare to hope. For now, he will simply look forward to Steve coming here, and maybe an opportunity to- He isn’t sure. He is still too scared.

“Alright, then I’ll leave you to it. I hope you get better soon, Sato. And I- I’ll see you soon.”

The wolf nods as he rubs a hand over his slightly burning eyes, fighting to stay awake and alert. He might have woken up, but he can tell that his body is still far from ready to get up, to move around and be active. No, he is still exhausted, which is strange, since he spent the last week mostly asleep. It’s a condition he doesn’t appreciate at all, feeling weak and tired and as though he could simply pass out in a matter of minutes if he were to lie back down.

By now, the Doctor has left the room, and Sato is alone with JARVIS once again. Looking up at the ceiling, he smiles as he reaches for his notepad.

**Thank you for watching over me. Never felt scared.**

_I am honored by your trust, Sato. I was worried you would be upset, after everything that has happened. But I am glad you are feeling better and have engaged in conversation with Doctor Banner._

**He is nice. Sad and alone but nice and I am too and Steve too. It fits we all fit and thats good. I want to try and learn and no longer be afraid. I want to learn.**

_I am sure both Doctor Banner and Captain Rogers would be delighted to help you with your recovery. As long as you are willing to open yourself up and trust them, they will be here for you._

Sato thinks the same. With Steve, he is sure, even though he doesn’t understand why. And with the Doctor... Maybe. Maybe it will be the same, or something close... But he won’t think about that now. Listening closely, he can hear familiar footsteps outside in the hallway. His heart starts thudding just a little faster, and he straightens up some more, all tiredness forgotten. A moment later, there’s a knock, and then the door gets pushed open.

Steve starts smiling the moment he looks at Sato. He’s carrying a tray with two plates and a glass filled with juice, but he sets it down on a small bedside table as he gets close to the bed and sits down slowly.

“Sato”, he finally says lowly, still smiling widely, “it’s- It’s really good to see you awake!”

There’s a trembling, yet joyous energy radiating off of him, completely different from the Doctor. The wolf feels it reach him, and he smiles as well, and then- Then he leans forward and wraps his arms around Steve, hugging him close. It’s not what he planned to do, but it feels so, so good, the warmth, the closeness, and simply pressing against another solid, almost familiar body... And it doesn’t take much longer than a few seconds for Steve to wrap his arms around the wolf’s body, pulling him even closer, almost crushing him against his chest. A shudder travels down Sato’s spine, and he presses his face against Steve’s neck, inhaling the man’s scent deeply, and letting out a small whimper. Everything is aching, but in a good way, in a way that reminds him of better times, and he doesn’t mind the pain. Steve’s big, warm hands start rubbing his back, and Sato squeezes his eyes shut, trembling under the soft touch.

“It’s okay, Sato. It’s over now, and we’re- We’re here for you, okay? You’re not alone anymore.”

Is it a lie? Maybe, but the wolf wants to believe it, so he gives in, slumping against Steve’s strong chest, sinking into the warmth, the touch, the contact he has been craving for so very long now, and is finally getting after all this time. Steve doesn’t say anything else, only keeps rubbing his back, breathing slowly, deeply, and holding onto the wolf’s trembling frame.

It’s easy to start crying, softly, quietly, and Sato doesn’t have it in himself to feel ashamed, not this time around. Maybe because it’s a different sort of crying. Not those loud, ugly, heaving sobs that used to wreck him on Lyngvy, in the beginning, but something soft, something vulnerable, that doesn’t feel as bad as he thought it would. Instead, it’s a feeling of letting go, of letting himself surrender to a relief he wasn’t expecting, of giving in and accepting, and as he curls into himself and allows Steve to gather him a little closer, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, sometimes it’s alright to cry.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry it took me this long to post the last chapter. Life has just been rather stressful for a while now, and it simply slipped my mind. I hope you can still enjoy this short conclusion, and have enjoyed the entire installment as well :)
> 
> Love,  
> Goldie

_Imagine our world without sun. Male Emperor Penguins are facing the nearest that exists on Planet Earth: Winter in Antarctica. It’s continuously dark, and the temperatures drop to minus seventy degrees centigrade._

Sato watches, but he doesn’t pay all that much attention. He has seen this documentary many times before, the entire series, actually. His eyes are barely open as it is, with exhaustion weighing on him, pressing his entire body and mind into the mattress and the soft bedding, making his thoughts slow and soft and sluggish. It’s not a troubling sensation, this time around. Sato is actually relieved, not having to think and stay awake and aware when he is so very tired once again. Instead, he focuses on things he deems a lot more important. On Steve. The man is still here, and he hasn’t left ever since he first stepped into the room again. Sato knows that it matters, and he knows that things are changing once again. He can feel cliffs and mountains shift around them, as well as in his head and heart. But he is too tired to watch them as it is, and he knows that it can wait. The mountains will be gone tomorrow as well, and those cliffs will crumble, and he will be able to see in a few more hours, a few more days, too. Things are changing, he knows, but for the first time since he was left here, it doesn’t make him fearful. Maybe... Maybe change won’t be terrifying this time. Maybe it will be... Good. It certainly feels good, for now. And even if he can’t allow himself to trust that feeling just yet, he certainly can’t ignore it, either.

Breathing deeply, he curls into himself a little more and presses just a little closer- Closer to Steve. The man doesn’t comment, but his grip tightens just a bit, and Sato lets out a small sigh. Warmth seeps into his body, his mind, his heart, and he shudders against it. Yes, he feels warm, but more importantly he is no longer alone in the way he was up until a few days ago. A new sort of company, one that calms him, one that lets him breathe and relax and sink just a little deeper into the bedding, muscles uncoiling as his eyes slip shut. Something... Something settles inside of him, something that used to be sharp-edged and cut into him, late at night when his body and mind grew cold, and he was- Lonely. He still is, in a way, but not as much as he used to. Steve is here, now, and that’s enough for now. The man’s scent fills his nose and lungs, and there’s a big, warm, gentle hand rubbing between his shoulder blades, easing what little tension remains there. And he feels himself sink deeper and deeper, slowly letting go of his conscious mind- Which is something he was terrified of just a little while ago, as he never would’ve trusted anyone to be with him while he slept. Except for JARVIS, of course, but then again, Steve is different. Sato knows, he _knows_ that everything is different, that he should worry and think and wonder, but he can’t bring himself to do just that. Instead, he can only yawn, curling just a bit closer, snuggling into Steve’s side, burying his nose in the man’s shirt, and relishing in the hand that brushes through his hair in return. He feels warm, and... Safe? When was the last time he ever felt truly _safe_? He can’t remember. There was always that underlying current of tension and fear, making him tremble and shake and his eyes dart through the room, through his existence, looking for away out. He doesn’t do that now. Sato is hesitant to call it that, but he does feel safe. Because he is not alone, because Steve is here, and the wolf somehow _knows_ that Steve wont let anyone hurt him. He- Does he trust Steve? It’s hard to say no, when he is curled up against the man’s side, breathing in his by now almost familiar scent, relishing in his body warmth. There must be some sort of trust, even if he is well aware that there’s still something coursing through his veins, dragging him down just a bit further. But that’s not all there is. It can’t be...

“Sato?”

The wolf grumbles lowly, fingers tightening around the fabric of Steve’s shirt, holding on tightly. Still, he knows that it must be important if Steve is talking to him right now, so he lets out a small sigh and lifts his head ever so slightly, blinking his eyes open again. Steve is looking at him with gentle eyes, brushing a hand through the wolf’s hair once again.

“I know you’re tired, but I just wanted to ask: Are you alright with staying here? Not just today, but for the next few weeks?”

It takes a moment or two for those words to register, and then Sato needs to think about it as well. Stay here? A strange thought. He has never thought about something like that before. There was always the one room he stayed in, and that was- That was all. Now, though... Now, Steve is asking, and while Sato feels some tension return to his frame, he can’t think much further than this night, and the thought of having to leave this bed, to return to an empty room and fall asleep anywhere else but here is nothing short of dreadful.

“I think it’d be better if you stayed with me for a while. I won’t lie to you: After what happened, I’d like to keep an eye on you. You wouldn’t be alone- And I wouldn’t be, either. I think that could be a good thing. What do you think?”

Sato... Wonders. Mostly, he wonders why this suggestions doesn’t make something inside of him twist and shake. Instead, he once again feels something shift inside of him, and then settle. With a small sigh, he nods, and then snuggles back down, burying his face in Steve’s side, because right here and now, it’s easy to answer. He _wants_ to stay. He _wants_ to not be alone. He _wants_ to stay with Steve, and if the man offers, he won’t decline. He is too warm and comfortable to do that. Steve chuckles above him, and Sato feels himself smile ever so slightly in return, and shuddering when the man gently presses his hands into the back of his neck.

“I guess that settles it, then. We’ll talk about it some more once you’re better, but you’re gonna stay here tonight. Okay?”

Sato grumbles again, nodding a bit more forcefully as he pulls his legs up, curling into a small ball, trying to contain as much warmth as possible. If he allows his mind to drift for just a few moments, he can almost- But no. It’s still rather far away, but it is closer than anything else has come so far. Not perfect, not what he imagined, and Sato... There is still something missing, something big and important he doesn’t dare name, but it’s- Better. And Sato finds he doesn’t want to miss it again.

“You can go to sleep now. You’re probably still pretty tired. I’ll stay here, though. If there’s anything you need, just let me know. Alright?”

Again, Sato nods, because yes- He is tired. Also, there is nothing that’s currently keeping him awake, and so he yawns and then burrows back down, and he remembers... He remembers this feeling. He remembers it, and it hurts, because it’s so very different... Yet there is nothing he can do. Nothing but try and enjoy it as much as he can, and do his best to forget about how things used to be- A long time ago. And he knows that it could be so much worse. It _was_ so much worse, not much more than a few days ago. Sato is grateful, he truly is. And no matter how bitter sweet and painful it might be, Sato still snuggles close and soaks up all the warmth and affection he can. It makes something in his heart flutter, and he chases after that feeling, and he doesn’t question it anymore. He simply enjoys. And maybe, that could be enough, if only just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small FYI: I've started to work on another project, and it requires A LOT of research (about sixty books for now, not counting any other sources), so I'm not sure when the next installment will be up. I'm rather sure I'll manage to post in October, but I can't give any dates. So yeah, it might be a while. Hope to see you then, anyway <3


End file.
